Even though I know Jesus loves me, there was always this chasm that separated us. I don't know what it is. I've sought meaning in doing a lot of things that I hope will please Him. Some days I feel satisfied and loved, on other days I just run dry.
I started to know this God who loves me through glimpses of Him amongst people. Through glimpses of His loving touch. Through His warm presence. Through the lyrics of God's love. But sometimes these don't last. Esp on days when I am feeling sad and alone. I wonder if this Jesus cared.
At breakthrough weekend, the first message was on the Fear of the Lord. And Doris shared about how Fear of God was believing God no matter what, obeying God no matter what. I was convicted in my heart about the holiness of God. Yes God is a loving Father, but how the fear of the Lord is essential for us to draw near to Him. Because it is when we believe and obey that we have intimacy with the Father. When we are able to surrender to God the keys to our lives, and give Him control over it. Then intimacy comes. A drawing near.
Another session Pastor Anne talked about loving God only and loving God alone. At first I was a bit uncomfortable, cos I thought the emphasis should be on God loving us and not on we loving God. But at the end of the msg, when she called for a response, and coming to God with the things that we loved above Him. I realised that yes, God loves us, and therefore, there needs to be a response on our part to Him. That is when we come to Him and tell Him that we are willing to surrender to Him the things that we love more than Him. And when I kneeled down and said a prayer to do that, the love of God flowed through me. God showed me the condition of my heart. I've gone through some challenging times in terms of ministry and relationships, and I had been obeying Him for many things, but God asked me one thing- Are u willing, my child? And I realised that I did not have a willing heart in a lot of things that I did, even though I obeyed, it was with a heart that was clenched up. God encouraged me of His calling for me. And that in His own time, He will fulfil it.
In the next session, the breakthrough really came. The worship leader was sharing about grieve, about her miscarriages. And I was deeply touched. She shared that God told her to grieve and to release. And then there was a call for people who were grieving, and I responded. And I just couldnt stop crying, and my dearest mentor prayed for me. As she prayed, she also started crying, and she told me that God knows, and God was telling me that this burden was too great for me to bear myself, and God was saying, won't u let me bear this for u. As she placed her hands near my heart, I just released all the pain I felt on the inside and started weeping really loudly, it was like a wave of His love came and then it came again and again until I was totally convicted of His love and I felt such a deep sense of release. And then she told me that God gave her a vision, that the Lord Himself was using a thread and needle to sew up my broken heart. It reminded me of this image I saw about a few weeks ago of this red heart that was in His hands. I know my heart is being healed by Him. And how awesome, that the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords would come and do this Himself for me. =) I saw vividly that every pain I felt in my heart, Christ bore it on the cross for me. And I don't have to carry this burden any longer. I can release it to the God who cares. The God who loves me and grieves for my pain.
Thank u Lord. I am being healed. Amen. Show me more of Your love.
My Child,
You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalms 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32
Love, Your Dad.
Almighty God
* taken from http://fathersloveletter.com/English/
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