Fellowship

I've been thinking about 2 things recently: Fellowship and Salvation

First of all, what does fellowship mean?
I like what Charles Colson & Ellen Vaughn write in Being the Body

As the book of Acts depicts so beautifully, the Christians of the first churches were of one heart, sharing their material possessions and caring for their brothers and sisters in need. Surrounded by a hostile culture and convinced that Christ was returning soon, they enjoyed the intimacy of shared lives, common cause, and deep friendships that crossed the social and economic barriers of their day. Ordinary believers whose lives had been transformed by the power of Jesus, they truly were what they called themselves; the communio sanctorum-the communion of saints....

Surveys show that the number-one thing people look for in a church today is fellowship. But what most modern Westerners seek is a far cry from that the Bible describes and what the early church practiced. No term in the Christian lexicon is more abused than fellowship...

But the word for "fellowship" in the New Testament Greek, koinonia, means neither punch and cookies nor cookie-cutter Christians. It conveys something richer. Literally it means "a communion", a participation of people together in God's grace. It describes a new community in which individuals willingly covenant to share in common, to be in submission to each other, to support one another and "bear one another's burdens,"as Paul wrote to the Galatians, and to build each other up in relationship with the Lord.

You see, what makes people see the difference in us? We as a group of people who live our lives differently and sacrifice for each other- that is love that God called us to have for each other, and how ple know that Christ is alive in us. A community...a new community of believers.

I've also been thinking about salvation and repentance. Out of curiosity that Jonathan Edwards was mentioned many times in the books that I was reading, I went to google for his sermons- and the most famous one being "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God", preached at Enfield, which stirred the hearts of mean and women. People repented of their sins, came to God and revival broke thru the land. That was in 1739-1740, the start of the Great Awakening in America.

How does revival come about? I believe that revival comes when there is repentance. People come to God and say that they are sorry for their sins, and there is a contrite heart, and a fear of God because He is so Holy. I was scanning thru the sermon by Edwards, and the whole sermon was filled with hell fire & God's judgement on sinners, and yet how He is merciful to keep us alive. And I was pretty shocked. Esp when I compare it with today's evangelistic sermons that focus mostly on God's love, come to Him...He loves u, and if you are a sinner He will forgive u etc. Don't get me wrong, I am sure God is a loving God. Its just that sometimes the sermons can get so watered down that even if people respond, there may not be genuine repentance...a genuine contrite heart that recognises one has sinned. Because receiving Christ, is not just coming to blessings and God's love, but these come, as we repent of our past and sins, and acknowledge that we need God. So its not just about lovely musicals or sermons on the prodigal son. But impt-that ple realise that God is Holy and that we are so in need of Him.

And yes, when we talk abt evangelising to people, we mustn't be afraid to speak to them abt Christ. And sometimes we may even be offensive to them. I believe that whatever Peter and Paul said were offensive to the jews. Repent of yr sins!! Those that u worship are idols! They are lifeless! And they dared to share boldly of Christ. And then the Word cuts thru the hearts of the people, and we realise how wretched we are without God.

Being the (church) Body

Interesting Quote by C.S. Lewis:
" I didn't go to religion to make me happy.
I always knew a bottle of Port would do that.
If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable,
I certainly don't recommend Christianity."

-----
The church is not a blding..but it is the gathering of a group of believers.

Charles Colson & Ellen Vaughn, Being the Body

"This is the great tension. On the one hand, there is the church God has created and intends for ultimate consummation as the bride of Christ. That church, said C.S. Lewis is a spectacle that makes the boldest demons uneasy, for 'she spread out through all time and space and rooted in eternity, terrible as an army with banners.'

