I went to the prison today at Tanjong Balai, which is a 2 hr ferry journey from Singapore. Hmm..don't exactly know how to begin this post as there are a lot of thoughts running through my mind.
It was very touching worshipping with the inmates. It spoke so much to me of God's love and compassion for the broken hearted and the sinful. But it spoke to me also, about how sinful I also was, even though technically I had not been sentenced to jail, yet equally having the capacity to sin, and so on equal footing with the inmates. I couldn't understand a word of the Hokkien and Bahasa Indonesian that was being spoken. But when it came to ministry, everyone responded, and we prayed for them. A lady broke down, kneeled and cried. There was another guy that I prayed for, and I saw how visibly touched he was by the Lord. He just kept weeping...and tear drops fell from his face to the floor.
Perhaps it took this, and also yesterday's sermon at church to remind me of God being covenant keeping and faithful. Pastor Edmund explained that Jonah story was actually about a compassionate God seeking those in Nineveh- not wanting any to perish- and also telling Jonah to see His heart...how His heart was compassionate for the sinful ones. And then Pastor Ed explained how Exodus was about the faithfulness of God in delivering His people. Finally, how Nehemiah was about the covenant keeping nature of God, i.e. fulfilling His covenant with Abraham.
I must say I have forgotten this aspect of God, or really do I know God? Doubting His faithfulness and compassion as I think about the lost souls (condemned eternally to hell?), the poor, the broken hearted, and how unfair this world was.
Thought about how limited the human capacity was to love others. And for myself, who I think has the gift of mercy, it is so easy to get disillusioned and bitter about the state of the world, if I base it on my own idealism. God revealed to me the true condition of my heart, is my heart increasingly hardened by the day with hopelessness and bleakness?
The number of people today who came for the gathering was about 20. We don't really need huge numbers to start with, because how precious each of these 20 must be to God. And that is where I shd start with all over again, just making a difference in lives one by one.
It is very easy for a compassionate/humanitarian ministry to be relying on one's own strength, because we could try and pour in more time, energy, money to feed the poor. Yet real transformation, I believe, comes when the Holy Spirit touches the hearts of the people and heal the broken hearts and bring salvation. And then how easy and light this burden becomes when we are servants of the Lord, following His leading.
Again perhaps another reminder on Sunday's sermon, that when God calls us to His work, He will equip and empower us for His work.
Dear God, I pray that You will empower me to do Your work, and that You will always keep my heart from bitterness. Let all that I do be empowered by You. Take away all human pride, all personal agenda. Let my thoughts and intentions be pure before You. Thank You Lord for touching the lives tonight. In Jesus Name I pray, amen.
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