Musings of a Young Lady (Part 2)

3) Market Place Ministry

In the past 3 years at GIC, I've been so blessed to be part of a christian fellowship that meets up every thursday at lunch time to worship, pray andshare with one another. I've been tremendously blessed by SY and R's leading of the fellowship, as well as participating in some of theplannings of the vision and purposes of the fellowship. Our CF also links up with other CFers in the CBD area, for example last 2 years at christmas, we combined our christmas celebration. We also had outreaches e.g. showing Ravi Zacharias - Can men live without God video.It was wonderfully edifying to share, pray and encourage one another in the workplace.

I also met C, and asked her to be my mentor, and it has been such a blessing being able to share my life with her, and hear from her experiences. There are indeed certain unique experiences that we christians can share with one another in the office, afterall, person X also knows boss Y, while person Z also knows how difficult handling system W can be. I believe the mkt place ministry is important. It is the place where mostof us spend our time. Where else but the office? The corporate world is filled with its stresses, mundane tasks, and underlying, the question that everyone needs to know is, why am I here? What am I doing? Is there any purpose & meaning at all to this work? Christians can serve as an encouragement to brothers and sisters going through pain. And yes, shine alight in the midst of darkness. Change and revitalise the whole mkt place! And make it shine for God. Bring God's kingdom values of kindness,compassion, justice, hope, righteousness into the whole environment. And from there, let people see the difference in the way we live our lives, from the way structures are made.

I questioned a lot about my calling in the mkt place. Whether I shd belong here. But alas, even though I feel for my colleagues and have established such good relationships with them, i feel that ultimately my calling was not here (at this season at least) but amongst the poor. Nevertheless I think everyone should care about making disciples and spreading the gospel. And it is sad if the only reason why we are working in the office is because we want a comfortable life and money. I think wherever we choose to work, we have to choose it because we are called. We are all called to make disciples, the question is where are "you" called to make disciples?

Other than "official" platforms of outreaches, I had the blessing of being close to many of my colleagues. I really enjoyed their company, and on andoff have tried to share some of my values with them. I wrote cards and emails and chatted with colleagues to encourage them in their work! As mentioned earlier, getting involved in the recreation club comm svc was away in which I felt kingdom values could spread in the company. I felt that serving the community was a challenge to the values of the work place whereby the promotion of self interest and competitiveness is somewhatinevitable. To take time off to care for the community, with no benefit to self is a radical challenge to the values of self interest. Ofcos, some say that people are altruistic for personal reasons- e.g. feelings of fulfilment, happiness etc etc. I don't think these are bad, but I think these happy feelings shd be the fruit of our good works rather than theaim! Anyway, staying back later in the office cos of meetings to discuss the projects, sending emails to participants, liaising with charities, fundraising, pasting posters etc. I felt joyful in doing so. I met a lot of non-christians who sacrificed their time and money as well, and I was really encouraged! I believe inside every human being is a kindness and compassion we have towards others, and exercising it will in a way help usto express the goodness of our creator. I hope these experiences draws them closer to know the ultimate source of goodness.

As I announced I was changing jobs, even more opportunities arose for me to share Christ with my colleagues. As many expressed their envy that I could pursue something I liked (I believe also the ability to let go of money and comfort and to go into uncertainty), I had opportunity to share that it was not simply a passion that could drive one to give up comforts. It has to be a belief that what one was pursuing was of higher value than what one wasgiving up on. And also, doing good works by itself is not the thing that is fulfiling. The greatest calling is to know God. And so as we talked, I realised a lot of my colleagues don't really enjoy their work, but they have to hang on anyway because they want the salary. I am absolutely NOT condemning them, or going by a holier-than-thou attitude. Absolutely not. Ijust feel that the mkt place needs a whole lot of prayer and intercession,that people's eyes may be unveiled up to see Christ, so that He may bring meaning to lives.

