Freedom & Detachment

This is from MrForest's blog, which he has kindly allowed me to publish on my blog.
I find it very encouraging to know someone else is on this route as well. ;)


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FREEDOM & DETACHMENT
I've been attending service at this church near the Stanford campus for the past month and have decided to settle down in there. The preaching is good, the music is fantasic, the people are nice, the distance is perfect. One of the main reasons why I have decided to settle there without even visiting any other church is because I was already too sick of visiting churches. For more than 2 years, I was 'gallivanting' along the 'corridors' of the church, experiencing a load of different emotions -- from anger, disappointment, nausea, helplessness, to freedom. Organized religion can be problematic at times. Oftentimes, I have to separate God from the church because humans can make the church experience very unbearable.

I was reading Time magazine (thanks and courtesy of batthwee!) and the excerpt of Barack Obama's book caught my attention. Although he wrote about something that resonated within me, I was rather reluctant to agree.

"[M]y mother viewed religion through the eyes of the anthropologist that she would become; it was a phenomenon to be treated with a suitable respect, but with a suitable detachment as well... [a]nd yet for all her professed secularism, my mother was in many ways the most spiritually awakened person that I've ever known. She had an unswerving instinct for kindness, charity, sometimes to her detriment. Without the help of religious texts or outside authorities, she worked mightily to instill in me the values that many Americans learn in Sunday school: honesty, empathy, discipline, delayed gratification, and hard work. She raged at poverty and injustice...The Christians with whom I worked recognized themselves in me; they saw that I knew their Book and shared their values and sang their songs. But they sensed a part of me remained removed, detached, an observer among them. I came to realize that without an unequivocal commitment to a particular community of faith, I would be consigned at some level to always remain apart, free in the way my mother was free, but also alone in the same ways she was ultimately alone."

I wanted to illustrate a few points from that excerpt. First, I experienced the same freedom Obama and his mum had. It was something that I have grown to cherish. I no longer have to deal with the dissonance I felt when what I witnessed or heard deviates from what I thought was proper. This is ultimately my relationship with God. I am absolutely clear what my faith is made of, who my God is, and what I stand for. I also do not have the need to provide a response to unenlightened individuals (who can say the meanest things). Godly behavior is independent of involvement with the Christian community. Second, this freedom has a tradeoff -- detachment. The researcher in me makes the switch to the "observer" role almost seamless. As admitted earlier, I was reluctant to agree even though Obama's words resonated, because I have to give up that freedom. This detachment can sometimes really boggle the mind and challenge our taken-for-granted notions of what Christianity stands for, and what being a Christian really means.

As I reflect, I found a different form of freedom. The 2 years of wandering (and wondering) have been the most fruitful years in my Christian walk. Perhaps 'fruitful' may not be the best word to use because I bore no fruit, 'rooted' may be a better word I guess, because my roots deepened. This new freedom comes from the assurance that God alone is my judge. Unenlightened individuals can say whatever they want to say, ultimately, it is still my personal relationship with God and only He and I will know. This new freedom also derives from the fact that I care a lot less about what others think (not in the negative sense) and the new security i found in who I am and who He is. I really know what I am doing. I will serve His people with a new freedom.

As I go back into the community of believers, I am keeping that new freedom and detachment.