I've been reading two books. The first book is Hearing God's Voice by Henry and Richard Blackaby.
One of the quotes that spoke to me:
"At times people get an assignment from God, then they race off to do it without waiting for the specifics of how and when he wants them to carry it out. For example, over the years we have been dismayed to see a number of men and women receive God's call to the ministry, but in their impatience to 'get at it', they neglected to seek God's further direction regarding how to prepare for a lifetime of ministry."
Wow, a lifetime of ministry indeed. Every day, every experience, every person we meet, is preparing us for a lifetime of ministry.
I was also very encouraged by Phillip Yancey's Prayer. He is one of those authors that u can read comfortably, one of those books that soothes your soul and deals with very real questions of doubts, fears etc. In essence, I am enjoying this book because it admits that it doesn't know all the answers.
"Prayer has become for me much more than a shopping list of requests to present to God. It has become a re-alignment of everything. I pray to restore the truth of the universe, to gain a glimpse of the world, and of me, through the eyes of God. In prayer, I shift my point of view away from my own selfishness...Prayer is the act of seeing reality from God's point of view."
In the book, Yancey speaks of coming before God in honesty because the way I think and feel as I pray, rather than words I speak may be the real prayer that God hears. The barrier to our intimacy with God is when we try to hide things from Him. We gotto trust Him with the things that He already knows. Yancey gives an analogy of how we share very superficial things with friends we are not close with. In a similar way, when we remain superficial with God, we can't get very intimate with Him.
One thing I felt affirmed me in my walk with Him this year ( yes time to do reflections, again), is how God searches in our hearts to reveal hidden sin and any forms of unrighteousness. Yet when we lay bare to God what is on the inside of our hearts, He still bids us to come and accepts us in our fallen state. It is almost as if He is saying He loves every part of me. And yes I am thankful.
In Prayer, Yancey speaks of a young Jewish girl. Etty Hillesum who kept a journal during her stay in Auschwitz, she wrote " Sometimes when I stand in some corner of the camp, my feet planted on Yr earth, my eyes raised towards Your Heaven, tears sometimes run down my face tears of deep emotion and gratitude... For once you have begun to walk with God, you need only keep on walking with God and all of life becomes one long stroll- a marvelous feeling."
I havent reached that stage of marvelous feeling yet. I don't know if I will. But for now, I know that all He wants is for me to be honest with Him abt everything.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Who Am I?
Who Am I?
by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Dietrich Bonhöffer, a young theologian of great promise, was martyred by the Nazis for his participation in a plot against the life of Adolf Hitler. His writings have greatly influenced recent theological thought. This article appeared in the Journal Christianity and Crisis, March 4, 1946. Used by permission. This article was prepared for Religion Online by Ted & Winnie Brock.
Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell’s confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a squire from his country-house.
Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equally, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.
Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were
compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?
Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, 0 God, I am Thine!
March 4,1946
by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Dietrich Bonhöffer, a young theologian of great promise, was martyred by the Nazis for his participation in a plot against the life of Adolf Hitler. His writings have greatly influenced recent theological thought. This article appeared in the Journal Christianity and Crisis, March 4, 1946. Used by permission. This article was prepared for Religion Online by Ted & Winnie Brock.
Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell’s confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a squire from his country-house.
Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equally, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.
Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were
compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?
Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, 0 God, I am Thine!
March 4,1946
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Dear Holy Spirit
A good friend's friend passed away suddenly in his sleep 2 days ago, and I found it hard to pray for her. I'm afraid my prayers sound hollow and empty in light of the pain she is experiencing.
Yesterday night while I was praying, I thought of the Holy Spirit, and a few verses came to my mind to encourage me greatly.
16 And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever-- 17 the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.
Jn 14:16-17
19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.
1 Cor 6:19-20
26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
Romans 8:26-28
Coming from a charismatic background, I could vividly remember days when the Holy Spirit was so near me, when I prayed loudly in tongues, when I worshiped God singing in the Spirit. Its not that I never experience the Holy Spirit now, its just that it somehow seems like a different move whereby He sometimes just cuts right into my heart speaking to me.
Oh dear Holy Spirit, I am reminded I am so much in need of you.
In the face of never-ending demands of different tasks to do, different deadlines, different ministries. At the end of the day, I need my comforter and helper to interceed with God for me, with deep groanings, to express the things I feel so deeply on the inside.
Sometimes these days, I just feel so tired, and I find rest in His presence. Oh dear Lord, dear Holy Spirit, don't leave me, but always be there to encourage and lead me on this journey.
Yesterday night while I was praying, I thought of the Holy Spirit, and a few verses came to my mind to encourage me greatly.
16 And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever-- 17 the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.
Jn 14:16-17
19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.
1 Cor 6:19-20
26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
Romans 8:26-28
Coming from a charismatic background, I could vividly remember days when the Holy Spirit was so near me, when I prayed loudly in tongues, when I worshiped God singing in the Spirit. Its not that I never experience the Holy Spirit now, its just that it somehow seems like a different move whereby He sometimes just cuts right into my heart speaking to me.
Oh dear Holy Spirit, I am reminded I am so much in need of you.
In the face of never-ending demands of different tasks to do, different deadlines, different ministries. At the end of the day, I need my comforter and helper to interceed with God for me, with deep groanings, to express the things I feel so deeply on the inside.
Sometimes these days, I just feel so tired, and I find rest in His presence. Oh dear Lord, dear Holy Spirit, don't leave me, but always be there to encourage and lead me on this journey.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
The challenge
2 weeks ago while I was at Indonesia, while Pastor D's little daughter was soundly and sweetly asleep in the hotel room, I had some quiet time to pen down my prayers. The words came fast and furiously, and easily filled up 7.5 pages of my notebook.
Over these 2 weeks, I think God is challenging my heart abt 2 main things:
1. Marketplace and me
Pouring out to God my disappointment at not being able to transit to a non-profit. I asked Him why Lord? It was somehow easier for me to reach out to the marginalized, and my heart never fails to leap with compassion. Almost like a commandment to Jonah to love the Ninevahs, is God's commandement to me to love the Singaporeans in the market place. I guess my stuggle is, God, they don't deserve this, they are comfortable, spend their money as their please, ignore the poor, and look, there are loads of people working in the company who are christians, why don't they do something about this?
Last week God threw in a challenge for me to love my neighbour as myself, through challenging situations in the workplace. And it has been difficult being loving, to see where God is leading, to surrender my pride to Him, to not be in defensive mode, but in patient & kind mode, to not be in agitated mode but in Lord I trust You mode. Yes, loving my neighbours in the mkt place is a challenge for me.
Added to that are feelings of inadequacy. God, these people are much more eloquent & intelligent than me. Where do I stand in speaking to them about You? Praying to God to empower me. And He has been teaching me in brokenness, is how He will use me.
Most recently the dreams I had 4-5 years back talking to businessmen in suits has recurred. The significance indeed, of being at a position to encourage people in the mktplace. To lift up our eyes beyond our work, to put Him first in all things, no matter how busy we are. These, indeed, are still challenges to me. With more stressful workloads these days, I no longer seem to have as much sleep & time to serve Him, and I think these can only be done supernaturally. May these be a testimony that shine for Him brightly.
Had a short chat with Pastor K on Sat, as he came for the RAYS leaders retreat. And he was so amazed and glad when I told him I had a CF in the company that meets up once every week during lunchtime, and we had held evangelistic outreaches too. He said, you must feel really supported! It was strangely encouraging, and contrasted greatly with the deep dullness in my heart that I was experiencing. This dullness of working, of stress and all that. That I forgot to give thanks to God for blessing me with a CF in the company, and a dearest mentor Clare, and it was indeed something to give thanks for. :)
2. Faith and me
E shared with the RAYS on the vision for 2008 on saturday. And there was this short video clip that was shown. It resounded in my head, DON'T GIVE UP! KEEP TRYING YOUR BEST. Keep going keep going. It stirred up images of the past where I had by faith, tried, and failed. And I am still living in the past failures, still recoiling from stepping up because I am afraid that I will fail again, afraid that I have heard Him wrongly in the past, or disappointed Him greatly. Couldn't help but tear again, as I felt His quiet assurance that He still had use for me, and He saw my heart.
The road ahead is indeed challenging, and I need loads of faith to believe in Him. Yet all He requires, I guess, is that of a mustard seed. With all I have. I tell Him that I surrender. I pray that He may use me in spite of how inadequate & weak I feel.
Over these 2 weeks, I think God is challenging my heart abt 2 main things:
1. Marketplace and me
Pouring out to God my disappointment at not being able to transit to a non-profit. I asked Him why Lord? It was somehow easier for me to reach out to the marginalized, and my heart never fails to leap with compassion. Almost like a commandment to Jonah to love the Ninevahs, is God's commandement to me to love the Singaporeans in the market place. I guess my stuggle is, God, they don't deserve this, they are comfortable, spend their money as their please, ignore the poor, and look, there are loads of people working in the company who are christians, why don't they do something about this?
Last week God threw in a challenge for me to love my neighbour as myself, through challenging situations in the workplace. And it has been difficult being loving, to see where God is leading, to surrender my pride to Him, to not be in defensive mode, but in patient & kind mode, to not be in agitated mode but in Lord I trust You mode. Yes, loving my neighbours in the mkt place is a challenge for me.
Added to that are feelings of inadequacy. God, these people are much more eloquent & intelligent than me. Where do I stand in speaking to them about You? Praying to God to empower me. And He has been teaching me in brokenness, is how He will use me.
Most recently the dreams I had 4-5 years back talking to businessmen in suits has recurred. The significance indeed, of being at a position to encourage people in the mktplace. To lift up our eyes beyond our work, to put Him first in all things, no matter how busy we are. These, indeed, are still challenges to me. With more stressful workloads these days, I no longer seem to have as much sleep & time to serve Him, and I think these can only be done supernaturally. May these be a testimony that shine for Him brightly.
Had a short chat with Pastor K on Sat, as he came for the RAYS leaders retreat. And he was so amazed and glad when I told him I had a CF in the company that meets up once every week during lunchtime, and we had held evangelistic outreaches too. He said, you must feel really supported! It was strangely encouraging, and contrasted greatly with the deep dullness in my heart that I was experiencing. This dullness of working, of stress and all that. That I forgot to give thanks to God for blessing me with a CF in the company, and a dearest mentor Clare, and it was indeed something to give thanks for. :)
2. Faith and me
E shared with the RAYS on the vision for 2008 on saturday. And there was this short video clip that was shown. It resounded in my head, DON'T GIVE UP! KEEP TRYING YOUR BEST. Keep going keep going. It stirred up images of the past where I had by faith, tried, and failed. And I am still living in the past failures, still recoiling from stepping up because I am afraid that I will fail again, afraid that I have heard Him wrongly in the past, or disappointed Him greatly. Couldn't help but tear again, as I felt His quiet assurance that He still had use for me, and He saw my heart.
The road ahead is indeed challenging, and I need loads of faith to believe in Him. Yet all He requires, I guess, is that of a mustard seed. With all I have. I tell Him that I surrender. I pray that He may use me in spite of how inadequate & weak I feel.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Into the dark cave
I liked this article by Mark Galli, Listening for the Whisper
Abstract:
The problem with spectacle, especially religious spectacle, is that the steady, repeated, raucous noise will eventually make us hard of hearing. And that will make it impossible to hear God's normal tone of voice. He is not usually found in earthquake, wind, and fire, but in the small whisper, heard only by those who enter with Elijah into the dark cave.
This whisper is difficult to hear in the din of our culture and religious life. It is also frightening to even to try to listen for it, because to do so we must, like Elijah, enter the dark cave from whence the whisper emerges. That means stepping into mystery.
When you try to practice Elijah-like spirituality, says the author of The Cloud of Unknowing, you will at first
"feel nothing but a kind of darkness about your mind, or as it were a cloud of unknowing. You will seem to know nothing and feel nothing except a naked intent toward God in the depths of your being. Try as you might, this darkness and this cloud will remain between you and your God. You will feel frustrated, for your mind will be unable to grasp him, and your heart will not relish the delight of his love."
Withdrawal from the noise and glitter of religious spectacle sounds like a formula for spiritual suicide—how am I going to even experience God without the pounding of the music and electricity of the crowd and inspirational message of the dynamic preacher? "But learn to be at home in this darkness," says this author, "For in it, in this life, you hope to feel and see God as he is in himself, it must be within this darkness and this cloud."
Abstract:
The problem with spectacle, especially religious spectacle, is that the steady, repeated, raucous noise will eventually make us hard of hearing. And that will make it impossible to hear God's normal tone of voice. He is not usually found in earthquake, wind, and fire, but in the small whisper, heard only by those who enter with Elijah into the dark cave.
This whisper is difficult to hear in the din of our culture and religious life. It is also frightening to even to try to listen for it, because to do so we must, like Elijah, enter the dark cave from whence the whisper emerges. That means stepping into mystery.
When you try to practice Elijah-like spirituality, says the author of The Cloud of Unknowing, you will at first
"feel nothing but a kind of darkness about your mind, or as it were a cloud of unknowing. You will seem to know nothing and feel nothing except a naked intent toward God in the depths of your being. Try as you might, this darkness and this cloud will remain between you and your God. You will feel frustrated, for your mind will be unable to grasp him, and your heart will not relish the delight of his love."
Withdrawal from the noise and glitter of religious spectacle sounds like a formula for spiritual suicide—how am I going to even experience God without the pounding of the music and electricity of the crowd and inspirational message of the dynamic preacher? "But learn to be at home in this darkness," says this author, "For in it, in this life, you hope to feel and see God as he is in himself, it must be within this darkness and this cloud."
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Heart Matters
Just came back from 2 day and 1 night Intentional Discipleship Making Conference (IDMC) conference. This year's theme was on Inspiring Resonance. It was my first IDMC conference, and the first conference I ever attended at CEFC, so I didn't really know what to expect. I was really blessed by the word that was preached, and I feel like God is doing an operation within my heart with every sermon. =) Its quite a strange experience as I didn't cry/weep, but it was just a very gentle nudging from the Holy Spirit in my heart and it brought tremendous peace. I guess it is what you can say I am cut to the heart by the Word of God. And it feels different, but it also feels very solid, as if it is a strong foundation to build on, not just an emotion or ra ra feel good feeling. I feel at peace now, don't feel like I am pumped up to change the world, just feel His endearing presence.