Glorifying God in our work is ofcos another impt element that needs to be said. Work, I believe, is a form of worship unto God when we do in joyfully and acknowledge His Lordship over every task. Something an indonesian lady who started a halfway house told me, whenever she does her housework,whether it is sweeping the floors or washing dishes, she sees it as a worship unto God, and she gives thanks to God! In spite of me spending time at the recreation club, God has blessed my work. Though many times stressful, this shall be elaborated later, yet He blessed my projects.There were days however, whereby I fought hard to be joyful in doing my work. Some of the tasks seemed insummountable. Sometimes it was a challenge to do the things I find I don't really enjoy, like writing user specs which got quite technical (afterall God created us to enjoy different things), yet at the end of it I give thanks as I was able to finish my work.

Excellence in work I believe is important. People like Daniel & Joseph in the bible were wonderful testimonies of how God could use people to bring light into the work environment, and raise them up to positions of influence. However, I do not think all christians are Daniels and Josephs, and we can make a difference in our society in different manners.

My Child- I love you

Even though I know Jesus loves me, there was always this chasm that separated us. I don't know what it is. I've sought meaning in doing a lot of things that I hope will please Him. Some days I feel satisfied and loved, on other days I just run dry.

I started to know this God who loves me through glimpses of Him amongst people. Through glimpses of His loving touch. Through His warm presence. Through the lyrics of God's love. But sometimes these don't last. Esp on days when I am feeling sad and alone. I wonder if this Jesus cared.

At breakthrough weekend, the first message was on the Fear of the Lord. And Doris shared about how Fear of God was believing God no matter what, obeying God no matter what. I was convicted in my heart about the holiness of God. Yes God is a loving Father, but how the fear of the Lord is essential for us to draw near to Him. Because it is when we believe and obey that we have intimacy with the Father. When we are able to surrender to God the keys to our lives, and give Him control over it. Then intimacy comes. A drawing near.

Another session Pastor Anne talked about loving God only and loving God alone. At first I was a bit uncomfortable, cos I thought the emphasis should be on God loving us and not on we loving God. But at the end of the msg, when she called for a response, and coming to God with the things that we loved above Him. I realised that yes, God loves us, and therefore, there needs to be a response on our part to Him. That is when we come to Him and tell Him that we are willing to surrender to Him the things that we love more than Him. And when I kneeled down and said a prayer to do that, the love of God flowed through me. God showed me the condition of my heart. I've gone through some challenging times in terms of ministry and relationships, and I had been obeying Him for many things, but God asked me one thing- Are u willing, my child? And I realised that I did not have a willing heart in a lot of things that I did, even though I obeyed, it was with a heart that was clenched up. God encouraged me of His calling for me. And that in His own time, He will fulfil it.

In the next session, the breakthrough really came. The worship leader was sharing about grieve, about her miscarriages. And I was deeply touched. She shared that God told her to grieve and to release. And then there was a call for people who were grieving, and I responded. And I just couldnt stop crying, and my dearest mentor prayed for me. As she prayed, she also started crying, and she told me that God knows, and God was telling me that this burden was too great for me to bear myself, and God was saying, won't u let me bear this for u. As she placed her hands near my heart, I just released all the pain I felt on the inside and started weeping really loudly, it was like a wave of His love came and then it came again and again until I was totally convicted of His love and I felt such a deep sense of release. And then she told me that God gave her a vision, that the Lord Himself was using a thread and needle to sew up my broken heart. It reminded me of this image I saw about a few weeks ago of this red heart that was in His hands. I know my heart is being healed by Him. And how awesome, that the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords would come and do this Himself for me. =) I saw vividly that every pain I felt in my heart, Christ bore it on the cross for me. And I don't have to carry this burden any longer. I can release it to the God who cares. The God who loves me and grieves for my pain.

Thank u Lord. I am being healed. Amen. Show me more of Your love.

My Child,
You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalms 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad.

Almighty God
* taken from http://fathersloveletter.com/English/

Musings of a Young Lady (Part 1)

Since work has much winded down, and I really want to keep some emails I wrote/people have wrote for me in the past, I went into my archive folder, and discovered a treasure of stuff that I had written. I hope this blesses yr heart as this contains days and nights of rumination. These are the stuff that I've been thinking about for the past 3 years in my company.

