Freedom & Detachment

This is from MrForest's blog, which he has kindly allowed me to publish on my blog.
I find it very encouraging to know someone else is on this route as well. ;)


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FREEDOM & DETACHMENT
I've been attending service at this church near the Stanford campus for the past month and have decided to settle down in there. The preaching is good, the music is fantasic, the people are nice, the distance is perfect. One of the main reasons why I have decided to settle there without even visiting any other church is because I was already too sick of visiting churches. For more than 2 years, I was 'gallivanting' along the 'corridors' of the church, experiencing a load of different emotions -- from anger, disappointment, nausea, helplessness, to freedom. Organized religion can be problematic at times. Oftentimes, I have to separate God from the church because humans can make the church experience very unbearable.

I was reading Time magazine (thanks and courtesy of batthwee!) and the excerpt of Barack Obama's book caught my attention. Although he wrote about something that resonated within me, I was rather reluctant to agree.

"[M]y mother viewed religion through the eyes of the anthropologist that she would become; it was a phenomenon to be treated with a suitable respect, but with a suitable detachment as well... [a]nd yet for all her professed secularism, my mother was in many ways the most spiritually awakened person that I've ever known. She had an unswerving instinct for kindness, charity, sometimes to her detriment. Without the help of religious texts or outside authorities, she worked mightily to instill in me the values that many Americans learn in Sunday school: honesty, empathy, discipline, delayed gratification, and hard work. She raged at poverty and injustice...The Christians with whom I worked recognized themselves in me; they saw that I knew their Book and shared their values and sang their songs. But they sensed a part of me remained removed, detached, an observer among them. I came to realize that without an unequivocal commitment to a particular community of faith, I would be consigned at some level to always remain apart, free in the way my mother was free, but also alone in the same ways she was ultimately alone."

I wanted to illustrate a few points from that excerpt. First, I experienced the same freedom Obama and his mum had. It was something that I have grown to cherish. I no longer have to deal with the dissonance I felt when what I witnessed or heard deviates from what I thought was proper. This is ultimately my relationship with God. I am absolutely clear what my faith is made of, who my God is, and what I stand for. I also do not have the need to provide a response to unenlightened individuals (who can say the meanest things). Godly behavior is independent of involvement with the Christian community. Second, this freedom has a tradeoff -- detachment. The researcher in me makes the switch to the "observer" role almost seamless. As admitted earlier, I was reluctant to agree even though Obama's words resonated, because I have to give up that freedom. This detachment can sometimes really boggle the mind and challenge our taken-for-granted notions of what Christianity stands for, and what being a Christian really means.

As I reflect, I found a different form of freedom. The 2 years of wandering (and wondering) have been the most fruitful years in my Christian walk. Perhaps 'fruitful' may not be the best word to use because I bore no fruit, 'rooted' may be a better word I guess, because my roots deepened. This new freedom comes from the assurance that God alone is my judge. Unenlightened individuals can say whatever they want to say, ultimately, it is still my personal relationship with God and only He and I will know. This new freedom also derives from the fact that I care a lot less about what others think (not in the negative sense) and the new security i found in who I am and who He is. I really know what I am doing. I will serve His people with a new freedom.

As I go back into the community of believers, I am keeping that new freedom and detachment.

The Lord gave and took...

I think what makes Job stand out in the bible is one of these phrases that he said:

Job 1:21
And he said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.

It inspired (I think) this song, which we sang during service last week. And it stayed in my mind, cos the first time we sang, I was in tears.

Blessed Be Your Name
by Matt Redman
- - -
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

I think basically what Job is saying is that- these riches that I have, are from God anyway, and I came in naked on this earth, and there is nothing that I can retain. In my bible, there is a reference to another verse wrt "The Lord gave"- it is in Eccl 5:19
As for every man to whom God has given riches and wealth, and given him power to eat of it, to receive his heritage and rejoice in his labor--this is the gift of God.

Wow! I know that I am living in this upper middle classy life (hmm? Am I?) in Singapore because I know that it is God who has given it to me.

At the same time, couldn't help remembering another verse that says that God causes the rain to fall on both the righteous and the unrighteous. Sometimes we wonder why some people are unrighteously rich? Why, we really will never know.

Basically what I am trying to say is that, be thankful when the Lord blesses u. Yet at the same time, this needs to be balanced with the heart for others, as well as to remember that the possessions that we have should not be held in such high esteem. Learn to be like Job, to praise God inspite of all. To be like Paul- to abase and abound. Power is in the hands of those whom God has blessed with plenty to learn to share, and redirect wealth.

A nice comment by someone, he says we shd give thanks IN all things. And as that thought seeped in- yes, we should be thankful to God whether we are rich or poor. We are not thankful FOR the wealth, but rather being thankful IN the wealth.

In all circumstances yes, blessing God, and praising Him.

Grappling with God

"Like Abraham, I approach God at first in fear and trembling, only to learn that God wants me to stop groveling and start arguing. I dare not meekly accept the state of the world, with all its injustice and unfairness. I must call God to account for God's own promises, God's own character."