There are lots to share about, but I guess He is trying to teach me a few things. There was a lot of talk on the heart, and one of the sermons, it said that yr heart will affect what your hand did. What is in your heart? I knew He was speaking to me as He surfaced insecurity, fears, anxieties on the inside. All these things in my heart lead to the need for control & power, fears that I am not good enough, always wanting to prove myself by doing something.
Authenticity- so many of us carry fears in our hearts and relate to people on a very superficial level. Towards our brothers and sisters, we are okay, smiley and all. But deep inside the heart we are hiding so much pain and inadequacies that we feel. And I realise that only by being authentic can we build genuine friendships with people, i.e. have a shared resonance with others.
Leading from the inside out. I understand this concept better today. That when we lead from the inside out, we need not have fear, but we have a deep sense of restedness in Him. Authenticity, character, depth, restedness, security, significance, approval of God. Versus accomplishment, competence, expansion driven, restlessness, insecurity, success, applause of man. Why does the latter list sound so much like the things I have been trying to do? ;) For years of performance drivenness, needing to please others, wanting success, needing to see growth in ministry. But how blessed the soul that is at rest. One of the things that really spoke to me was Pastor Ed's emphasis on Following Jesus, that His call for us was not "advance my kingdom", but rather "abide in Me".
Based on my background, my idea of leadership conferences was lots of laying of hands for leaders and inner healing. Well-said, that sometimes these feel-good sessions are only a temporary relief, i.e. pasting plaster on cancerous cells. What needs to be removed and replaced on the inside is not dealt with. Yup, I remember those moments in the past when I sought the Lord for ministry, and felt His love & acceptance and cried buckets. Really thankful for the revelation of His love, but this conference has not just engaged my emotions, but also my mind. For example, Pastor Ed asked the leaders- why are we hurt? If we are hurt for following Jesus, REJOICE! And somehow this caused a breakthrough in my way of thinking. Was I following Jesus in every ministry experience that He has led me into? I think I earnestly was desiring to be a blessing to the people whom He placed in my hands. Yet it was painful-a statement he made "A lot of our pains are self-inflicted wounds because of self inflated egos." How true.
Somehow thought that if God called, then things should be smooth sailing. So why God did I have to go through the pains? Hmm. Perhaps part and parcel of service unto God is also taking up the cross. Taking account reality: of busy deadlines at work coming Monday, and other areas of service, it is easy to get discouraged. Yet God's calling doesn't promise us a smooth sail, it brings with it sets of challenges. In the midst of most unfruitful times, a deep work is being done on the inside.
One more thing about the rule of thumb in making decisions to ask ourselves, am I following Christ? If I am, I need not fear. To see in every difficult decision the spiritual realm- what is God trying to uncover, and what is satan trying to destroy. On the personal realm- what must I do to align with God and protect myself from the enemy's attack? Before we step into organizational matters to provide solutions.
So it made me think of my job decision- I believe that this was a decision that Christ would have made. What is God trying to teach me? I believe all of the above that I have typed on trust & restedness in Him. What is satan trying to do? He is trying to discourage me from the calling God has given to me to the marginalized.
Interestingly, Aunty M came over to pray for me at the end of the session. And she told me the same 2 things- rest and trust. The inside of me can't get over that God actually prefers me to rest as opposed to fighting it out and going for the option of WV. Don't know why God will prefer me to go by the seemingly more "comfortable" choice, feel that I should have the courage to go for the WV choice. And so I struggle with this. Yet many of them lies in my mind, I know that God is good, and I know He searches my heart and know what is on the inside. I hope what is on the inside is a desire to honour Him. Thank God for sending people to encourage me and pray for me. I will try hard to rest (oxymoron) cos I am not used to resting. ;) I think what is needed is a mindset of trust in Him. So dear Lord, lead me along in this journey with You. I am honoured that You give me this "unwanted" grace to be the person You want me to be, and all these things, only to give me the best- a closer walk with You.
Finally I guess, this whole idea of "servant" leadership is so topsy turvy. Overturns my whole idea of leadership, that our responsibility is leadership, but our position is a servant. What an honour to be serving my master. I don't know if I am able to do it with the many challenges ahead, but I know He can and will help me.
There are lots to share about, but I guess He is trying to teach me a few things. There was a lot of talk on the heart, and one of the sermons, it said that yr heart will affect what your hand did. What is in your heart? I knew He was speaking to me as He surfaced insecurity, fears, anxieties on the inside. All these things in my heart lead to the need for control & power, fears that I am not good enough, always wanting to prove myself by doing something.
Authenticity- so many of us carry fears in our hearts and relate to people on a very superficial level. Towards our brothers and sisters, we are okay, smiley and all. But deep inside the heart we are hiding so much pain and inadequacies that we feel. And I realise that only by being authentic can we build genuine friendships with people, i.e. have a shared resonance with others.
Leading from the inside out. I understand this concept better today. That when we lead from the inside out, we need not have fear, but we have a deep sense of restedness in Him. Authenticity, character, depth, restedness, security, significance, approval of God. Versus accomplishment, competence, expansion driven, restlessness, insecurity, success, applause of man. Why does the latter list sound so much like the things I have been trying to do? ;) For years of performance drivenness, needing to please others, wanting success, needing to see growth in ministry. But how blessed the soul that is at rest. One of the things that really spoke to me was Pastor Ed's emphasis on Following Jesus, that His call for us was not "advance my kingdom", but rather "abide in Me".
Based on my background, my idea of leadership conferences was lots of laying of hands for leaders and inner healing. Well-said, that sometimes these feel-good sessions are only a temporary relief, i.e. pasting plaster on cancerous cells. What needs to be removed and replaced on the inside is not dealt with. Yup, I remember those moments in the past when I sought the Lord for ministry, and felt His love & acceptance and cried buckets. Really thankful for the revelation of His love, but this conference has not just engaged my emotions, but also my mind. For example, Pastor Ed asked the leaders- why are we hurt? If we are hurt for following Jesus, REJOICE! And somehow this caused a breakthrough in my way of thinking. Was I following Jesus in every ministry experience that He has led me into? I think I earnestly was desiring to be a blessing to the people whom He placed in my hands. Yet it was painful-a statement he made "A lot of our pains are self-inflicted wounds because of self inflated egos." How true.
Somehow thought that if God called, then things should be smooth sailing. So why God did I have to go through the pains? Hmm. Perhaps part and parcel of service unto God is also taking up the cross. Taking account reality: of busy deadlines at work coming Monday, and other areas of service, it is easy to get discouraged. Yet God's calling doesn't promise us a smooth sail, it brings with it sets of challenges. In the midst of most unfruitful times, a deep work is being done on the inside.
One more thing about the rule of thumb in making decisions to ask ourselves, am I following Christ? If I am, I need not fear. To see in every difficult decision the spiritual realm- what is God trying to uncover, and what is satan trying to destroy. On the personal realm- what must I do to align with God and protect myself from the enemy's attack? Before we step into organizational matters to provide solutions.
So it made me think of my job decision- I believe that this was a decision that Christ would have made. What is God trying to teach me? I believe all of the above that I have typed on trust & restedness in Him. What is satan trying to do? He is trying to discourage me from the calling God has given to me to the marginalized.
Interestingly, Aunty M came over to pray for me at the end of the session. And she told me the same 2 things- rest and trust. The inside of me can't get over that God actually prefers me to rest as opposed to fighting it out and going for the option of WV. Don't know why God will prefer me to go by the seemingly more "comfortable" choice, feel that I should have the courage to go for the WV choice. And so I struggle with this. Yet many of them lies in my mind, I know that God is good, and I know He searches my heart and know what is on the inside. I hope what is on the inside is a desire to honour Him. Thank God for sending people to encourage me and pray for me. I will try hard to rest (oxymoron) cos I am not used to resting. ;) I think what is needed is a mindset of trust in Him. So dear Lord, lead me along in this journey with You. I am honoured that You give me this "unwanted" grace to be the person You want me to be, and all these things, only to give me the best- a closer walk with You.
Finally I guess, this whole idea of "servant" leadership is so topsy turvy. Overturns my whole idea of leadership, that our responsibility is leadership, but our position is a servant. What an honour to be serving my master. I don't know if I am able to do it with the many challenges ahead, but I know He can and will help me.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
On Not Transforming the World
Interesting persepective here. =)
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/augustweb-only/132-42.0.html
On Not Transforming the World
We have better and harder things to do than that.
Mark Galli
Hardly a day goes by that a book or an email doesn't arrive telling me how to "transform the culture" or "change the world."
In one recent email, a conference promised the attendance of many nationally recognized evangelical speakers. I went to the website and read that at this conference, among other things, I will "find out what it means to be inwardly strong and outwardly focused and to have a church body that desires to change the world from the inside-out!"
I have on my desk a book subtitled "The Passion and Practices of Missional Churches," and the subtitle for one chapter says that missional churches "expect to change the world." It leads with a quote from a well-known futurist, who says, "It is still God's policy to work through the embarrassingly insignificant to change his world and create his future." The book points to one Southern California church and says, "The ultimate criteria for determining its effectiveness is the transformation of Los Angeles."
Are they ever in for a big disappointment. On top of that, I'm now worried for Los Angeles.
I hesitate to cheer for cultural transformation, though not because I like the world just the way it is. Hardly. I read the paper this morning. I hesitate, though not because I don't believe that the church impacts the world. It has impacted the world and will continue to do so. I hesitate because I think the goal of transforming our city, our culture, or our world can lead to little good.
The church is rightly embarrassed by well-lit displays of the Crusades, the Inquisition, murderously Reformed Geneva, and the Salem witch trials in history's hall of shame. What do all these events have in common? They were motivated by a desire to transform the culture, if not the world, into a kingdom of God. When we get on that kick, history has repeatedly shown that even Christians will destroy a village to save it.
To be sure, Christians ought to care about the sad plight of the culture and the world. And we ought to recognize that we are at least partly responsible for the mess. Then we should recognize that God wants us to work against injustice and evil.
It's the next step that gets us into trouble. We recall verses like this: "Go and make disciples of all nations … " and "You are to be my witnesses in all the world … ." So we make the leap of faith and start preaching, "We've got to change the world!"
We are certainly responsible for going to the ends of the earth and making disciples from people of every nation. There is plenty in Scripture about doing justice and loving mercy and feeding the hungry and caring for the widow and orphan. But I find little or nothing about us having the task of transforming the culture.
We fall into this rhetoric because we know the problems we face are huge and we feel so small. We worry that if we don't boldly proclaim that we can "change the world," everybody will give up before we even begin. We all face the common temptation of Adam and Eve. We want to feel significant. We want to feel like we're players. We want to make a difference in the world. And only by imagining that we can change the world do we think our actions have any meaning.
This, of course, runs in the opposite direction of Jesus' ethic, which is about service. Servants aren't about world-changing initiatives as much as about washing the dirty feet of the travelers sitting at their kitchen table. Jesus never tells us to do anything because it will transform the culture. Surprisingly, he didn't seem interested in transforming the Roman Empire, one of the most oppressive and unjust cultures in history. He seemed rather to think that society would always have economic disparity, and that not only should changing Rome not be a priority, but also we should not even object to underwriting it with our taxes.
To be sure, he says we can be "the salt of the earth" and "the light of the world." As such, we can indeed give the world a glimpse of kingdom life so that many will give glory to God (Matt. 5:12-14). But there's nothing there about the world being transformed. What Jesus wants us to do primarily, it seems, is to love those right in front of our noses.
I remain puzzled as to why we're so bored with the very things Jesus asks us to do, like picking that foreigner up out of the ditch, giving away our goods to the poor, going to court with a young man who's being railroaded by the system, taking an orphan into our home, going the extra mile with the oppressive and manipulative, forgiving the offender, baptizing, and witnessing. I find these things really, really hard to do. I fail all the time. If I can't even do these things well, why would I believe that I could transform my culture, let alone change the world?
Just because Jesus doesn't ask us to change the world doesn't mean, of course, that it's not going to eventually be transformed. Even the apostles knew they were incapable of making a heavenly kingdom out of this mess we call history: "Lord, will you at this time restore the kingdom?" While rightly anxious to see the world transformed, they knew who was responsible for transforming it.
In the meantime, we have our little jobs to do. And as Jesus put it, "Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" (Mt. 6:34).
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/augustweb-only/132-42.0.html
On Not Transforming the World
We have better and harder things to do than that.
Mark Galli
Hardly a day goes by that a book or an email doesn't arrive telling me how to "transform the culture" or "change the world."
In one recent email, a conference promised the attendance of many nationally recognized evangelical speakers. I went to the website and read that at this conference, among other things, I will "find out what it means to be inwardly strong and outwardly focused and to have a church body that desires to change the world from the inside-out!"
I have on my desk a book subtitled "The Passion and Practices of Missional Churches," and the subtitle for one chapter says that missional churches "expect to change the world." It leads with a quote from a well-known futurist, who says, "It is still God's policy to work through the embarrassingly insignificant to change his world and create his future." The book points to one Southern California church and says, "The ultimate criteria for determining its effectiveness is the transformation of Los Angeles."
Are they ever in for a big disappointment. On top of that, I'm now worried for Los Angeles.
I hesitate to cheer for cultural transformation, though not because I like the world just the way it is. Hardly. I read the paper this morning. I hesitate, though not because I don't believe that the church impacts the world. It has impacted the world and will continue to do so. I hesitate because I think the goal of transforming our city, our culture, or our world can lead to little good.
The church is rightly embarrassed by well-lit displays of the Crusades, the Inquisition, murderously Reformed Geneva, and the Salem witch trials in history's hall of shame. What do all these events have in common? They were motivated by a desire to transform the culture, if not the world, into a kingdom of God. When we get on that kick, history has repeatedly shown that even Christians will destroy a village to save it.
