Sacred vs Secular

I went for dinner with 2 grps of people last night. First with my ex colleagues, then next I joined my church mates. This grp of colleagues are the ones I went Philippines to build houses with, and I enjoy their company. One of the guys is getting married, so this was kind of a "celebration" dinner for him. At the end of the meal, they wanted to split the bill equally, but I protested because I had not ordered the set meal, and my meal was one of the cheapest, so its easily 7-8 dollars cheaper than the average cost. I felt weird though, when I protested! Felt like I was being miserly. But yet, I know I gotto be wise in my spending of money. And yup, so it was poignant moment, and it remained in my mind.

Met my church mates and we had rocher beancurd. Its one of those wonderful cheap chillout places with soya bean at 70 cents a cup. i wonder if I am getting overly worked up over money and trying to keep my budget low! But I think about the future and buying house and getting married (hopefully), and having money to build orphanages or social enterprises and all. And I don't wanna spend so much! After the meal it was like 1120pm, and everyone took cabs home except me. I walked 15 minutes myself to Bugis MRT and took the train home.

It was poignant. I wouldn't say I felt miserable. But I did feel alone walking down the dimly lit streets. And felt like making a phone call to my helpline, but refrained so that I could process my thoughts with God.

And so, people have been asking how's my new job, and I describe my flying ard, so far to Cambodia and Indonesia. ;p and some say wah, yr job sounds fun, and its great that u can travel. It really is, stepping back and viewing my life as if I am a third person. Its someone I always wanted to be, giving of my life to passionate causes. And yes, being somewhat freed up from the rat race. I remember again and again the miracle of my parents blessings for my job. Seeing the happy face of Dian in Indonesia as she cried happy tears made my heart lept with joy and I teared. This is the reason why I am in this job. Really tho, the daily practical outworkings of this job is far from "glam". There is a price to pay for this. And it works out in various practical decisions that I make. Sometimes it is incredibly lonely, a road that few can understand.

I don't mean that I am above others in anyway. In fact, I was reading this book The Pursuit of God by AZ Tozer. He talks in the last chapt about there being no need for a dichotomy betw the sacred and the secular. I quote

"The 'layman' need never think of his humbler task as being inferior to that of his minister. Let every man abide in the calling wherein he is called and his work will be as sacred as the work of the ministry. It is not what a man does that determines whether his work is sacred or secular, it is why he does it. The motive is everything. Let that man sanctify the Lord God in his heart and he can thereafter do no common act. All he does is good and acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. For such a man, living itself will be sacramental and the whole world a santuary. His entre life will be a priestly ministration. As he performs his never-so-simple task, he will hear the voice of the seraphim saying, 'Holy, Holy, Holy; is the Lord of hosts: the whole earth is full of His glory."

I dearly hope my motive is right before God, and everything I do may be Holy and pleasing to Him. I've been thinking abt this secular vs sacred thing for some time. It was a major struggle for me in my previous wkplace to keep my work sacred as I felt so constrained on the inside. So it was difficult to give praise for a job I didn't really enjoy. But yup, I think I did my best as a worship unto Him. Ofcos there is this ques tho, how can photocopying documents for example, be as sacred as going to the missions field and praying for a kid? I don't have ans yet, but the underlying being the importance of motive.

Actually it is a privilege to be working in a church or a christian organization, because one who works there gets to see the outworkings of God's love and glory in more tangible forms. I mean like I get to go to Indonesia and see people worshipping God in a different tongue, and I wonder, I am actually getting paid to do this? Like being paid to serve God and to be encouraged by His people and to do ministry, which is a daily thing I wanna do. Its really like the blessedness of having little, so I say sometimes, it is such a blessing to be called to go into such jobs.

Alrighty, this is a whole bunch of thoughts I have....which I've not totally processed through. :) As you can tell. I'm grateful if u finished reading!

A beautiful tapestry

A bit surprised by my rollar coaster of emotions. One moment being v joyful and secure, and the next being worried and fearful. The devil attacks my mind, and gotto pray and pray and pray. Even when the emotional state feels down, to have faith that I am victorious in Christ! Reading abt some of the struggles my brothers and sisters go thru helps to encourage me, knowing that I am not alone, that as a christian, God didn't promise that there will be no dark days, but He promises His presence throughout the dark days. There's really not one particular situation that I can pinpoint in which I know is the source of distress. But more so this sense of uncertainty and feelings of doubt that cloud my mind- i.e. God, did u say that or not? Did u promise that? How come its like that if You have promised that? And then to be secure and to reject those feelings. To stand secure in His promises in spite of how I am feeling. :P

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I need to learn to handle uncertainty. Correction: I need to surrender to God all uncertainty, cos I can't handle them. At work- I can be writing proposals and descriptions of projects, but I don't see the outcomes. Sometimes there are bottle necks & miscommunications. It makes me frustrated. My idealistic and perfectionist nature says, we should complete this in this manner- efficiency being the key! If only so and so will do this and that, then all problems solved and we can move ahead! Oh, I don't like to wait at all! I rather roll up my sleeves and work and affect outcomes. Just let me be able to do something about it!

Waiting is a painful, but is crucial. It seems like we are doing nothing, but yet there is a lot going on. God moulding our hearts to learn patience, to learn to trust in His plans as they unfold into a beautiful tapestry. :P Men and women in the bible waited on God, and through that process were moulded. E.g. David running away from Saul and waiting to be king; Joseph a slave to Egypt and thrown to jail before his vision came to pass..etc etc. And I thought I had already learnt much about waiting & surrendering (e.g. waiting a year before I switched to social sector, surrendering relationships & ministries). It reminds me of Pastor Ed's sermon on Effficacy- which is to do the right thing at the right time with the right motivations resulting in the right outcome. It may not be the most efficient method as the world sees it. But yet with trust and obedience in God, truly in time to come, we will see how beautiful everything turns out in His time. :) Just when I thought I got nothing more to surrender!

I need to overcome this spirit of "poverty". The feelings that God will shortchange me for the surrender. That ultimately what is good will be taken from me. This is not God. God is loving, and He is the giver of all good things. The God who created all things and who did not spare His only son, how would He not freely give us all things?

Amen to all above. Now...I must go back and type more proposals.....