1) Simplicity and the marginalized
I spent a large part of my time thinking about the poor for the past 2 years. And reflecting about how christians should live in the developed country. For a while, I felt guilty eating good food, and thought that I should be giving money to the poor instead. The poor was constantly on my heart and mind. I was angry with christians for not caring for the poor and living comfortable lives.

Why was I so upset? 2 years ago Ron Sider's Rich Christian in an Age of Poverty showed me clearly God's heart for the poor in the bible, and challenged christians to live out a life that cares for the people who God cares for. I've blogged here 2 years ago. As I begun to ponder about these issues, it also moved me into social action within the company. I began to take on an active role as the community service part of the recreation club, and by God's grace, there was an opening to bring my company to philippines with Habitat for Humanity in Dec 2006. I could not shake the poor off my mind and my heart, and many times I felt this burden upon me. In light of the poor and suffering, I could not bring myself to eat and drink merrily. I continued to organize other activities in the company like the one-room flat cleaning in Dec 2007.In my state of unhappiness, I felt like I was wasting my time working in the company. Felt that the cry of the poor resounded in my heart daily.

To: C
Date: 24/11/2006 09:07
Hello gal..
Could I bother u to keep me in yr prayer? Burdened...cos of all the poor people and what am I doing here kind of feelings. Can u keep me in prayer that it is a good burden that I give to the Lord rather than something that pulls me down? Feel sad too seeing the way christians live their lives...just comfortable lives...Don't wish to be judgemental, I'm not perfect either. But its a kind of burden... Thanks gal.

God continued to speak to me, and this time, it was through Randy Alcorn (Money, Posessions and Eternity) and Tim Chester (Good News to the poor) 's books, both very good books. The former about how we should live in light of eternity. The latter about how to balance social justice with preaching the gospel, aka, the humanitarian aspect of helping the poor, yet how we are short changing them if we only meet their physical needs, and do not share with them the gospel. Both challenged us to live simple lives, and to see God's eternity as more valuable than the so-called "sacrifices" we were making. In other words, it is about choosing something that is of higher value, as opposed to thinking that we are losing out on something.

To: C
Date: 12/03/2007 13:59
hellos.. Good to have lunch with u today. Feels lighter being able to think from an alternative perspective.. Just a para from my blog, thought it is something like what we were talking abt today... Was reading Tim Chester's book again yesterday, and he wrote about:"Godly contentment is not about austerity or ascentricism. It is about enjoyment.. involve opting for something of greater value."I was reflecting about whether I am really trying to spend less/live simply out of legalism (aka treating it as a sacrifice), or do I really enjoy the choices that I have made? Am I really convicted that choosing God is far more satisfying than the alternative (material satisfaction)? With this mind blowing revelation, I realise that choosing God is actually for my own good rather than a sacrifice. He loves us too much to not give us what is best for us. Just that humanly, we sometimes cannot grasp that the alternative is so valuable. Have a nice day! heh.. XJ

In June 2007, I went to the Breakthrough Weekend organized by CEFC. It was one of the most amazing and life transforming time. As God encouraged me through verses in Isaiah and told me that He was the one who brings light in darkness. And that He would use me to do so as well. And furthermore, as I went for ministry, they prayed for me against the "burden bearing" spirit. I felt so much burdens lifted up to me, as I released all the burdens I had about the poor to the Lord.

2) Learning to trust God

Since for a long while the idea of changing jobs was on my mind, I needed to hear from God. It was like, tell me God, should I change or should I not?

I was very confused and wrote out a list of pros and cons for the job switch to a humanitarian org,

To K and E

Date: May 20, 2007 6:24 PM
Pros:
1. Its my passion, i'm sure God put in my heart something abt the poor & marginalised for a reason. Finance is not exactly something I am interested in...
2. Yest was officially my 2 year anniversary at GIC! And it makes me wonder how many more 2 years there are gonna be...
3. Can learn stuffs at WV on how to run a non-profit...think that i am quite impressed with how it is runned.
4. Maybe it is much more purposeful work, and has a direct impact on the beneficiaries?
5. A step closer to social entrepreneurship? What i always wanted to do...
6. I don't look forward to work at office everyday....?