To be sure, Christians ought to care about the sad plight of the culture and the world. And we ought to recognize that we are at least partly responsible for the mess. Then we should recognize that God wants us to work against injustice and evil.
It's the next step that gets us into trouble. We recall verses like this: "Go and make disciples of all nations … " and "You are to be my witnesses in all the world … ." So we make the leap of faith and start preaching, "We've got to change the world!"
We are certainly responsible for going to the ends of the earth and making disciples from people of every nation. There is plenty in Scripture about doing justice and loving mercy and feeding the hungry and caring for the widow and orphan. But I find little or nothing about us having the task of transforming the culture.
We fall into this rhetoric because we know the problems we face are huge and we feel so small. We worry that if we don't boldly proclaim that we can "change the world," everybody will give up before we even begin. We all face the common temptation of Adam and Eve. We want to feel significant. We want to feel like we're players. We want to make a difference in the world. And only by imagining that we can change the world do we think our actions have any meaning.
This, of course, runs in the opposite direction of Jesus' ethic, which is about service. Servants aren't about world-changing initiatives as much as about washing the dirty feet of the travelers sitting at their kitchen table. Jesus never tells us to do anything because it will transform the culture. Surprisingly, he didn't seem interested in transforming the Roman Empire, one of the most oppressive and unjust cultures in history. He seemed rather to think that society would always have economic disparity, and that not only should changing Rome not be a priority, but also we should not even object to underwriting it with our taxes.
To be sure, he says we can be "the salt of the earth" and "the light of the world." As such, we can indeed give the world a glimpse of kingdom life so that many will give glory to God (Matt. 5:12-14). But there's nothing there about the world being transformed. What Jesus wants us to do primarily, it seems, is to love those right in front of our noses.
I remain puzzled as to why we're so bored with the very things Jesus asks us to do, like picking that foreigner up out of the ditch, giving away our goods to the poor, going to court with a young man who's being railroaded by the system, taking an orphan into our home, going the extra mile with the oppressive and manipulative, forgiving the offender, baptizing, and witnessing. I find these things really, really hard to do. I fail all the time. If I can't even do these things well, why would I believe that I could transform my culture, let alone change the world?
Just because Jesus doesn't ask us to change the world doesn't mean, of course, that it's not going to eventually be transformed. Even the apostles knew they were incapable of making a heavenly kingdom out of this mess we call history: "Lord, will you at this time restore the kingdom?" While rightly anxious to see the world transformed, they knew who was responsible for transforming it.
In the meantime, we have our little jobs to do. And as Jesus put it, "Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" (Mt. 6:34).
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Pillar of cloud & fire
I knew that He was going to speak to me during today's service. I just didn't know how sharp the Word would be. Pastor Ed gave an example of a guy who wanted to change jobs and rationalised God had spoken to him through the Pastor's sermon asking him to come out of Egypt. Gosh. Thank you God for warning me, that I shouldn't rationalise things or light my own fire and follow my own path because You hadn't spoken clearly. 2 mistakes we make in the wilderness: 1) There is no hope 2) Light our own fires, walk our own paths.
Isn't that how I have been feeling for some time? Where are you God?
I needed the reminder, God always leads us. He guides us compassionately, constantly and clearly. :)
Don't miss out on trusting the name of the Lord. Don't miss out on intimacy. Don't miss out on what He wants to change on the inside- Fear, anxiety and intimidation.
God, I need a double portion of Yr grace for the week ahead. =) I know You will guide me.
Isn't that how I have been feeling for some time? Where are you God?
I needed the reminder, God always leads us. He guides us compassionately, constantly and clearly. :)
Don't miss out on trusting the name of the Lord. Don't miss out on intimacy. Don't miss out on what He wants to change on the inside- Fear, anxiety and intimidation.
God, I need a double portion of Yr grace for the week ahead. =) I know You will guide me.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Light in the darkness
A glimpse of His light to encourage me through the darkness. :)
I had wanted to go to Queensway shopping centre today to grab/browse some misc stuffs for my trip like a bag pack, sleeping bag and sunglasses. And also to SKS to get the evangelism cube. And tmr (sun) is my cousin's ROM, so I don't get to go to church. Was wondering abt attending a church in the redhill/tiong bahru area, and that was when Darryl asked me for his church service at COOS. I've been there before, but thought God wanted me there. And so I went. Lo, today was Missions weekend, and Pastor Hong started talking about verses from Isaiah of taking care of the "alien" aka foreign workers in our land, doing missions in Singapore. And I knew God wanted to speak a message to me. I'm quite encouraged by how He spoke to me through this mini incident and that He remembers me.
I've been feeling a bit down for the past week. Things are quite rough at home with dad's op. : ( Esp what he said to sis about how he cannot depend on the two of us, and how we never take care of the family. It hurts. It troubles...when I think of his response if I were to ever change job.
Work has been tough, receiving not-so-nice emails, and tasks that appear foreign at times. At times when I feel like quiting and say God I give up, why am I spending so much time/sweat/effort on something that doesn't seem to make sense to me?
And then reminded all over over and over that He has His plans and purposes for me. As the goliaths get slain one by one..surely I am reminded that it is one step at a time. Thank You Lord. =)For yr presence in the midst of the problems.
Dinner was so good yest night with Q and HY, whom I can be myself and share things fr my heart. I like the bonding.
Oh Jesus Jesus..lead me in Your ways. Jesus the light in the darkness...the one to set the captives free, to heal the broken hearted.
I had wanted to go to Queensway shopping centre today to grab/browse some misc stuffs for my trip like a bag pack, sleeping bag and sunglasses. And also to SKS to get the evangelism cube. And tmr (sun) is my cousin's ROM, so I don't get to go to church. Was wondering abt attending a church in the redhill/tiong bahru area, and that was when Darryl asked me for his church service at COOS. I've been there before, but thought God wanted me there. And so I went. Lo, today was Missions weekend, and Pastor Hong started talking about verses from Isaiah of taking care of the "alien" aka foreign workers in our land, doing missions in Singapore. And I knew God wanted to speak a message to me. I'm quite encouraged by how He spoke to me through this mini incident and that He remembers me.
I've been feeling a bit down for the past week. Things are quite rough at home with dad's op. : ( Esp what he said to sis about how he cannot depend on the two of us, and how we never take care of the family. It hurts. It troubles...when I think of his response if I were to ever change job.
Work has been tough, receiving not-so-nice emails, and tasks that appear foreign at times. At times when I feel like quiting and say God I give up, why am I spending so much time/sweat/effort on something that doesn't seem to make sense to me?
And then reminded all over over and over that He has His plans and purposes for me. As the goliaths get slain one by one..surely I am reminded that it is one step at a time. Thank You Lord. =)For yr presence in the midst of the problems.
Dinner was so good yest night with Q and HY, whom I can be myself and share things fr my heart. I like the bonding.
Oh Jesus Jesus..lead me in Your ways. Jesus the light in the darkness...the one to set the captives free, to heal the broken hearted.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Trust and obey
On Saturday I continued reading Heaven Lake a book that I had put aside for some months. And I enjoyed myself being at home, arranging clothes and reading. It was a novel that talked abt the travel experiences of a missionary- Vincent, to Taiwan, and how due to his sleeping with a student, was beaten up by the girl's brother. And so due to circumstances (too complicated to elaborate here), he had to travel through China. I could identify with this sense of disonance from one's surroundings. And it scared me to read about how he was bullied, robbed and conned by the chinese. It taught me that I must surely be more worldly wise and emotionally strong to be a missionary.
But most of all, it reminded me of the love of Christ, we were sinful, how He loved us.
There was one particular scene in the book at the bus station whereby a poor woman was being thrown stones at by the bus drivers, because she was dirty and smelly. And Vincent, in all his guilt/condemnation/wonder-if-God-existed state, walked up to the woman, helped her and sent her to the hospital, only to find out that she was huddling in her blanket 2 dead infant corpses.
What can I say? The imperfect love of a sinner? How often I've experienced that too with God, not being at a perfect state of submission and trust with Him, yet having the opportunities to help those in need. Somehow something stirs on the inside to help in my state of inadequacy.
Sunday I went to a talk in church by a missionary too, and it was good hearing about what He was doing in the country... All that made me realise the loads of work that is left to be accomplished. And last week I've been feeling sad about my state of singlehood, and thinking about a life partner. Bcos I have plans of serving God, and some of them may not be so normal, so I worry about whether I will find someone. But reading and hearing about missions made me realise how much work there was to do, and I shouldn't be spending so much time mopping around about my loneliness. I know that God will supply. May He help me find someone who will serve Him together with the same passion. For now, I don't have to wait for that one to be serving Him wholeheartedly. :)
Lunch with Clare was good, and I chewed on something she said, about seeking God for who He is, wanting to be more like Him, versus seeking Him for direction. I thought I knew that all along, but I realise that more and more, I've become anxious and unhappy about not knowing which direction to go. And no longer was at rest, happy, or joyful at simply being. Being a child of God, being loved by Him, being more like Him. I felt so fallen, and asked Him to forgive me..I know it happens often how busy I get serving Him, but they are just dead works if done without faith.
I realise I don't really trust God. One of the other things He is nudging me about. heh. A gentle nudge though, as always, come to realise that God speaks with a gentle voice and does not force us into it. Ultimately we decide how we want to act on it. But He has been telling me about Trust and Obey. Just 2 words but speaks volumes. If only I would be able to trust Him for my job, relationships, ministry, unsaved, poor, broken hearted. If only I would obey Him about those things, serve Him joyfully, and acknowledging He is ultimately sovereign. Wouldn't that save me a lot of heartache? Alas, trust....though easy to say is hard. I realise that I've been missing out on reading His word, and chewing on His word. Believing like it is life to my soul....like it is bread to my life.
WHOOOhhoooo I'm not too sure what kinda post this is, just have a lot to say I guess. And I'm not sure if anyone visits my spiritual blog. Hopefully some of the things I say may be applicable as well and will speak to you. :)
I shall end by saying that God loves me. And He loves you too. Thank You Lord for Yr great and amazing love.
But most of all, it reminded me of the love of Christ, we were sinful, how He loved us.
There was one particular scene in the book at the bus station whereby a poor woman was being thrown stones at by the bus drivers, because she was dirty and smelly. And Vincent, in all his guilt/condemnation/wonder-if-God-existed state, walked up to the woman, helped her and sent her to the hospital, only to find out that she was huddling in her blanket 2 dead infant corpses.
What can I say? The imperfect love of a sinner? How often I've experienced that too with God, not being at a perfect state of submission and trust with Him, yet having the opportunities to help those in need. Somehow something stirs on the inside to help in my state of inadequacy.
Sunday I went to a talk in church by a missionary too, and it was good hearing about what He was doing in the country... All that made me realise the loads of work that is left to be accomplished. And last week I've been feeling sad about my state of singlehood, and thinking about a life partner. Bcos I have plans of serving God, and some of them may not be so normal, so I worry about whether I will find someone. But reading and hearing about missions made me realise how much work there was to do, and I shouldn't be spending so much time mopping around about my loneliness. I know that God will supply. May He help me find someone who will serve Him together with the same passion. For now, I don't have to wait for that one to be serving Him wholeheartedly. :)
Lunch with Clare was good, and I chewed on something she said, about seeking God for who He is, wanting to be more like Him, versus seeking Him for direction. I thought I knew that all along, but I realise that more and more, I've become anxious and unhappy about not knowing which direction to go. And no longer was at rest, happy, or joyful at simply being. Being a child of God, being loved by Him, being more like Him. I felt so fallen, and asked Him to forgive me..I know it happens often how busy I get serving Him, but they are just dead works if done without faith.
I realise I don't really trust God. One of the other things He is nudging me about. heh. A gentle nudge though, as always, come to realise that God speaks with a gentle voice and does not force us into it. Ultimately we decide how we want to act on it. But He has been telling me about Trust and Obey. Just 2 words but speaks volumes. If only I would be able to trust Him for my job, relationships, ministry, unsaved, poor, broken hearted. If only I would obey Him about those things, serve Him joyfully, and acknowledging He is ultimately sovereign. Wouldn't that save me a lot of heartache? Alas, trust....though easy to say is hard. I realise that I've been missing out on reading His word, and chewing on His word. Believing like it is life to my soul....like it is bread to my life.
WHOOOhhoooo I'm not too sure what kinda post this is, just have a lot to say I guess. And I'm not sure if anyone visits my spiritual blog. Hopefully some of the things I say may be applicable as well and will speak to you. :)
I shall end by saying that God loves me. And He loves you too. Thank You Lord for Yr great and amazing love.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Breakthrough weekend
It was simply an amazing weekend, meeting God afresh and the heart operations that He has done inside me. Thank You Lord.
Not sure where to begin, but many of the bible verses that were preached cut through my heart. Some of them were things that God had showed me before, and so it was a reminder that God had not forgotten me and remembered all that He had spoken.
Isaiah 42 spoke most to me, it was quoted by the worship leader in the first session, and later by Valerie.
6 "I, the Lord, have called You in righteousness, And will hold Your hand; I will keep You and give You as a covenant to the people, As a light to the Gentiles, 7 To open blind eyes, To bring out prisoners from the prison, Those who sit in darkness from the prison house. 8 I am the Lord, that is My name; And My glory I will not give to another, Nor My praise to carved images. 9 Behold, the former things have come to pass, And new things I declare; Before they spring forth I tell you of them."
This verse spoke to me, because walking through the days of valley, I had forgotten that God was the light, and He wanted to cut through the darkness in my heart, and to set me free from every emotional bondage. It was very reassuring. And not only that, I think after getting healed, after I have experienced God's love, I can be a "wounded healer", a light to the gentiles, a light to the depressed. Something that's in my heart. But I'm not the healer, I can only minister with the faith of God being the light.