Philip Yancey, Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference

Seeing a bigger picture

Today a director from a local bank came to share during CF. He shared his testimony on his encounters and experiences with the Holy Spirit. He was from a methodist background, and was a very lukewarm christian. But his spiritual life took a turn when he went to Canada. God spoke to him while he was driving in his car and reminded him abt the importance of His word. He also shared of his baptism in the Holy Spirit, how someone told him that there was such a thing. The heat he felt when someone laid hands on his chest and how he felt God just wrapping His arms around him when he got slain.

All the things he shared was so familiar to me, for I have encountered such experiences with the Holy Spirit as well! Laying hands on people and seeing them fall under the power, at the mission trip in china- feeling my hand tremble with electricity vibes running through, prayed for deliverance with girl manifesting even before I laid hands, cg member sharing that she felt heat all over her and light when I prayed for her, moments where I felt His anointing and it was just me and Him alone.

Haha...yeah...God is so real in such supernatural encounters, and my faith is encouraged during those moments, and u just feel as if that it is not you, but it is Him doing the work through you.

I remember that when I first took part of Roy's cg, and saw him laying hands and people getting slain, I was all awed. Heh. I wanted "that" too. The "power" from God to do supernatural things. Yet when I tried and prayed for people, it was as if it was in vain. Nobody moved. I ended up with lengthy prayers, and sometimes gave a word to people that were not really sharp...I wasn't sure abt what to share when I prayed for them too. But I wanted "that" and I asked God....

It was during Benny Hinn's meetings I think when I saw the way he ministered and I understood the importance of waiting. Waiting on the Holy Spirit to come. Inviting Him and making Him feel welcome in the place. And this yearning for Him. A trusting in Him also that it is He who works in and touches people's lives. And so during cg session we just sang worship songs during ministry, very simple songs, and we just sang softly and we waited for His presence. I didn't say much, didn't have to. And it was so glorious, just feeling His anointing fill the place. It is wonderful wonderful. And laying of hands was just a matter of being a steward. Having the trust that it is He who works through me.

Going to China in April this year, during one of the worship sessions that Grace led, everyone just broke down into tears. It was the Holy Spirit touching many hearts, melting many hearts, speaking to people in areas that are so deep that nobody knew. And it was so sharp that when He spoke, people cried. Me too. I remember He spoke to me abt Hebrews, coming boldly into His presence. And then the next days when we had ministry...really all ready to go. Laying of hands and people just fall one by one....and then had inner healing as well. :)

I love the presence of God, and I love to minister the presence of God. I wished somehow that Covenant had more ministry sessions after services. Or that the worship style could be more charismatic.

And yes, I think that for me, I am so deeply convicted that God is real because of these experiences.

However I also remembered some times when I squirmed in the seat of the church because the interpretation of the word was just not contextualised. Today's lunch time sharing as well, I feel that it was not a very accurate interpretation of the Word. It is quite typical of charismatics to have "revelational" truths from reading the Word, and hence sometimes interpretations that are not exactly true to the Word. And how I wish that we can have both! A balanced Word and also a move in the Holy Spirit.

The wonderful amazing thing is how God uses us in our imperfect ways. Given that it is so impt for the Holy Spirit to move and hence we can't quench that...it is the arm that gives power.

Anyway was really good talking to this colleague who was from Church of our Saviour and then went to ARPC after a long long transition journey. And tho ARPC doesn't talk much abt the gifts of the Holy Spirit, these are things he believed in. Yet, he can stay in ARPC and accept these things cos these are not core to him. And one statement he made- if you agree with the church all the time, u don't have yr own relationship with God, cos having yr own r/s means that u seek out and go back and see if what is spoken is true.

And this is so true, there is no perfect church, no perfect humans. Only fallen creatures like us.

If the director was God-sent to speak to traditional christians w/o fresh revelations of who the Holy Spirit was, then I pray that for me- He will use the experience I have and help me speak truth into overly zealous and one sided charismatics.

Will we enjoy heaven?

"We might think that the 'virtues' were necessary only for this present life- that in the other world we could stop being brave because there is no danger. Now it is quite true that there will probably be no occasion for just or courageous acts in the next world, but there will be every occasion for being the sort of people that we can become only as the result of doing such acts here. The point is not that God will refuse you admission to His eternal world if you have not got certain qualities of character: the point is that if people have not got at least the beginnings of those qualities inside them, then no possible external conditions could make a 'Heaven' for them- that is, could make them happy with the deep, strong, unshakable kind of happiness God intends for us."

CS Lewis
Mere Christianity

Have u ever pondered what heaven will be like? I have...
I think it was Brian McClaren who suggested that afterlife it may be the same place- but to the sinner walking in darkness, he wouldn't like the brightness in heaven- and hence heaven is like hell to him.

What abt those people who said the sinners prayer 1 min before they passed away, what will heaven be like for them?

