It was simply an amazing weekend, meeting God afresh and the heart operations that He has done inside me. Thank You Lord.
Not sure where to begin, but many of the bible verses that were preached cut through my heart. Some of them were things that God had showed me before, and so it was a reminder that God had not forgotten me and remembered all that He had spoken.
Isaiah 42 spoke most to me, it was quoted by the worship leader in the first session, and later by Valerie.
6 "I, the Lord, have called You in righteousness, And will hold Your hand; I will keep You and give You as a covenant to the people, As a light to the Gentiles, 7 To open blind eyes, To bring out prisoners from the prison, Those who sit in darkness from the prison house. 8 I am the Lord, that is My name; And My glory I will not give to another, Nor My praise to carved images. 9 Behold, the former things have come to pass, And new things I declare; Before they spring forth I tell you of them."
This verse spoke to me, because walking through the days of valley, I had forgotten that God was the light, and He wanted to cut through the darkness in my heart, and to set me free from every emotional bondage. It was very reassuring. And not only that, I think after getting healed, after I have experienced God's love, I can be a "wounded healer", a light to the gentiles, a light to the depressed. Something that's in my heart. But I'm not the healer, I can only minister with the faith of God being the light.
At night, Pastor Ann talked about Jonah and Nineveh. The unwilling prophet. Perhaps self righteous too? It came to my mind who my Ninevites were....and they were businessmen and rich christians who didn't care abt the poor. I've been angry with them. And ya...Jonah had a reason to be angry, but yet God says, look at my heart, look at what I desire for these people, look with eyes of compassion and see beyond the surface. During ministry time, she asked for us to release forgiveness. I felt like a stone, didn't feel I had unforgiveness towards people, and had dealt with those issues. Started praying for C, and C also held my hand and prayed...she was praying for herself, but everything that she prayed for, applied to me, and cut into my heart! I couldn't help sobbing and crying uncontrollably....I realised what had happened inwardly, I was so sad abt people whom I couldn't help in the cell grp (CHC), and blamed myself inwardly for everything. I felt so rejected by the cell members and unappreciated. But ya...it was such a tremendous healing and presence of the Lord, that totally left me sobbing for a long long time. Thank you C, if u are reading this...how amazing our paths crossed.
Day 2 was another amazing day and touch from the Lord, after He had revealed to me the chief issue bothering me on day 1....Valerie talked abt being rooted and nourished in Christ. 3 areas of drought that she mentioned was loneliness and vocation. Hmm....both my areas of struggle. And she said God's word for the lonely was do not fear, I am with you. This totally like resonnated with the verse God always encouraged me with...Fear Not, I am with you. And yar...the flood gates opened again. I realise how much I need a refreshing touch and presence of God...of the Holy Spirit. And I wept like crazy, just being so loved by the Lord, with His assurance that He was with me in my every pain. I had this image of God putting His arms around me and hugging me, that made me cry even more.
Hmm, I went for ministry prayer, and I am amazed that CEFC also has deliverance! Knowing CEFC daily gives me more and more surprises of what is in stored. I liked it that it was personal and in a room, and the ministry workers talked to me before they prayed for me. And yar, I was slain, feeling God's weight...and as they prayed for me, I felt such a deep sense of release from the performance trap, from the unbelief and cynicism. Most of all, they prayed against the burden bearing spirit. It was such a great sense of release, letting God be God over all the burdens I had for His people, for the poor, for the non-christians.
Yar...so I've been crying buckets and I'm not sure if I can cry anymore. I'm thankful, and renewed my love for Jesus....I'm going to renew my mind daily from now onwards that I am a child of God, and I know that His grace will lead me onward. =)
Anyway, I want to share that I've been so blessed being in the fellowship of the christian women for the past 3 days. It has been an eye opener seeing God working in their lives. It has been encouraging to see women the age of my mother so fervant for the Lord....All of us go through different journeys in life, yet He is the potter, working in our lives to mould us. And...I am really encouraged by how various women have given up part of themselves, whether time/talent/youth etc, to serve the Lord. I am so blessed to be in CEFC at this stage in my life. A new kind of disciple...I am thankful that the church is building such disciples, not just outward forms, but disciples from deep within.