At night, Pastor Ann talked about Jonah and Nineveh. The unwilling prophet. Perhaps self righteous too? It came to my mind who my Ninevites were....and they were businessmen and rich christians who didn't care abt the poor. I've been angry with them. And ya...Jonah had a reason to be angry, but yet God says, look at my heart, look at what I desire for these people, look with eyes of compassion and see beyond the surface. During ministry time, she asked for us to release forgiveness. I felt like a stone, didn't feel I had unforgiveness towards people, and had dealt with those issues. Started praying for C, and C also held my hand and prayed...she was praying for herself, but everything that she prayed for, applied to me, and cut into my heart! I couldn't help sobbing and crying uncontrollably....I realised what had happened inwardly, I was so sad abt people whom I couldn't help in the cell grp (CHC), and blamed myself inwardly for everything. I felt so rejected by the cell members and unappreciated. But ya...it was such a tremendous healing and presence of the Lord, that totally left me sobbing for a long long time. Thank you C, if u are reading this...how amazing our paths crossed.
Day 2 was another amazing day and touch from the Lord, after He had revealed to me the chief issue bothering me on day 1....Valerie talked abt being rooted and nourished in Christ. 3 areas of drought that she mentioned was loneliness and vocation. Hmm....both my areas of struggle. And she said God's word for the lonely was do not fear, I am with you. This totally like resonnated with the verse God always encouraged me with...Fear Not, I am with you. And yar...the flood gates opened again. I realise how much I need a refreshing touch and presence of God...of the Holy Spirit. And I wept like crazy, just being so loved by the Lord, with His assurance that He was with me in my every pain. I had this image of God putting His arms around me and hugging me, that made me cry even more.
Hmm, I went for ministry prayer, and I am amazed that CEFC also has deliverance! Knowing CEFC daily gives me more and more surprises of what is in stored. I liked it that it was personal and in a room, and the ministry workers talked to me before they prayed for me. And yar, I was slain, feeling God's weight...and as they prayed for me, I felt such a deep sense of release from the performance trap, from the unbelief and cynicism. Most of all, they prayed against the burden bearing spirit. It was such a great sense of release, letting God be God over all the burdens I had for His people, for the poor, for the non-christians.
Yar...so I've been crying buckets and I'm not sure if I can cry anymore. I'm thankful, and renewed my love for Jesus....I'm going to renew my mind daily from now onwards that I am a child of God, and I know that His grace will lead me onward. =)
Anyway, I want to share that I've been so blessed being in the fellowship of the christian women for the past 3 days. It has been an eye opener seeing God working in their lives. It has been encouraging to see women the age of my mother so fervant for the Lord....All of us go through different journeys in life, yet He is the potter, working in our lives to mould us. And...I am really encouraged by how various women have given up part of themselves, whether time/talent/youth etc, to serve the Lord. I am so blessed to be in CEFC at this stage in my life. A new kind of disciple...I am thankful that the church is building such disciples, not just outward forms, but disciples from deep within.
Not sure where to begin, but many of the bible verses that were preached cut through my heart. Some of them were things that God had showed me before, and so it was a reminder that God had not forgotten me and remembered all that He had spoken.
Isaiah 42 spoke most to me, it was quoted by the worship leader in the first session, and later by Valerie.
6 "I, the Lord, have called You in righteousness, And will hold Your hand; I will keep You and give You as a covenant to the people, As a light to the Gentiles, 7 To open blind eyes, To bring out prisoners from the prison, Those who sit in darkness from the prison house. 8 I am the Lord, that is My name; And My glory I will not give to another, Nor My praise to carved images. 9 Behold, the former things have come to pass, And new things I declare; Before they spring forth I tell you of them."
This verse spoke to me, because walking through the days of valley, I had forgotten that God was the light, and He wanted to cut through the darkness in my heart, and to set me free from every emotional bondage. It was very reassuring. And not only that, I think after getting healed, after I have experienced God's love, I can be a "wounded healer", a light to the gentiles, a light to the depressed. Something that's in my heart. But I'm not the healer, I can only minister with the faith of God being the light.
At night, Pastor Ann talked about Jonah and Nineveh. The unwilling prophet. Perhaps self righteous too? It came to my mind who my Ninevites were....and they were businessmen and rich christians who didn't care abt the poor. I've been angry with them. And ya...Jonah had a reason to be angry, but yet God says, look at my heart, look at what I desire for these people, look with eyes of compassion and see beyond the surface. During ministry time, she asked for us to release forgiveness. I felt like a stone, didn't feel I had unforgiveness towards people, and had dealt with those issues. Started praying for C, and C also held my hand and prayed...she was praying for herself, but everything that she prayed for, applied to me, and cut into my heart! I couldn't help sobbing and crying uncontrollably....I realised what had happened inwardly, I was so sad abt people whom I couldn't help in the cell grp (CHC), and blamed myself inwardly for everything. I felt so rejected by the cell members and unappreciated. But ya...it was such a tremendous healing and presence of the Lord, that totally left me sobbing for a long long time. Thank you C, if u are reading this...how amazing our paths crossed.
Day 2 was another amazing day and touch from the Lord, after He had revealed to me the chief issue bothering me on day 1....Valerie talked abt being rooted and nourished in Christ. 3 areas of drought that she mentioned was loneliness and vocation. Hmm....both my areas of struggle. And she said God's word for the lonely was do not fear, I am with you. This totally like resonnated with the verse God always encouraged me with...Fear Not, I am with you. And yar...the flood gates opened again. I realise how much I need a refreshing touch and presence of God...of the Holy Spirit. And I wept like crazy, just being so loved by the Lord, with His assurance that He was with me in my every pain. I had this image of God putting His arms around me and hugging me, that made me cry even more.
Hmm, I went for ministry prayer, and I am amazed that CEFC also has deliverance! Knowing CEFC daily gives me more and more surprises of what is in stored. I liked it that it was personal and in a room, and the ministry workers talked to me before they prayed for me. And yar, I was slain, feeling God's weight...and as they prayed for me, I felt such a deep sense of release from the performance trap, from the unbelief and cynicism. Most of all, they prayed against the burden bearing spirit. It was such a great sense of release, letting God be God over all the burdens I had for His people, for the poor, for the non-christians.
Yar...so I've been crying buckets and I'm not sure if I can cry anymore. I'm thankful, and renewed my love for Jesus....I'm going to renew my mind daily from now onwards that I am a child of God, and I know that His grace will lead me onward. =)
Anyway, I want to share that I've been so blessed being in the fellowship of the christian women for the past 3 days. It has been an eye opener seeing God working in their lives. It has been encouraging to see women the age of my mother so fervant for the Lord....All of us go through different journeys in life, yet He is the potter, working in our lives to mould us. And...I am really encouraged by how various women have given up part of themselves, whether time/talent/youth etc, to serve the Lord. I am so blessed to be in CEFC at this stage in my life. A new kind of disciple...I am thankful that the church is building such disciples, not just outward forms, but disciples from deep within.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Letters to a young evangelical on Church
"Young people often tell me that they are wary of the institutional church because they believe it is filled with hypocrites. Well, it is. What these people fail to understand, however, is that it is because the church is filled with hypocrites that they'll be right at home in it. If they don't think their own lives are filled with hypocrisies, then they are blind to the truth. We in the church mad no bones about it. We acknowledge our hypocrisy. We believe that everyone is a hypocrite, if by "hypocrite" we mean someone who does not live up to his or her declared ideals and does not practice what he or she preaches. Most of us in the church recognize that we fall short of our goals, but we acknowledge our shortcomings and have come together to help one another overcome our failures. As the old saying goes, "We're not what we ought to be, but then we're not what we used to be." The apostle Paul spoke for all of us in Philippians 3:13-14 when he acknowledged that he wasn't perfect but was still striving to become what God wanted him to be. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is the same thing I'd tell anyone else: if you ever find the perfect church, don't join it—because your joining will ruin it!
In spite of all its flaws and shortcomings, I still believe that the church is filled, for the most part, with decent and caring people who will be there when you need them. The loving fellowship that the church often provides is exemplified in a story that a Presbyterian pastor once told me about his early days of ministry at a small country church. One day, a young woman came to the church to present her child for baptism. She had given birth to the child out of wedlock; in a small rural community, a woman who has done this can easily find herself shunned. The day of the baptism, the woman stood alone before the congregation, holding her child in her arms. The pastor hadn't recognized the awkwardness of the situation until he asked, as is customary in a baptismal service, "Who stands with this child to assure the commitments and promises herewith made will be carried out? Who will be there for this child in times of need and assure that this child is brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord?" At that moment, he realized that there was no godmother or godfather on hand to answer the question. But, as though on cue, the entire congregation stood and with one voice said, "We will!"
Those who think that church people are all bad should have been around on that Sunday, when they would have had a chance to see the church at its best. They would have seen the church as a nurturing community. That kind of church is worth your time."
Taken from Tony Campolo's Letters to a Young Evangelical.
For more, read here: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/mayweb-only/118-22.0.html
This abstract I copied out really resonated within me. Coming one full circle from attachment to the church--> disillusionment--> detachment from the church.
In spite of all its flaws and shortcomings, I still believe that the church is filled, for the most part, with decent and caring people who will be there when you need them. The loving fellowship that the church often provides is exemplified in a story that a Presbyterian pastor once told me about his early days of ministry at a small country church. One day, a young woman came to the church to present her child for baptism. She had given birth to the child out of wedlock; in a small rural community, a woman who has done this can easily find herself shunned. The day of the baptism, the woman stood alone before the congregation, holding her child in her arms. The pastor hadn't recognized the awkwardness of the situation until he asked, as is customary in a baptismal service, "Who stands with this child to assure the commitments and promises herewith made will be carried out? Who will be there for this child in times of need and assure that this child is brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord?" At that moment, he realized that there was no godmother or godfather on hand to answer the question. But, as though on cue, the entire congregation stood and with one voice said, "We will!"
Those who think that church people are all bad should have been around on that Sunday, when they would have had a chance to see the church at its best. They would have seen the church as a nurturing community. That kind of church is worth your time."
Taken from Tony Campolo's Letters to a Young Evangelical.
For more, read here: http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/mayweb-only/118-22.0.html
This abstract I copied out really resonated within me. Coming one full circle from attachment to the church--> disillusionment--> detachment from the church.
Friday, April 27, 2007
The Dark Night of the Soul
"To take seriously the Discipline of solitude will mean that at some point or points along the pilgrimage we will enter what St John of the Cross vividly describes as 'the dark night of the soul'. The 'dark night' to which he calls us is not something bad or destructive. On the contrary, it is an experience to be welcomed much as a sick person might welcome a surgery that promises health and well-being. The purpose of the darkness is not to punish or to afflict us. It is to set us free. It is a divine appointment, a privileged opportunity to draw close to the divine Centre...
What does the dark night of the soul involve? We may have a sense of dryness, aloneness, even lostness. Any overdependence on the emotional life is stripped away. The notion, often heard today, that such experiences should be avoided and that we always should live in peace and comfort, joy and celebration only betrays the fact that much contemporary experience is surface slush. The dark night is one of the ways God brings us into a hush, a stillness so that he may work an inner transformation upon the soul. ..
How is this dark night expressed in daily life? When solitude is seriously pursued, there is usually a flush of initial success and then an inevitable letdown- and with it a desire to abandon the pursuit altogether. Feelings leave and there is the sense that we are not getting through to God. St John of the Cross describes it this way '... the darkness of the soul mentioned here...puts the sensory and spiritual appetites to sleep...It binds the imagination and impedes it from doing any good discursive work, It makes the memory cease, the intellect becomes dark and unable to understand anything, and hence it causes the will also to become arid and constrained, and all the faculties empty and useless. And over all this hangs a dense and burdensome cloud which afflicts the soul and keeps it withdrawn from God.'....
' Oh, then, spiritual soul, when you see your appetites darkened, your inclinations dry and constrained, your faculties incapacitated for any interior exercise, do not be afflicted; think of this as a grace since God is freeing you from yourself and taking from you your own activity.' (St John of the Cross )
From Celebration of Disciplines
Richard Foster
Strangely for no reason, was emotionally feeling so down for the whole of this week. It was as if a dark cloud loomed over me, and I saw no light out of these feelings of sadness. It is as if...the victory and revelations of yesterday suddenly came to naught and I was back to square one of aloneness.
The longer I am a christian, the more I don't think I know God at all. Who are you God? I stop myself to ask this question everyday. When I was younger, I thought I could be somebody- that cell leader, that spiritual mentor, the bible study teacher. Now I am simply nothing, can't claim to be anybody, except someone saved graciously by the love of God.
Dear God, Thank You for never letting me go amidst all the circumstances. Thank You for yr gracious love toward me.
So complete in You, I am...
Complete - Parachute Band
Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice
My open heart, I offer up my life
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again
So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears
Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And by faith I will walk on Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in You
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again
What does the dark night of the soul involve? We may have a sense of dryness, aloneness, even lostness. Any overdependence on the emotional life is stripped away. The notion, often heard today, that such experiences should be avoided and that we always should live in peace and comfort, joy and celebration only betrays the fact that much contemporary experience is surface slush. The dark night is one of the ways God brings us into a hush, a stillness so that he may work an inner transformation upon the soul. ..
How is this dark night expressed in daily life? When solitude is seriously pursued, there is usually a flush of initial success and then an inevitable letdown- and with it a desire to abandon the pursuit altogether. Feelings leave and there is the sense that we are not getting through to God. St John of the Cross describes it this way '... the darkness of the soul mentioned here...puts the sensory and spiritual appetites to sleep...It binds the imagination and impedes it from doing any good discursive work, It makes the memory cease, the intellect becomes dark and unable to understand anything, and hence it causes the will also to become arid and constrained, and all the faculties empty and useless. And over all this hangs a dense and burdensome cloud which afflicts the soul and keeps it withdrawn from God.'....
' Oh, then, spiritual soul, when you see your appetites darkened, your inclinations dry and constrained, your faculties incapacitated for any interior exercise, do not be afflicted; think of this as a grace since God is freeing you from yourself and taking from you your own activity.' (St John of the Cross )
From Celebration of Disciplines
Richard Foster
Strangely for no reason, was emotionally feeling so down for the whole of this week. It was as if a dark cloud loomed over me, and I saw no light out of these feelings of sadness. It is as if...the victory and revelations of yesterday suddenly came to naught and I was back to square one of aloneness.