Randy Alcorn suggests that we shd invest our treasures in heaven. When we get to heaven, different people will receive different kind of rewards/crowns. This sounds strange to me though. Cos heaven doesn't seem like a place with distinctions to me. Imagine someone who has been a spendthrift on earth, and ends up in a atap house in heaven, while someone else stays in his magnificent 3 storey mansion. That'll be strange wouldn't it? Hence I couldn't really agree with it. Then how does God differentiate people and is there differentiation? Really don't know!

Just some preliminary thoughts...

God's absolute goodness and the fix we are in

"And it is no use saying either that if there is a God of that sort- an impersonal absolute goodness- then you do not like Him and are not going to bother about Him. For the trouble is that one part of you is on His side and really agrees with His disapproval of human greed and trickery and exploitation. You may want Him to make an exception in your own case, to let you off this one time; but you know at bottom that unless the power behind the world really and unalterably detests that sort of behaviour, then He cannot be good. On the other hand, we know that if there does exist an absolute goodness it must hate most of what we do. That is the terrible fix we are in. If the universe is not governed by an absolute goodness, then all our efforts are in the long run hopeless. But if it is, then we are making ourselves enemies to that goodness every day, and are not in the least likely to do any better tomorrow, and so our case is hopeless again. We cannot do without it, and we cannot do with it. God is the only comfort, He is also the supreme terror: the thing we most need and the thing we most want to hide from. He is our only possible ally, and we have made ourselves His enemies. Some people talk as if meeting the gaze of absolute goodness would be fun. They need to think again. They are still only playing with religion. Goodness is either the great safety or the great danger- according to the way you react to it. And we have reacted the wrong way."

Mere Christianity
C.S. Lewis

Does God want you to be rich?

Read this if u have time

Does God want you to be rich?

Conversion

When I was around primary 1 or 2, my maid was a catholic who shared with me that Jesus loves me. She taught me how to pray and say grace before my meals. Though I don't really understand this Jesus then, I said good night to God before I slept everyday, and whenever I was upset, I went into the room and cried and prayed to God.

When my friend brought me to church, that was in 1997, december. With eyes closed and heads bowed, Pastor Kong asked if anyone would like to know God as her Lord and saviour, and with the encouragement of Vene, she walked with me down the altar call with her arms around my shoulder.

Well, I think I believed in God but it was a struggle to really believe, I was doubtful and unsure. Hence even after "receiving" Christ, I went down to the altar call a couple of times more subsequently, until Vene told me that it was by faith, and that I didn't have to respond so many times.

I never "felt" God when I first converted, hence I doubted if He existed. Esp when my sister shared with me how she felt rivers of water moving in her tummy when she was prayed for the baptism in the Holy Spirit. Or how ple had holy laughter but not me.

My faith was sealed though when I experienced the touch of God. It was a warm feeling that surrounded me, and I knew God was so real then. And I realised that it was not about seeking the presence, but it was about seeking Him and His presence came naturally. Though people say that charismatics are an emotional lot- I think that emotions are important, for it is that touch that humans relate to. And we can't dismiss everything as being emotional. I remember many lovely times when I just dwelt within His presence, understood His personhood, and the Holy Spirit being so close to me, encouraging me. And it was those times when I had the breakthroughs in my spiritual life, having new revelations from God.

However, I never really understood what conversion meant until much recently. Receiving Christ, yes I did, I received Him into my heart, His love. But most recently I realise that conversion includes repentance. Didn't I know that? Perhaps just the conviction and true realisation of how unworthy I am, and how needy I am of Him. I never understood repentence cos I am not sure what I had to repent of. I didn't steal, kill, have bad attitude. I tithed regularly, went to church, loved my parents and did well in my exams.

I'm thankful for the recent spate of events that took place, and though it was a very painful time for me, I learnt repentance and humility. For the first time, (though I'm sure it was there all along) the impure things hidden in my heart came out in anger, bitterness, loneliness and lust. And I cried out to God in desperation, because there was just no way I could fix this or move on. And then this self righteousness had to go and I come to realise how much I need Him. And repentance-being a giving of our lives. Conversion, not just knowing God loves me, but conversion-is surrendering all of me to Him.

And I am thankful to also understand that christianity is not just an emotion. It is not just abt feeling God. But it is IN SPITE of how we feel, we have faith that God is there, ever present for us.

For a while I swung to the other extreme, being very skeptical and labeling many stuffs as "emotionalism". Because I finally understood also that it can be very very dangerous to be telling people that "God says...", "God is telling you...", "God gave me a vision to...", and in the name of what He spoke to me, I ask others to follow me. Because of that a lot of people dare not question what is really preached at the pulpit-afterall who am I to challenge what "God" has said. But I think it is not like that. It is not just the feelings of high we receive when we jump up and down or shed a few tears.

For true conversion, which includes being touched by God, but also a conscious decision to change our lives. For God is not just a lovely dovey Father or santa claus who comes to hug u when u are wounded. He is also a very Holy God. Hence it is not just giving God a chance in yr life. It is a giving of yr everything.

I'm not sure if u can identify with what I have written. But I am thankful for His love for me. And I know that I mess up, I am so unrighteous, but upheld by His love for me, and I am thankful.