Grace found me @ Penang

The one week in Penang has given my Christian life a totally new paradigm shift and breakthough in terms of my view of God.
Even though I know that God is kind and loving, I could never really receive it in my heart, and often felt bad when I did something wrong, or felt not good enough for Him.
The journey began when I signed up for the 2 day workshop in Singapore by Father Heart Ministries Asia. I was blessed as the speaker shared from the parables of the Prodigal son, as well as of the unforgiving Servant.

These are the two truths that were spoken:

1. The Father was waiting for the return of his son, even though the son had wanted his inheritance earlier, i.e. implication was telling his father that he wants him to die, and then went on a lifestyle of decadent living. He ended up having to work with pigs (which is unclean to the jews), and probably smelt of pigs when he came back. But the Father ran towards him and embraced him, and kissed him, and clothed him with a robe. How extravagant the Father's love is. This is Homecoming.

2. The master forgave the servant of a debt of 10,000 talents, which is equivalent to 60 million days of wages. A debt that could never have been repaid by the servant was forgiven! In the same way, Father God wipes out all our debts /sins before Him. We could never ever work our way through to our own salvation.

John 14 is pivoltal in my understanding of the Father. In it, Jesus says "I will not leave you as orphans", and He has prepared a room with many mansions, and He says, "Where I am, there you may be also". He uses "I am", which is present tensed, representing His current state of rest, that He is already now, at home and at rest with His Father, resting in His arms. John 1:18 says that Jesus is at the Father's side, or bosom (depending on your version), and this is the place that Father wants to bring us to.

And so the Father lovingly pursues us. And when the Fatherly Facilitator J invited me to go to Penang, I felt that it was a personal invitation from God. :D

We often pray and invite God to come into our meetings, the truth is, He is already present. It is just that our hearts do not have the capacity to receive Him.

Redemption, means that there was a previous ownership. We were created by God, even before we existed in our mother's wombs, God had us in mind. In His mind, we would be in that perfect place of Eden with no sorrows, or iniquities. God personally breathed His breathe into Adam. It is that level of initmacy that He desires for us. To know Him as our Creator. In us, is His very own breathe.

Did you know about the Mother Heart of God? God has feminine qualities in Him. Verses of how as a hen gather her chicks, as a mother would not forget her nursing child etc. That tenderness of God. It is in our mother's arms whereby we feel safe, where we feel trust.

I had to release forgiveness, and I wept all the pain and sorrow that was so deep. All the lies I bought into for all the years of my existance that I was not good enough. As I cried in the embrace of the ministers, I felt the Love of God in a most tangible way, through the love that these ones expressed. And yes, the words of truth & knowledge that were spoken went straight to the heart.

In one particular session, I just could not engage, but the lady who prayed for me said that this was a safe place, and I am not abandoned. The moment she said that, the floodgates opened. I cried all my fears of being myself, of feeling abandoned by God and by others. And I received that truth into my heart, that I was at a safe place of rest. Safe to be myself. I'm home, Daddy.

I saw visions. Of myself in a green grass field, worshipping God. It was that abundant freedom and joy in the green fields. Where I was with God. Me and God. Singing. We were created for freedom, and that freedom on the inside of my heart gushed out in Joy. :) On the last day I was scared that I would go back to my state of despair in Singapore. But He said that He had already burned His truth in my heart, and I know it. I felt waves and waves of His love flowing in me.

I'm greatly indebted to Uncle J and Aunty V who we stayed with, together with M and S. It was like a family. And on one divine night, Uncle Julian shared abt his experiences as a young adult, and I had a moment with him to share what I had been struggling with for long. And he prayed for me, did not judge me, but prayed for restoration. It amazes me how much God loves me to want me to be free from every area of struggle.

And yes the hugs made all the difference, I felt God's affection and love flowing through me, in particular the hug I received on the last day. The person praying for me told me that God was just pouring out His affection on me.

Beautiful, has been corrupted by the enemy, as we think beauty is of a certain image. But if you look into the eyes of each person, you see beauty. You see the fingerprint of God, and how can anything created in God's image not be beautiful?

I am immensely thankful. :)

Rest in the Father's Love. <3 The Father is ever pursuing us. And He would not leave as as orphans. So open up your heart to receive His love!

Grace

Fresh from Penang:
Maybe for the first time, i understood grace and mercy as i waved goodbye to Uncle Julian and Aunty Vim. We were not related, we just got to know each other. But yet we received such love and care from them. The hugs we received first thing in the morning, and the last thing at night before we slept. It was like grace was present in the flesh. Something we did not earn or deserve, but we received in abundance. And mercy, yes all those times we should have received a harsh word for our mistakes, but we did not receive. It was true grace and mercy. I teared as i thought of the extravagent love of the Father. I didn't find Him. He found me and was ever seeking me out. It was only that my heart did not have the capacity then to receive it. But now it knows, and it opens wide to receive waves and waves of His goodness and love. I feel like a girl giddily in love with a boy who pursued her extravagently. I feel like a silly girl running into papa's arms to rest. Was this not afterall, all that i was seeking all along?
Yes this is a safe place to rest. And Jesus has prepared many mansions in His house. Home is a safe place where we can be ourselves, be crazy, be silly, afford to fail and know that we would still be loved.

Beautiful Rag Doll

I went for a seminar last week on the Father's Heart, and I was very blessed as it was an intimate time with God, and also very ministering, as many of my childhood hurts were surfaced. In particular, Zeph 3:17 was quoted to me 3 times. I felt very affirmed.

"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing"

I think it is a whole process of healing, and right after the seminar, more issues seemed to surface through different circumstances. I'm thankful though, that His love is my anchor.

The speaker spoke of the Father who was waiting for his son to come home, and hugged him and kissed him even though the son had earlier wished he was dead so he cld get his inheritance, and furthermore he was smelly cos he hung out with pigs. And another parable abt how the master forgave the servant who owed him 10,000 talents, equivalent to 60 million days of wages, which could never ever be repaid.

A fatherly facilitator came to talk to me, and I seemed to have found special favour in his eyes. :D He invited me for the Father's heart A school conference at Penang next week and offered to let me stay in the apartment with him and his wife. And today I just bought my airtickets! Im flying on the 6th and back on 13th June. Its seriously a time out with God. I am really looking forward to find Him.

God, help me....
Leaning on the Father's embrace.