The longer I am a christian, the more I don't think I know God at all. Who are you God? I stop myself to ask this question everyday. When I was younger, I thought I could be somebody- that cell leader, that spiritual mentor, the bible study teacher. Now I am simply nothing, can't claim to be anybody, except someone saved graciously by the love of God.
Dear God, Thank You for never letting me go amidst all the circumstances. Thank You for yr gracious love toward me.
So complete in You, I am...
Complete - Parachute Band
Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice
My open heart, I offer up my life
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again
So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears
Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And by faith I will walk on Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in You
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Hiding behind the Cross
I finally finished the book Good News to the Poor by Tim Chester, and I must say, I rank it as one of the best books I've read. :) It provides a very balanced view of reaching the poor through the gospel and through social involvement.
In the second last chapt, I learnt of this word called "Christendom"- which is the term used to refer to those countries and regions that consider themselves Christian. It involves the church "using or influencing political power to protect its interests and further its mission".
I never quite managed to capture why I felt this sense of discomfort whenever there was mentioning of how Christians will go into the marketplace and be in positions of authority and power and convert the whole culture. In some ways I believe in that, and yet in other ways, I think this book captures it well. He says, "Christian ministry is not conducted through political power or media influence. It is conducted in the upside down, unpredictable power of the cross. It is conducted through weakness and dishonour."
"The church became aligned with the establishment so that those who were marginalized within society were therefore marginalised from the church... The involvement of Christians in cultural and civic life ought to be motivated by love of neighbour, not by self-interest- not even by the corporate self interest of the evangelical movement."
"The church as the church should not seek power or influence in a secular sense. Instead it should seek opportunities to serve the world. As the church follows the way of the cross, it must choose 'participation in the powerlessness of God in the world'. It stands with the weak and the powerless. It speaks on behalf of those whose voice is not heard. It seeks justice for the poor."
He closes with this poem which I find quite meaningful, and touched my heart.
Jesus, Jewel of the Poor
Steward Henderson
From the crystal courts of heaven
to the fly-blown stable floor,
this is a different kind of glory-
Jesus, jewel of the poor.
Visionary of unknown planets
strolls unnoticed by the shore,
this is a sparse and modest glory-
Jesus, jewel of the poor.
Made the dust walk by his breathing,
weeping image of the Law,
this is a strangely chosen glory-
Jesus, jewel of the poor.
Zeal of heaven hangs exhausted,
bore the gouge of Satan's claw,
this is a beaten, hopeless glory-
Jesus, jewel of the poor.
Homeless Saviour of the nomad
lifts the starving through his door,
this the just and finished glory-
Jesus, jewel of the poor.
-------------
How precious the cross. How precious the Father's love for us.
The power of the cross...."power in weakness, victory in failure and glory in shame".
In the second last chapt, I learnt of this word called "Christendom"- which is the term used to refer to those countries and regions that consider themselves Christian. It involves the church "using or influencing political power to protect its interests and further its mission".
I never quite managed to capture why I felt this sense of discomfort whenever there was mentioning of how Christians will go into the marketplace and be in positions of authority and power and convert the whole culture. In some ways I believe in that, and yet in other ways, I think this book captures it well. He says, "Christian ministry is not conducted through political power or media influence. It is conducted in the upside down, unpredictable power of the cross. It is conducted through weakness and dishonour."
"The church became aligned with the establishment so that those who were marginalized within society were therefore marginalised from the church... The involvement of Christians in cultural and civic life ought to be motivated by love of neighbour, not by self-interest- not even by the corporate self interest of the evangelical movement."
"The church as the church should not seek power or influence in a secular sense. Instead it should seek opportunities to serve the world. As the church follows the way of the cross, it must choose 'participation in the powerlessness of God in the world'. It stands with the weak and the powerless. It speaks on behalf of those whose voice is not heard. It seeks justice for the poor."
He closes with this poem which I find quite meaningful, and touched my heart.
Jesus, Jewel of the Poor
Steward Henderson
From the crystal courts of heaven
to the fly-blown stable floor,
this is a different kind of glory-
Jesus, jewel of the poor.
Visionary of unknown planets
strolls unnoticed by the shore,
this is a sparse and modest glory-
Jesus, jewel of the poor.
Made the dust walk by his breathing,
weeping image of the Law,
this is a strangely chosen glory-
Jesus, jewel of the poor.
Zeal of heaven hangs exhausted,
bore the gouge of Satan's claw,
this is a beaten, hopeless glory-
Jesus, jewel of the poor.
Homeless Saviour of the nomad
lifts the starving through his door,
this the just and finished glory-
Jesus, jewel of the poor.
-------------
How precious the cross. How precious the Father's love for us.
The power of the cross...."power in weakness, victory in failure and glory in shame".
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Once saved always saved?
We had an interesting cg session on Monday, and we were talking about whether we can lose our salvation. I think thats a whole huge debate that has been going on for ages. So where is my stand on it? It reminds me of that faithful day when I was in Burger King, debating this with J, and being angry when he insisted on this concept of once saved always saved. But then a lightbulb lit and I saw it from a different perspective, of how our salvation is not upheld by our own hands or by our works, but how a good God protects our faith from being destroyed. Yup, and what good news that everyday I live my life as a christian knowing that He is keeping me...He is keeping me from falling. And I don't have to worry, did I pray enough today, was I nice to someone today, and will I wake up the next day in heaven? Cos I am assured that I will be in heaven with faith in my God.
Yet, another aspect that makes me not so comfortable...Remembering the warnings in the bible of those who come to God, and the reply was that, I do not know you. Or how about choosing the goats and the sheep? Hmm. Maybe I am not reading those verses in its entire context. Somehow sometimes I feel that it is so unfair that some people could be really nice and all, but yet they end up in hell because they don't know God. That's prob so why I think what C.S. Lewis said makes much sense...in my blog some time ago, about how people are in the process of being saved. Hmm.
And maybe with the concept that God is all accepting, we may not be inspired to do more works. The other opinion is that because I know God is all accepting, therefore I am even more encouraged to serve Him more. But I don't know how many of us take God's grace for granted. I know for me I tend to err on the other extreme of legalism. So I don't know if we can err on the side of grace. Or can we be all comfortable and all being christians, knowing we are saved and yet not doing anything about it. And also how radical is this call of God in our lives?
I dread growing older and compromising on God's call, just find a good husband, marry, have kids and earn a steady income. Be faithful serving in a church. Maybe that is a calling. Maybe that is not? It is always easier to think that being called to serve in Singapore in the mkt place is our calling, because the alternative seems much more difficult. Don't mistake me, I think that it is a challenge as well being in a ministry say of serving lawyers and reaching out to them. I am sure sometimes it just gets really lonely esp when yr peers have different values from you. But yes, it must be a calling to stay in a job and to serve in this manner. I wonder how many of us has never ever stopped to ask God what our calling is, but simply continue with our dreams and aspirations as if our lives were our own....continue making plans for our retirement, and for our etc etc.
Hai, this is a very intensed post as u can see, I've been thinking a lot about these things. And I am scared of losing myself. I am scared of compromising and going with the norm.
Yest during counseling class we were talking about singlehood, and there was this lady who said if she had a 4K salary, she will not consider someone who was earning 2K. Hmm. And on the inside I was thinking how diff people value different things. Like for me, I value more that a person is living out his life in God's plan and will. And yah, if someone gave up prospects to serve God full time, I will be so inspired by this man who goes against the norms (again not suggesting that it is godly only if someone does that). I'm wondering if I will find someone who has crazy ideas like me. ;D I wonder if anyone feels like me. Or am I going crazy. I sometimes wonder if being at peace with yrself and with the world is a good thing. Because maybe the world is not so peaceful afterall and it needs us to fight a good fight.
Yet, another aspect that makes me not so comfortable...Remembering the warnings in the bible of those who come to God, and the reply was that, I do not know you. Or how about choosing the goats and the sheep? Hmm. Maybe I am not reading those verses in its entire context. Somehow sometimes I feel that it is so unfair that some people could be really nice and all, but yet they end up in hell because they don't know God. That's prob so why I think what C.S. Lewis said makes much sense...in my blog some time ago, about how people are in the process of being saved. Hmm.
And maybe with the concept that God is all accepting, we may not be inspired to do more works. The other opinion is that because I know God is all accepting, therefore I am even more encouraged to serve Him more. But I don't know how many of us take God's grace for granted. I know for me I tend to err on the other extreme of legalism. So I don't know if we can err on the side of grace. Or can we be all comfortable and all being christians, knowing we are saved and yet not doing anything about it. And also how radical is this call of God in our lives?
I dread growing older and compromising on God's call, just find a good husband, marry, have kids and earn a steady income. Be faithful serving in a church. Maybe that is a calling. Maybe that is not? It is always easier to think that being called to serve in Singapore in the mkt place is our calling, because the alternative seems much more difficult. Don't mistake me, I think that it is a challenge as well being in a ministry say of serving lawyers and reaching out to them. I am sure sometimes it just gets really lonely esp when yr peers have different values from you. But yes, it must be a calling to stay in a job and to serve in this manner. I wonder how many of us has never ever stopped to ask God what our calling is, but simply continue with our dreams and aspirations as if our lives were our own....continue making plans for our retirement, and for our etc etc.
Hai, this is a very intensed post as u can see, I've been thinking a lot about these things. And I am scared of losing myself. I am scared of compromising and going with the norm.
Yest during counseling class we were talking about singlehood, and there was this lady who said if she had a 4K salary, she will not consider someone who was earning 2K. Hmm. And on the inside I was thinking how diff people value different things. Like for me, I value more that a person is living out his life in God's plan and will. And yah, if someone gave up prospects to serve God full time, I will be so inspired by this man who goes against the norms (again not suggesting that it is godly only if someone does that). I'm wondering if I will find someone who has crazy ideas like me. ;D I wonder if anyone feels like me. Or am I going crazy. I sometimes wonder if being at peace with yrself and with the world is a good thing. Because maybe the world is not so peaceful afterall and it needs us to fight a good fight.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Is it time to start anew?
I'm so thankful for the sermon today, and this one phrase that Pastor Ed shared lingers in my heart even now. Peace is not the absence of trouble but the presence of God. It brings to my mind my journey back then in ministry, thinking about whether the many troubles that happened to my cell group members and myself meant that I was not called to serve in this area. And this sermon gave me a revelation that perhaps God had wanted me to walk through the troubles, with His presence by my side. Not to fix my eyes on the problems and fixing my eyes on what He has called me to do.
Seeing the video today with the vibrant youths made my heart leap with excitement. Youths...an age where they are so mouldable and in need of proper guidance. In need of love and their love tank to be filled. It stirred deep within me memories of youths jumping up and down in CHC. Heh. It reminded me of how yielded youths can be. And I remembered the faces of youths who felt unloved, who dropped out from school, who took up smoking, who felt lonely, who struggled with their studies, who were upset with their friends...Tears of healing streaming down faces of youths...Oh gosh, this love I've for youths. Though I have some apprehensions, my counseling teacher said before, if yr own love tank is empty, u have nothing to offer others! I wonder if my love tank has been refilled. Or do I need more time?
Seeing the video today with the vibrant youths made my heart leap with excitement. Youths...an age where they are so mouldable and in need of proper guidance. In need of love and their love tank to be filled. It stirred deep within me memories of youths jumping up and down in CHC. Heh. It reminded me of how yielded youths can be. And I remembered the faces of youths who felt unloved, who dropped out from school, who took up smoking, who felt lonely, who struggled with their studies, who were upset with their friends...Tears of healing streaming down faces of youths...Oh gosh, this love I've for youths. Though I have some apprehensions, my counseling teacher said before, if yr own love tank is empty, u have nothing to offer others! I wonder if my love tank has been refilled. Or do I need more time?
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Loving the excluded
Worth thinking about:
1) Stan and Mari Thekaekara work with tribal peoples in the Nilgiris Hills of India. Their reflections on visiting a number of projects in inner city areas of the UK are reproduced in a report from the Centre for Innovation in Voluntary Action:
"On arriving in the UK, it is difficult at first for a visitor from a Third World country to immediately perceive that poverty exists at all. Everyone was better housed, clad and fed. Everyone seemed to have a television, a fridge- some even had cars- all items of luxury for the majority of people in India. But as the week went by we began to see beyond the televisions, refrigerators and cars. Amazingly, similarities between the people of Easterhouse* and Paniyas of the Nilgiris began to emerge. Though the face of poverty was completely different, the impact was exactly the same. - cited in Ingrid Hanson, Faces of Poverty: The State of Britain in the 90s."
-Tim Chester, Good News to the Poor
*Note:
A district of Glasgow, Easterhouse lies to the east of the city centre- the settlement came to be associated with high unemployment, poverty and deprivation. In the 1990s the Greater Easterhouse Development Company was formed to help attract industry to the area.
2) When Christ said: "I was hungry and you fed me," he didn't mean only the hunger for bread and for food; the hunger to be loved. Jesus experienced this loneliness. He came amongst his own and his own received him not, and it hurt him then and it has kept hurting him. The same hunger, the same loneliness, the same having no one accepted by and to be loved and wanted by. Every human being in that case resembles Christ in his loneliness; and that is the hardest part, that's real hunger.
-Mother Teresa
1) Stan and Mari Thekaekara work with tribal peoples in the Nilgiris Hills of India. Their reflections on visiting a number of projects in inner city areas of the UK are reproduced in a report from the Centre for Innovation in Voluntary Action:
"On arriving in the UK, it is difficult at first for a visitor from a Third World country to immediately perceive that poverty exists at all. Everyone was better housed, clad and fed. Everyone seemed to have a television, a fridge- some even had cars- all items of luxury for the majority of people in India. But as the week went by we began to see beyond the televisions, refrigerators and cars. Amazingly, similarities between the people of Easterhouse* and Paniyas of the Nilgiris began to emerge. Though the face of poverty was completely different, the impact was exactly the same. - cited in Ingrid Hanson, Faces of Poverty: The State of Britain in the 90s."