Now cons:
1. I don't know if God has called me to the mkt place. In the 2 years at GIC, God has opened doors, like last year for me to do a comm service role...and to bring a team to philippines to build hses.
2. There is a CF in GIC, and we have been organizing outreach events, the numbers are really encouraging. Feel a burden for my colleagues.
3. I remember when I was ard 19, I kinda had this vision of talking to a grp of businessmen. I am not sure if I got that vision right.....or if I make a switch to WV, then I will be moving away fr this mkt place kinda vision.
4. Hmm...Pay is good, colleagues are nice, I can gain more experience and prepare myself more?
Just switched division in Feb this year...cos boss wanted me to exposed to new things..it was very nice of him to do it for me...so I will feel bad if i leave.
5. Daddy and mummy will prob flip for awhile...

The answer I felt I got:

To: C

Date: 05/06/2007 15:32

I've been doing well too.. learning new things from God, and growing. =) One of the things He showed me about "that" decision, was for me to make my choice, and somehow felt He would be okay either way...watever choice I make. Somehow He seems to be giving me the liberty to do so, while working within my heart to guide my desires to be accordg to His. haha. Dunno if this makes sense......

It was a very challenging period as I felt very lost and confused with regards to my future. I felt very broken cos I thought I would never get to do the things that I wanted to do. I negotiated with God in prayer, O God, change my parents' heart ( and I mean now!)

Date: 27/08/2007 08:52

To the rest: Hey I decided to stay. Very tough choice to make. Still grappling with lost so need yr prayers. Decided to honour parents, don't think they r ready for this decision. And also sense some incomplete work in the mkt place ministry. Had to surrender my dream to God. Anyhow, thanks for yr prayers. Believe that all things work for His good and He has a season for everything. =)

During this time, Philip Yancey's book on Prayer was very good. Does God answer prayers or not? If so, why are there people who still die after they believed in healing? What does prayer mean, do we really ask and receive? Can we change God's mind? Yancey emphasizes that prayer is a two-way thing with God, whereby God calls us as partners through prayer.

In light of these, I feel that God might have blessed me even if I went on the WV. But I felt He was very very kind. He knew the kind of affirmation I needed from my family. I cant say 100% whether I should have left and should not have left last year. But He taught me a lot indeed when I decided to stay. I saw His sovereign power working in my family to change their hearts, and this new job I am getting into is perhaps closer to what I really wanted.

Sometimes, God's direction for us is not "go to A" or "go to B". I believe it is a constant wrestle of to-and-fro with Jesus. He did not make us as zombies, but He wants us to align our desires with His as we get to know Him more. Hence I would not say there is a right or wrong in the decisions we make- in that sense. But ultimately, what is even more impt than the decision, is the attitude in which we approach God. And the peace we have in the midst of uncertainty- indeed being able to rest in times of darkness challenges our faith in God. Even as we say we trust God, the challenge comes when we are in this time of "waiting" whereby nothing seems to be happening.

Feed my sheep

God has been really good to me. Always had a heart for youths, and there were quite a few that He brought into my path last year and this year! One of the most blessed friendship I treasure is the one with my intern, Y,who is 20 this year, and going to start uni in Japan in April this year. I feel that God has really blessed this friendship, and there is some sort of sharing of lives betw us, and loads of oppties to talk about God, about work, about life etc. Praise God that His kingdom is not contained within the church, but expands itself into the heart of the workplace. :) Every colleague is someone whom we can "pastor", "shepherd", "counsel". So many opportunities!

I'm getting busier as ministry stuff is building up, but not only that, I find many divine opportunities to speak into people's lives, many about emotional wounds. Sometimes I get so burdened and saddened by them.

Reading the gospels reminded me that Jesus, often went into solitude to pray. In light of many needs that He faced, He knew that the one thing He needed to do, was to abide in God.