-Tim Chester, Good News to the Poor
*Note:
A district of Glasgow, Easterhouse lies to the east of the city centre- the settlement came to be associated with high unemployment, poverty and deprivation. In the 1990s the Greater Easterhouse Development Company was formed to help attract industry to the area.
2) When Christ said: "I was hungry and you fed me," he didn't mean only the hunger for bread and for food; the hunger to be loved. Jesus experienced this loneliness. He came amongst his own and his own received him not, and it hurt him then and it has kept hurting him. The same hunger, the same loneliness, the same having no one accepted by and to be loved and wanted by. Every human being in that case resembles Christ in his loneliness; and that is the hardest part, that's real hunger.
-Mother Teresa
Calling
I thought this was pretty good and it spoke to me..
GRACE@WORK MAIL 11/07
[March 16, 2007 Edition]
"I tell you the solemn truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains by itself alone. But if it dies, it produces much grain."
(John 12:24 NET)
Commentary: One Life to Live
She had a professional qualification in accounting and had worked in one of the Big 4 accounting firms for a while. But deep down she knew she was a teacher with a special love for preschoolers. And so she resigned from her accounting job and became a kindergarten
teacher in her church. The drop in salary was drastic. She had to take another job to make ends meet. But her faith was strong. And her joy was real.
Her story moved me profoundly.
If you are a regular reader of this column you will know that I do not divide jobs on the basis of whether they are secular or spiritual. If you are a regular reader of this column you will know that I champion the call for Christians to understand that God calls us into all sorts of work and
not just into church related work. And we definitely need God's people in the Big 4!
But what moved me about my friend's decision was that she had the courage and the faith to be true to her heart's call.
There will be those who will call her decision a waste. What a waste to give up a job of such earning potential. What a waste of her had earned expertise in accountancy. And doesn't she know how expensive it is to live these days? Doesn't she know the crushing effects of inflation on those of us who are not rich?
I heard the same arguments when I came to understand that God wanted me to leave dentistry to be a full time minister of the Word. I had expected that non-Christian friends would have found it difficult to accept such a counter-cultural decision. What I didn't expect was that most of the resistance to my leaving dentistry to go into a church related vocation came from Christians.
I would have thought that Christians would be the first to understand that our lives are not our own and that we are all but stewards of the lives we have received. I would have thought that Christians would understand that their security lies ultimately in the Lord and not in the monthly pay cheque, and that the most secure place one can be is walking in the will of the Lord wherever that journey takes you.
I was wrong.
It seems that many churches are not places that encourage people to discover their vocations, and support them as they embark on their God-given adventures. And it seems like this reluctance to think of life in vocational terms is not new.
At the age of 30, Albert Schweitzer decided to leave his position as principal of a theological seminary to enter medical school to prepare to be a missionary doctor to Africa. He talks about the resistance he received.
"My relatives and friends reproached me for the folly of my enterprise. They said I was a man who was burying the talent entrusted to him and wanted to trade in false currency. I ought to leave work among Africans to those who would not thereby abandon gifts and achievements in scholarship and the arts...
In the many adversarial debates I had to endure with people who passed for Christians, it amazed me to see them unable to perceive that the desire to serve the love preached by Jesus may sweep a man into a new course of life. They read in the New Testament that it can do so, and found it quite in order there.
I had assumed that familiarity with the sayings of Jesus would give a much better comprehension of what to popular logic is not rational."
(Albert Schweitzer, Out of My Life and Thought, Baltimore: The Johns Hopkins
University Press, 1998, pp. 81-95.)
We cheat the world of the Schweitzers in our midst by not encouraging our people to find and pursue their vocations. And we cheat ourselves and our children from living lives of meaning and significance.
How do we discover our vocation? I believe discovering our vocation is a life long journey. A good starting place is to consider the primary calls on our lives. We have been called to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love our neighbour as ourselves (Mark 12:29-31). With my abilities, burdens and opportunities how do I best love God and neighbour at this point of my life?
And here is Frederick Buechner's oft quoted advice:
"By and large a good rule for finding out (your life calling) is this: the kind of work God usually calls you to do is the kind of work (a) that you need most to do and (b) that the world most needs to have done. If you really get a kick out of your work, you've presumably met requirement (a), but if your work is writing cigarette ads, the chances are you've missed
requirement (b). On the other hand, if your work is being a doctor in a leper colony, you
have probably met requirement (b) but if most of the time you're bored and
depressed by it, chances are you have not only bypassed (a), but probably
aren't helping your patients much either. Neither the hair shirt nor the soft berth will do. The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."
(Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC, New York: Harper &
Row, 1973, p.95.)
I also believe there is no ideal time to pursue one's vocation. Some of us carry heavy financial responsibilities --- aged parents to care for, children to feed etc. The Lord knows that. We may have to do one job to put food on the table while pursuing our vocation outside of work time --- and striving to do our best in both responsibilities. Others may have to wait
for another season in their lives to pursue their vocation full time.
The Lord knows the details of your life and will work out everything in the end. Nothing will be wasted. We are to follow God in the realities of our life and not in some romantic never-never land.
But what all of us need is the courage and faith of my young friend who became a kindergarten teacher. At some point we need to choose the security of obeying God over the security that comes from popular logic. And when we do that we find life, life for others and life for ourselves.
Your brother,
Soo-Inn Tan
Email: sooinn@graceatwork.org
GRACE@WORK MAIL 11/07
[March 16, 2007 Edition]
"I tell you the solemn truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains by itself alone. But if it dies, it produces much grain."
(John 12:24 NET)
Commentary: One Life to Live
She had a professional qualification in accounting and had worked in one of the Big 4 accounting firms for a while. But deep down she knew she was a teacher with a special love for preschoolers. And so she resigned from her accounting job and became a kindergarten
teacher in her church. The drop in salary was drastic. She had to take another job to make ends meet. But her faith was strong. And her joy was real.
Her story moved me profoundly.
If you are a regular reader of this column you will know that I do not divide jobs on the basis of whether they are secular or spiritual. If you are a regular reader of this column you will know that I champion the call for Christians to understand that God calls us into all sorts of work and
not just into church related work. And we definitely need God's people in the Big 4!
But what moved me about my friend's decision was that she had the courage and the faith to be true to her heart's call.
There will be those who will call her decision a waste. What a waste to give up a job of such earning potential. What a waste of her had earned expertise in accountancy. And doesn't she know how expensive it is to live these days? Doesn't she know the crushing effects of inflation on those of us who are not rich?
I heard the same arguments when I came to understand that God wanted me to leave dentistry to be a full time minister of the Word. I had expected that non-Christian friends would have found it difficult to accept such a counter-cultural decision. What I didn't expect was that most of the resistance to my leaving dentistry to go into a church related vocation came from Christians.
I would have thought that Christians would be the first to understand that our lives are not our own and that we are all but stewards of the lives we have received. I would have thought that Christians would understand that their security lies ultimately in the Lord and not in the monthly pay cheque, and that the most secure place one can be is walking in the will of the Lord wherever that journey takes you.
I was wrong.
It seems that many churches are not places that encourage people to discover their vocations, and support them as they embark on their God-given adventures. And it seems like this reluctance to think of life in vocational terms is not new.
At the age of 30, Albert Schweitzer decided to leave his position as principal of a theological seminary to enter medical school to prepare to be a missionary doctor to Africa. He talks about the resistance he received.
"My relatives and friends reproached me for the folly of my enterprise. They said I was a man who was burying the talent entrusted to him and wanted to trade in false currency. I ought to leave work among Africans to those who would not thereby abandon gifts and achievements in scholarship and the arts...
In the many adversarial debates I had to endure with people who passed for Christians, it amazed me to see them unable to perceive that the desire to serve the love preached by Jesus may sweep a man into a new course of life. They read in the New Testament that it can do so, and found it quite in order there.
I had assumed that familiarity with the sayings of Jesus would give a much better comprehension of what to popular logic is not rational."
(Albert Schweitzer, Out of My Life and Thought, Baltimore: The Johns Hopkins
University Press, 1998, pp. 81-95.)
We cheat the world of the Schweitzers in our midst by not encouraging our people to find and pursue their vocations. And we cheat ourselves and our children from living lives of meaning and significance.
How do we discover our vocation? I believe discovering our vocation is a life long journey. A good starting place is to consider the primary calls on our lives. We have been called to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love our neighbour as ourselves (Mark 12:29-31). With my abilities, burdens and opportunities how do I best love God and neighbour at this point of my life?
And here is Frederick Buechner's oft quoted advice:
"By and large a good rule for finding out (your life calling) is this: the kind of work God usually calls you to do is the kind of work (a) that you need most to do and (b) that the world most needs to have done. If you really get a kick out of your work, you've presumably met requirement (a), but if your work is writing cigarette ads, the chances are you've missed
requirement (b). On the other hand, if your work is being a doctor in a leper colony, you
have probably met requirement (b) but if most of the time you're bored and
depressed by it, chances are you have not only bypassed (a), but probably
aren't helping your patients much either. Neither the hair shirt nor the soft berth will do. The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."
(Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC, New York: Harper &
Row, 1973, p.95.)
I also believe there is no ideal time to pursue one's vocation. Some of us carry heavy financial responsibilities --- aged parents to care for, children to feed etc. The Lord knows that. We may have to do one job to put food on the table while pursuing our vocation outside of work time --- and striving to do our best in both responsibilities. Others may have to wait
for another season in their lives to pursue their vocation full time.
The Lord knows the details of your life and will work out everything in the end. Nothing will be wasted. We are to follow God in the realities of our life and not in some romantic never-never land.
But what all of us need is the courage and faith of my young friend who became a kindergarten teacher. At some point we need to choose the security of obeying God over the security that comes from popular logic. And when we do that we find life, life for others and life for ourselves.
Your brother,
Soo-Inn Tan
Email: sooinn@graceatwork.org
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Setting my house in order
God has been teaching me a lot of things this week. Just by my mum fracturing her ankle, and how we are all adjusting life at home without her. Also the cosy visits at the hospital room, perhaps get to talk much more and interact with my parents than ever before.
Today I brought Q to church, and I felt such a tremendous sense of peace and amazement of how He is just moving in her life :). Really everything in His time. And today pastor was talking about enlarging our tents and how knowing God was such a fantastically joyful thing, because you do not just receive forgiveness, but it gives u a new life. I am so amazed at how simple evangelism can actually be, which is simply: sharing the good news of a loving Father who loves you unconditionally. Flipping thru sermon notes, and saw what Pastor Edmund had said before, that God pours His love unconditonally, but from men's point of view, we cannot receive it. But once the heart is open...wow, the love pours forth into the heart and heals the broken heartedness. God's love has always been the thing that saw me through every difficult situation, no matter how difficult, lonely or depressed I felt, I know that my greatest comforter is God.
And so maybe in this post I will just blabber a bit. :) Ha... so many thoughts running through my mind right now. How good He is, and how amazing He has called me to a new place, a new church where I can call my home, and yup, where I can "come out of Egypt", into a new land of milk and honey.
Today the topic was on broken down walls, and accessing those walls in our lives and taking decisive action. A broken down wall for me is definitely family relationships. I have fears of/about my parents that go down so deep, and I don't like to acknowledge these fears. Perhaps it is more comforting sweeping them under the carpet. Yet the word spoken today reminded me that I should face those fears that are hidden, and from there receive healing and move forward. And this whole incident of my mum being hospitalised...I must say it just came so close...it's right 1 week after the quarrel I had with Dad about going to Africa with World Vision for a trip. I was very upset then with my parents, and cried out and travailed with God for an hour at least, and felt a deep sense of burden. Fasted during the week. I believe that God is doing a new work in my life. I believe that He is calling me to come out of Egypt, out of my fears & bondages that hold me back for He is doing something new in my life.
Just thought of how good God is, to help me set my house in order first- the inner conditions of my heart and in the family. :)
I'm very tired. But very very thankful from the depths of my heart. :)
Was reading Tim Chester's book again yesterday, and he wrote about:
"Godly contentment is not about austerity or ascentricism. It is about enjoyment.. involve opting for something of greater value."
I was reflecting about whether I am really trying to spend less/live simply out of legalism (aka treating it as a sacrifice), or do I really enjoy the choices that I have made? Am I really convicted that choosing God is far more satisfying than the alternative (material satisfaction)? With this mind blowing revelation, I realise that choosing God is actually for my own good rather than a sacrifice. He loves us too much to not give us what is best for us. Just that humanly, we sometimes cannot grasp that the alternative is so valuable.
Today I brought Q to church, and I felt such a tremendous sense of peace and amazement of how He is just moving in her life :). Really everything in His time. And today pastor was talking about enlarging our tents and how knowing God was such a fantastically joyful thing, because you do not just receive forgiveness, but it gives u a new life. I am so amazed at how simple evangelism can actually be, which is simply: sharing the good news of a loving Father who loves you unconditionally. Flipping thru sermon notes, and saw what Pastor Edmund had said before, that God pours His love unconditonally, but from men's point of view, we cannot receive it. But once the heart is open...wow, the love pours forth into the heart and heals the broken heartedness. God's love has always been the thing that saw me through every difficult situation, no matter how difficult, lonely or depressed I felt, I know that my greatest comforter is God.
And so maybe in this post I will just blabber a bit. :) Ha... so many thoughts running through my mind right now. How good He is, and how amazing He has called me to a new place, a new church where I can call my home, and yup, where I can "come out of Egypt", into a new land of milk and honey.
Today the topic was on broken down walls, and accessing those walls in our lives and taking decisive action. A broken down wall for me is definitely family relationships. I have fears of/about my parents that go down so deep, and I don't like to acknowledge these fears. Perhaps it is more comforting sweeping them under the carpet. Yet the word spoken today reminded me that I should face those fears that are hidden, and from there receive healing and move forward. And this whole incident of my mum being hospitalised...I must say it just came so close...it's right 1 week after the quarrel I had with Dad about going to Africa with World Vision for a trip. I was very upset then with my parents, and cried out and travailed with God for an hour at least, and felt a deep sense of burden. Fasted during the week. I believe that God is doing a new work in my life. I believe that He is calling me to come out of Egypt, out of my fears & bondages that hold me back for He is doing something new in my life.
Just thought of how good God is, to help me set my house in order first- the inner conditions of my heart and in the family. :)
I'm very tired. But very very thankful from the depths of my heart. :)
Was reading Tim Chester's book again yesterday, and he wrote about:
"Godly contentment is not about austerity or ascentricism. It is about enjoyment.. involve opting for something of greater value."
I was reflecting about whether I am really trying to spend less/live simply out of legalism (aka treating it as a sacrifice), or do I really enjoy the choices that I have made? Am I really convicted that choosing God is far more satisfying than the alternative (material satisfaction)? With this mind blowing revelation, I realise that choosing God is actually for my own good rather than a sacrifice. He loves us too much to not give us what is best for us. Just that humanly, we sometimes cannot grasp that the alternative is so valuable.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Not what it seems
Interesting article by Philip Yancey
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/march/22.120.html
"The world is full of pain. The prosperity promised on religious television must exist in some alternate universe from what I encounter as I visit churches in person. For all its faults and failures, the church offers a place to bring wounds and to seek meaning in times of brokenness and struggle...
In one meeting, a 20-year-old came to the microphone and chided me for not taking literally the Bible's promise about faith that can move mountains. I agreed I needed a larger dose of such childlike faith, yet at the same time, I could not dishonor the pain of suffering people by telling them their faith is somehow defective.
From such souls, I learn that life is not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be lived. Prayer offers no ironclad guarantees, just the certain promise that we need not live that mystery alone."
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/march/22.120.html
"The world is full of pain. The prosperity promised on religious television must exist in some alternate universe from what I encounter as I visit churches in person. For all its faults and failures, the church offers a place to bring wounds and to seek meaning in times of brokenness and struggle...
In one meeting, a 20-year-old came to the microphone and chided me for not taking literally the Bible's promise about faith that can move mountains. I agreed I needed a larger dose of such childlike faith, yet at the same time, I could not dishonor the pain of suffering people by telling them their faith is somehow defective.
From such souls, I learn that life is not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be lived. Prayer offers no ironclad guarantees, just the certain promise that we need not live that mystery alone."
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Boasting only in the cross
"In Britain, it seems we are obsessed with celebrities...We love our celebrity converts. Footballers, singers, models- if they become Christians, then we buy their books, go to their concerts, trumpet their conversion. Best of all we love to show them off to unbelievers...When we engage the world we try to convince people that we are worthy of being listened to because we are respectable. We hide away the freaks, the mentally unstable, the socially inept, the people who smell, the people who stand too close when they talk to you, the poor people, the stupid people. After all, no-one is going to listen to them...
But Paul takes a very different line in 1 Cor 1:26-31. Paul has been expounding his claim that 'the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God' (1:18). God, he says, destroys the wisdom of the world by revealing his power in soemthing that worldly wisdom does not recognise (1:19-22). It seems as if only powerful signs can impress Jews and as if only clever philosophical ideas can impress the Greeks...We must not think that doing miracles or expounding clever arguments will convert the world, because the power of God and the wisdom of God is found in the message of the cross (1:23-25). Our message must be, and can only be, Christ crucified...
Paul invites the Corinthaians to look at themselves. They do not represent the wise, influential and noble people of this world. There were some in Corinth, like this, but not many. The church was primarily made up of those who were on the fringe- those in soceity who did not have much to appeal to. God is choosing these kinds of people to be part of his demonstration of the wisdom of the cross. God chooses the foolish, weak and lowly to nullify human power and wisdom. He shames wisdom, power and status because we use these things to proclaim that we do not need God."
Tim Chester
Good News to the Poor
(XJ says: It is not our form that convinces people to christianity. Why not seek first of all a walk of obedience to the cross? Thereafter everything falls into place, whether in the form of being influential in the mkt place or not, whatever station we are working in- seeking only to testify of the cross. For transformation preceeds multiplication. The inward must be changed first instead of changing what forms on the outside.)
But Paul takes a very different line in 1 Cor 1:26-31. Paul has been expounding his claim that 'the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God' (1:18). God, he says, destroys the wisdom of the world by revealing his power in soemthing that worldly wisdom does not recognise (1:19-22). It seems as if only powerful signs can impress Jews and as if only clever philosophical ideas can impress the Greeks...We must not think that doing miracles or expounding clever arguments will convert the world, because the power of God and the wisdom of God is found in the message of the cross (1:23-25). Our message must be, and can only be, Christ crucified...
Paul invites the Corinthaians to look at themselves. They do not represent the wise, influential and noble people of this world. There were some in Corinth, like this, but not many. The church was primarily made up of those who were on the fringe- those in soceity who did not have much to appeal to. God is choosing these kinds of people to be part of his demonstration of the wisdom of the cross. God chooses the foolish, weak and lowly to nullify human power and wisdom. He shames wisdom, power and status because we use these things to proclaim that we do not need God."
Tim Chester
Good News to the Poor
(XJ says: It is not our form that convinces people to christianity. Why not seek first of all a walk of obedience to the cross? Thereafter everything falls into place, whether in the form of being influential in the mkt place or not, whatever station we are working in- seeking only to testify of the cross. For transformation preceeds multiplication. The inward must be changed first instead of changing what forms on the outside.)
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
What is the greatest need we face today?
Still reading Tim Chester's book. And the organization of the book is pretty cool, it provides a case for social involvement, and a case for evangelizing the poor. Then he merges them together- i.e. how it can work out on a practical basis.
Here's the portion for the case for evangelizing the poor. I'm still reflecting about it...
"What is the greatest need of people in your area? Your answer might depend on where you live. Some of the needs we face in the area that my church serves are racism, poor mental halth and unemployment. In leafier suburbs, the problems may be less evident, but behind the curtains of the show homes are people facing loneliness, domestic violence, emptiness and household debt. In the shanty towns and slums of the Third World, the need for clean water, proper sanitation, housing, education, regular income, and basic health care. I remember asking the women of a slum in New Delhi about their hopes for the future. The thing they wanted most was electricity. They wanted to be able to run fans to make the heat of the slums more bearable. A few weeks later the temperature soared into the high forties and a number of people in the slum died of heat exhaustion.
A 2001 MORI poll asked people in the UK what they considered the main problems in their local area. Crime and transport were the biggest concerns that people had. Other concerns included limited facilities for the young people and children. Another MORI poll showed that crime was considered by people to be the main problem at a national level while the environment was cited as the main international problem.
Looking at the world around us, we might well agree. But the Bible opens our eyes to a much broader horizon. It reveals that people have a need much greater than any mentioned above and of which we are largely unaware- the need to be reconciled to God and so escape his wrath."
Here's the portion for the case for evangelizing the poor. I'm still reflecting about it...
"What is the greatest need of people in your area? Your answer might depend on where you live. Some of the needs we face in the area that my church serves are racism, poor mental halth and unemployment. In leafier suburbs, the problems may be less evident, but behind the curtains of the show homes are people facing loneliness, domestic violence, emptiness and household debt. In the shanty towns and slums of the Third World, the need for clean water, proper sanitation, housing, education, regular income, and basic health care. I remember asking the women of a slum in New Delhi about their hopes for the future. The thing they wanted most was electricity. They wanted to be able to run fans to make the heat of the slums more bearable. A few weeks later the temperature soared into the high forties and a number of people in the slum died of heat exhaustion.
A 2001 MORI poll asked people in the UK what they considered the main problems in their local area. Crime and transport were the biggest concerns that people had. Other concerns included limited facilities for the young people and children. Another MORI poll showed that crime was considered by people to be the main problem at a national level while the environment was cited as the main international problem.
Looking at the world around us, we might well agree. But the Bible opens our eyes to a much broader horizon. It reveals that people have a need much greater than any mentioned above and of which we are largely unaware- the need to be reconciled to God and so escape his wrath."
Monday, February 12, 2007
A visit to the prisons...
I went to the prison today at Tanjong Balai, which is a 2 hr ferry journey from Singapore. Hmm..don't exactly know how to begin this post as there are a lot of thoughts running through my mind.
It was very touching worshipping with the inmates. It spoke so much to me of God's love and compassion for the broken hearted and the sinful. But it spoke to me also, about how sinful I also was, even though technically I had not been sentenced to jail, yet equally having the capacity to sin, and so on equal footing with the inmates. I couldn't understand a word of the Hokkien and Bahasa Indonesian that was being spoken. But when it came to ministry, everyone responded, and we prayed for them. A lady broke down, kneeled and cried. There was another guy that I prayed for, and I saw how visibly touched he was by the Lord. He just kept weeping...and tear drops fell from his face to the floor.
Perhaps it took this, and also yesterday's sermon at church to remind me of God being covenant keeping and faithful. Pastor Edmund explained that Jonah story was actually about a compassionate God seeking those in Nineveh- not wanting any to perish- and also telling Jonah to see His heart...how His heart was compassionate for the sinful ones. And then Pastor Ed explained how Exodus was about the faithfulness of God in delivering His people. Finally, how Nehemiah was about the covenant keeping nature of God, i.e. fulfilling His covenant with Abraham.
I must say I have forgotten this aspect of God, or really do I know God? Doubting His faithfulness and compassion as I think about the lost souls (condemned eternally to hell?), the poor, the broken hearted, and how unfair this world was.
Thought about how limited the human capacity was to love others. And for myself, who I think has the gift of mercy, it is so easy to get disillusioned and bitter about the state of the world, if I base it on my own idealism. God revealed to me the true condition of my heart, is my heart increasingly hardened by the day with hopelessness and bleakness?
The number of people today who came for the gathering was about 20. We don't really need huge numbers to start with, because how precious each of these 20 must be to God. And that is where I shd start with all over again, just making a difference in lives one by one.
It is very easy for a compassionate/humanitarian ministry to be relying on one's own strength, because we could try and pour in more time, energy, money to feed the poor. Yet real transformation, I believe, comes when the Holy Spirit touches the hearts of the people and heal the broken hearts and bring salvation. And then how easy and light this burden becomes when we are servants of the Lord, following His leading.
Again perhaps another reminder on Sunday's sermon, that when God calls us to His work, He will equip and empower us for His work.
Dear God, I pray that You will empower me to do Your work, and that You will always keep my heart from bitterness. Let all that I do be empowered by You. Take away all human pride, all personal agenda. Let my thoughts and intentions be pure before You. Thank You Lord for touching the lives tonight. In Jesus Name I pray, amen.
It was very touching worshipping with the inmates. It spoke so much to me of God's love and compassion for the broken hearted and the sinful. But it spoke to me also, about how sinful I also was, even though technically I had not been sentenced to jail, yet equally having the capacity to sin, and so on equal footing with the inmates. I couldn't understand a word of the Hokkien and Bahasa Indonesian that was being spoken. But when it came to ministry, everyone responded, and we prayed for them. A lady broke down, kneeled and cried. There was another guy that I prayed for, and I saw how visibly touched he was by the Lord. He just kept weeping...and tear drops fell from his face to the floor.
Perhaps it took this, and also yesterday's sermon at church to remind me of God being covenant keeping and faithful. Pastor Edmund explained that Jonah story was actually about a compassionate God seeking those in Nineveh- not wanting any to perish- and also telling Jonah to see His heart...how His heart was compassionate for the sinful ones. And then Pastor Ed explained how Exodus was about the faithfulness of God in delivering His people. Finally, how Nehemiah was about the covenant keeping nature of God, i.e. fulfilling His covenant with Abraham.
I must say I have forgotten this aspect of God, or really do I know God? Doubting His faithfulness and compassion as I think about the lost souls (condemned eternally to hell?), the poor, the broken hearted, and how unfair this world was.
Thought about how limited the human capacity was to love others. And for myself, who I think has the gift of mercy, it is so easy to get disillusioned and bitter about the state of the world, if I base it on my own idealism. God revealed to me the true condition of my heart, is my heart increasingly hardened by the day with hopelessness and bleakness?
The number of people today who came for the gathering was about 20. We don't really need huge numbers to start with, because how precious each of these 20 must be to God. And that is where I shd start with all over again, just making a difference in lives one by one.
It is very easy for a compassionate/humanitarian ministry to be relying on one's own strength, because we could try and pour in more time, energy, money to feed the poor. Yet real transformation, I believe, comes when the Holy Spirit touches the hearts of the people and heal the broken hearts and bring salvation. And then how easy and light this burden becomes when we are servants of the Lord, following His leading.
Again perhaps another reminder on Sunday's sermon, that when God calls us to His work, He will equip and empower us for His work.
Dear God, I pray that You will empower me to do Your work, and that You will always keep my heart from bitterness. Let all that I do be empowered by You. Take away all human pride, all personal agenda. Let my thoughts and intentions be pure before You. Thank You Lord for touching the lives tonight. In Jesus Name I pray, amen.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
William Carrey
I'm reading Tim Chester's Good News to the Poor: Sharing the gospel through social involvement.
Wow, quite a good read, I've extracted something interesting about William Carey here. Truly he was a missionary, and much more in India.
"Two hundred years before, in 1793, William Carey arrived in India. Ruth and Vishal Mangalwadi begin their appreciation of Carey with a fictional quiz. They imagine a competition for Indian university students in which the question is asked: 'Who was William Carrey?' The first reply is that William Carey was a botanist who published the first books on the natural history of India, introduced new systems of gardening and after whom a variety of eucalyptus is named. Next an engineering student says William Carey introduced the steam engine to India and began the first indigenous paper and printing industries. Another student sees Carey as a social reformer who successfully campaigned for women's rights. Another as a campaigner for the humane treatment of lepers. An economics student points out that Carey introduced savings bank to combat usury. Carey is credited with starting the first newspaper in any oriental language. He conducted a systematic survey of Indian agricultural practices and founded the Indian Agri-Horticultural Society, thirty years before the Royal Agricultural Society was established in England. Carey was the first to translate and publish the religious classics of India and wrote the first Sanskirt dictionary for scholars. He founded dozen of schools, providing education for people of all cases, boys and girls. He pioneered lending libraries, wrote the first essays on forestry in India. To a significant degree he transformed the ethos of the British administration in India from colonial exploitation to a genuine sense of civil service.
And so it goes on with Carey's contribution to science, engineering, industry, economics, medicine, agriculture and forestry, literature, education, social reform, public administration and philosophy all being celebrated. Yet most of us know William Carey as the cobbler from Northamptonshire who became a pioneer missionary and evangelist. Who was the real William Carey? The answer is that Carey was all these things and more."
Wow, quite a good read, I've extracted something interesting about William Carey here. Truly he was a missionary, and much more in India.
"Two hundred years before, in 1793, William Carey arrived in India. Ruth and Vishal Mangalwadi begin their appreciation of Carey with a fictional quiz. They imagine a competition for Indian university students in which the question is asked: 'Who was William Carrey?' The first reply is that William Carey was a botanist who published the first books on the natural history of India, introduced new systems of gardening and after whom a variety of eucalyptus is named. Next an engineering student says William Carey introduced the steam engine to India and began the first indigenous paper and printing industries. Another student sees Carey as a social reformer who successfully campaigned for women's rights. Another as a campaigner for the humane treatment of lepers. An economics student points out that Carey introduced savings bank to combat usury. Carey is credited with starting the first newspaper in any oriental language. He conducted a systematic survey of Indian agricultural practices and founded the Indian Agri-Horticultural Society, thirty years before the Royal Agricultural Society was established in England. Carey was the first to translate and publish the religious classics of India and wrote the first Sanskirt dictionary for scholars. He founded dozen of schools, providing education for people of all cases, boys and girls. He pioneered lending libraries, wrote the first essays on forestry in India. To a significant degree he transformed the ethos of the British administration in India from colonial exploitation to a genuine sense of civil service.
And so it goes on with Carey's contribution to science, engineering, industry, economics, medicine, agriculture and forestry, literature, education, social reform, public administration and philosophy all being celebrated. Yet most of us know William Carey as the cobbler from Northamptonshire who became a pioneer missionary and evangelist. Who was the real William Carey? The answer is that Carey was all these things and more."
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Its one of those days...
Was feeling so burdened and sad about the lost, poor and our apathy, and wrote an email to 2 leaders in CEFC. And yesterday night was writing a card to someone who I knew understood, couldn't help but end up in tears. And went to pray to God, crying, about the lostness of men, about how helpless I felt.
This morning, I was very touched during worship, and couldn't help tearing again while we sang about the river of God.
And the message was so good, it spoke to me.
Pastor Ed emphasized that the great commission was about disciple-making to the "nations". So why are we all in Singapore?- He asked. The only reason I am in Singapore, he said, was because God had called me to Singapore. He was at the jungles and rural area before and had told God he would have been happy to stay there all his life.
There I saw the heart of this man of God.
He talked about how transformation preceeds multiplication.
True indeed.
And the final portion on the Holy Spirit. Just been feeling so discouraged because of how loosely He is being used. But Pastor Ed brought it all back into perspective. We need the empowering of the Holy Spirit, we need to be filled by Him in order to fulfil the great commission.
How do we get filled- by desperation and yielding. How true.
Kept crying again during worship. From the depths of my heart cried out to God. For myself, for the suffering, for the lost, for how helpless I felt. Scenes in China at the mission trip- faces of those chinese youths so vivid. Scenes in CHC...tear stained faced, and hands lifted up to God- crying, use me God. Those moments of prayer in the past, of yielding...of desiring to use my life to serve Him.
Perhaps its time for me to start serving once again. By the empowering of the Spirit.
This morning, I was very touched during worship, and couldn't help tearing again while we sang about the river of God.
And the message was so good, it spoke to me.
Pastor Ed emphasized that the great commission was about disciple-making to the "nations". So why are we all in Singapore?- He asked. The only reason I am in Singapore, he said, was because God had called me to Singapore. He was at the jungles and rural area before and had told God he would have been happy to stay there all his life.
There I saw the heart of this man of God.
He talked about how transformation preceeds multiplication.
True indeed.
And the final portion on the Holy Spirit. Just been feeling so discouraged because of how loosely He is being used. But Pastor Ed brought it all back into perspective. We need the empowering of the Holy Spirit, we need to be filled by Him in order to fulfil the great commission.
How do we get filled- by desperation and yielding. How true.
Kept crying again during worship. From the depths of my heart cried out to God. For myself, for the suffering, for the lost, for how helpless I felt. Scenes in China at the mission trip- faces of those chinese youths so vivid. Scenes in CHC...tear stained faced, and hands lifted up to God- crying, use me God. Those moments of prayer in the past, of yielding...of desiring to use my life to serve Him.
Perhaps its time for me to start serving once again. By the empowering of the Spirit.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Discovering where hope begins in a village in Mozambique
Check out this article.
So encouraging.
Surprised by Friendship
Cassandra Zinchini
"I was moving to Africa for selfish and unselfish reasons. Selfishly, I hoped Africa would save me from a life of numbness, a life of seeking mere satisfaction—more money, more recognition, more whatever. I hoped to find it true that less is more.
Unselfishly, I wanted to help the one-sixth of humanity living without basic food, water, and shelter. My heart was touched from continents away...
But here in a place where the people I grew to love did not have enough food, my own needs faded like the imprint of waves on the sand, quickly receding into the bright sea. The Africans were not happy in their poverty. At the same time, it was obvious to me that material goods were not the only answer, because neither had I been happy in my Western materialistic life.But here in a place where the people I grew to love did not have enough food, my own needs faded like the imprint of waves on the sand, quickly receding into the bright sea. The Africans were not happy in their poverty. At the same time, it was obvious to me that material goods were not the only answer, because neither had I been happy in my Western materialistic life...
In the Jesus film, Jesus multiplied bread so the hungry had more than enough, and he watched with pleasure as his disciples pulled in a large catch of fish from the sea. The ones surrounding me—the poor, the hungry, the sick—understand and believe Jesus' message. They are eager to receive friendship. Here the gospel is applicable, and it really is Good News: bread for the hungry, healing for the sick, love for the unlovely."
So encouraging.
Surprised by Friendship
Cassandra Zinchini
"I was moving to Africa for selfish and unselfish reasons. Selfishly, I hoped Africa would save me from a life of numbness, a life of seeking mere satisfaction—more money, more recognition, more whatever. I hoped to find it true that less is more.
Unselfishly, I wanted to help the one-sixth of humanity living without basic food, water, and shelter. My heart was touched from continents away...
But here in a place where the people I grew to love did not have enough food, my own needs faded like the imprint of waves on the sand, quickly receding into the bright sea. The Africans were not happy in their poverty. At the same time, it was obvious to me that material goods were not the only answer, because neither had I been happy in my Western materialistic life.But here in a place where the people I grew to love did not have enough food, my own needs faded like the imprint of waves on the sand, quickly receding into the bright sea. The Africans were not happy in their poverty. At the same time, it was obvious to me that material goods were not the only answer, because neither had I been happy in my Western materialistic life...
In the Jesus film, Jesus multiplied bread so the hungry had more than enough, and he watched with pleasure as his disciples pulled in a large catch of fish from the sea. The ones surrounding me—the poor, the hungry, the sick—understand and believe Jesus' message. They are eager to receive friendship. Here the gospel is applicable, and it really is Good News: bread for the hungry, healing for the sick, love for the unlovely."
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Mere Christianity
I've just finished reading C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity! It is such a good book, one of the best I've read so far. The thing about this book is how much it challenges the mind to believe in God.
Not sure if it is just the influence of this book, but perhaps also because of other materials I've been reading, I think that the salvation experience is very sacred. It is not immediate, but God is working within the lives of every individual. Hence the act of bringing an individual to church is not the matter that deserves rejoicing - though it can be the start of the journey, but rather we pray that God will work deeply within the life of that individual. I think God touches us in different ways, apart from visits to church, but He can speak to us through events, situations and people, soften our hearts to hear Him.
I liked this paragraph written by C.S. Lewis. I think it makes a lot of sense. And perhaps...closer to my idea of what God is doing within our lives.
"In the first place the situation in the actual world is much more complicated than that. The world does not consist of 100 per cent Christians and 100 per cent non-Christians. There are people (a great many of them) who are slowly ceasing to be Christians but who still call themselves by that name: some of them are clergymen. There are other people who are slowly becoming Christians though they do not yet call themselves so. There are people who do not accept the full Christian doctrine about Christ but who are so strongly attracted by Him that they are His in a much deeper sense than they themselves understand. There are people in other religions who are being led by God's secret influence to concentrate on those parts of their religion which are in agreement with Christianity, and who thus belong to Christ without knowing it. For example, a Buddhist of good will may be led to concentrate more and more on the Buddhist teaching about mercy and to leave in the background (though he might still say he believed) the Buddhist teaching on certain points. Many of the good Pagans long before Christ's birth may have been in this position. And always, of course, there are a great many people who are just confused in mind and have a lot of inconsistent beliefs all jumbled up together. Consequently, it is not much use trying to make judgements about Christians and non- Christians in the mass."
Not sure if it is just the influence of this book, but perhaps also because of other materials I've been reading, I think that the salvation experience is very sacred. It is not immediate, but God is working within the lives of every individual. Hence the act of bringing an individual to church is not the matter that deserves rejoicing - though it can be the start of the journey, but rather we pray that God will work deeply within the life of that individual. I think God touches us in different ways, apart from visits to church, but He can speak to us through events, situations and people, soften our hearts to hear Him.
I liked this paragraph written by C.S. Lewis. I think it makes a lot of sense. And perhaps...closer to my idea of what God is doing within our lives.
"In the first place the situation in the actual world is much more complicated than that. The world does not consist of 100 per cent Christians and 100 per cent non-Christians. There are people (a great many of them) who are slowly ceasing to be Christians but who still call themselves by that name: some of them are clergymen. There are other people who are slowly becoming Christians though they do not yet call themselves so. There are people who do not accept the full Christian doctrine about Christ but who are so strongly attracted by Him that they are His in a much deeper sense than they themselves understand. There are people in other religions who are being led by God's secret influence to concentrate on those parts of their religion which are in agreement with Christianity, and who thus belong to Christ without knowing it. For example, a Buddhist of good will may be led to concentrate more and more on the Buddhist teaching about mercy and to leave in the background (though he might still say he believed) the Buddhist teaching on certain points. Many of the good Pagans long before Christ's birth may have been in this position. And always, of course, there are a great many people who are just confused in mind and have a lot of inconsistent beliefs all jumbled up together. Consequently, it is not much use trying to make judgements about Christians and non- Christians in the mass."
Evangelism
Mere Mission
N.T. Wright
For generations the church has been polarized between those who see the main task being the saving of souls for heaven and the nurturing of those souls through the valley of this dark world, on the one hand, and on the other hand those who see the task of improving the lot of human beings and the world, rescuing the poor from their misery.
The longer that I've gone on as a New Testament scholar and wrestled with what the early Christians were actually talking about, the more it's been borne in on me that that distinction is one that we modern Westerners bring to the text rather than finding in the text. Because the great emphasis in the New Testament is that the gospel is not how to escape the world; the gospel is that the crucified and risen Jesus is the Lord of the world. And that his death and Resurrection transform the world, and that transformation can happen to you. You, in turn, can be part of the transforming work. That draws together what we traditionally called evangelism, bringing people to the point where they come to know God in Christ for themselves, with working for God's kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. That has always been at the heart of the Lord's Prayer, and how we've managed for years to say the Lord's Prayer without realizing that Jesus really meant it is very curious. Our Western culture since the 18th century has made a virtue of separating out religion from real life, or faith from politics.When I lecture about this, people will pop up and say, "Surely Jesus said my kingdom is not of this world." And the answer is no, what Jesus said in John 18 is, "My kingdom is not from this world." That's ek tou kosmoutoutou. It's quite clear in the text that Jesus' kingdom doesn't start with this world. It isn't a worldly kingdom, but it is for this world. It's from somewhere else, but it's for this world.
The key to mission is always worship. You can only be reflecting the love of God into the world if you are worshiping the true God who creates the world out of overflowing self-giving love. The more you look at that God and celebrate that love, the more you have to be reflecting that overflowing self-giving love into the world.
N.T. Wright
For generations the church has been polarized between those who see the main task being the saving of souls for heaven and the nurturing of those souls through the valley of this dark world, on the one hand, and on the other hand those who see the task of improving the lot of human beings and the world, rescuing the poor from their misery.
The longer that I've gone on as a New Testament scholar and wrestled with what the early Christians were actually talking about, the more it's been borne in on me that that distinction is one that we modern Westerners bring to the text rather than finding in the text. Because the great emphasis in the New Testament is that the gospel is not how to escape the world; the gospel is that the crucified and risen Jesus is the Lord of the world. And that his death and Resurrection transform the world, and that transformation can happen to you. You, in turn, can be part of the transforming work. That draws together what we traditionally called evangelism, bringing people to the point where they come to know God in Christ for themselves, with working for God's kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. That has always been at the heart of the Lord's Prayer, and how we've managed for years to say the Lord's Prayer without realizing that Jesus really meant it is very curious. Our Western culture since the 18th century has made a virtue of separating out religion from real life, or faith from politics.When I lecture about this, people will pop up and say, "Surely Jesus said my kingdom is not of this world." And the answer is no, what Jesus said in John 18 is, "My kingdom is not from this world." That's ek tou kosmoutoutou. It's quite clear in the text that Jesus' kingdom doesn't start with this world. It isn't a worldly kingdom, but it is for this world. It's from somewhere else, but it's for this world.
The key to mission is always worship. You can only be reflecting the love of God into the world if you are worshiping the true God who creates the world out of overflowing self-giving love. The more you look at that God and celebrate that love, the more you have to be reflecting that overflowing self-giving love into the world.
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