But that ultimate vision is far more glorious than the present reality we see around us everyday in this fallen world: little congregations gathering in white wooden chapels and vast denomintaions meeting in grand cathedrals, street-corner preachers, megachurch pastors, Salvation Army bell ringers, television orators and traveling evangelists. Many of them spend much of the time either bickering with or ignoring each other. This church, the one the world sees, resembles nothing much as a gigantic flea market with the vendors competing against on another, hawking their wares in a huge discordant din.
Messy, ambiguous, imperfect? You bet. There is no perfect or model church. But we should not despair-for at least two reasons.
First, tensions allow for a variety of expressions which, often confounding human wisdom, reach people who might not otherwise be reached. There is richness in our diversity that strengthens the overall witness of the church. Different confessions, because of their own emphasis, make differing aspects of the spiritual reality visble...
Second...The institutional church, like all other institutions, comes under the influence of the Fall...this dynamic may well save us all from the one fate worse than chaos: triumphalism. That is, the very real temptation to believe that we have all of the truth, thus confusing ourselves with the kingdom of God. ..
But as imperfect as we are on this side of heaven, the miracle is that God in fact chooses to use His church-us-as His means of proclaiming love, truth, and hope.
Not always clearly; not always unequivocally. We all cringe when a church leader does some dreadful thing or when a layperson says some crazy thing into television camera. But somehow, through all the muddle, the gospel goes forth. People often come to church for all the wrong reasons, but God draws them to Himself. Churches can thunder down all the wrong tracks, and then repent and be renewed.
Admittedly, the pettiness and failures, the division and discord, can be disheartening at times. What a sorry mess we mortals often make of things in the name of the church! But our comfort comes from God's miraculous promise that He will build His church."

I hope the above comforts u.

I don't enjoy the feeling of church "shopping". I am not shopping. I'm not looking for the perfect, flawless church to belong to. I just want to belong to a church where I can be a part of the body of Christ. Where as a community, we can be a light that shines. Where I can follow the biblical commandment to not give up the meeting of together. In my heart is the ideal church. But the church, made up of individuals like u and me, is never in the ideal state. Yet I believe in God's heart for the church, for as a group of believers, how much more we can impact our society.

I feel such a deep sense of disillusionment within me. Disatisfied a lot of times...and smtimes even angry. Sigh. I don't know how to manage that.

This week when I visited Covenant's cg as I blogged in the other blog, I think many of the ple in the cg belong to rich families. And we have our cars, careers, and studies etc. All these are God's blessings. Then I think...can we live less rich lives and how much more we can give to others. Can we give up our careers and go to mission fields and totally live our lives for God. Can we give up our comfortable lifestyle? And what does it mean to follow God.
Then the next moment I get a lift right home cos my contacts was displaced, and I received smses of encouragement, and it made me feel really loved. And this body of God's believers, tho not perfect in the way we live...yet, being in the body, is God's plan for us, that we may encourage one another in various ways. I ask myself, instead of judging ple, can I judge my own life, am I loving enough, kind enough? Generous enough? And I fall short of everything. Don't mistake me...i'm not preaching about doing more works to please God.
Teach me God, to be more loving, generous and kind. And give me the grace..to live the kind of life u call me to live.

The Cross

The first time I listened to Smail's tape, I cried and wept. I felt the comforting presence of the Holy Spirit. U know at times when we don't understand why we suffer, or go thru trials, ple tell us we must have FAITH to pray for our breakthrus and to believe in God. And we are really discouraged when we don't get our breakthroughs. Is it cos we don't have enuff faith? But could it be that the world is simply not perfect, and that "God's purposes in such situations is not always to take us out of what is threatening to hurt or destroy us, but is sometimes rather to take us through it. Our ultimate victory comes not from escaping evil but from being given the ability to endure and bear it..."

Find some of the answers here as u struggle thru!

Abstract from Tom Smail- The Cross and the Spirit: Toward a Theology of Renewal

Toward a Theology of Suffering
There is, however, another whole area in which the Paschal model
has much to offer. As well as opening up, as we have just been seeing,
a fresh approach to renewal and healing in their relationship to Christ's
cross, it also makes possible a new understanding of unrelieved suffering
and failure to heal. These are always a great problem for the Pentecostal
model, which is exposed to constant temptation to a glib triumphalism
that arouses in people expectations which it is only sometimes able to
fulfill, with the sad result that many people are left in deep guilt because
they did not have enough faith to be healed, or else in disillusionment
because the promises so confidently made to them have not been kept.
When we expose this whole dark area to the light that comes from
the cross and resurrection of Jesus, we can begin to see that God's
purpose in such situations is not always to take us out of what is
threatening to hurt or destroy us, but is sometimes rather to take us
through it. Our ultimate victory comes not from escaping evil but from
being given the ability to endure and bear it, the way that Jesus bore it
on the cross, so that the death that was its ultimate destructive onslaught
upon Him became the way to His own Easter victory and to the world's
salvation.
When God's own self-giving love gets into the midst of a situation
dominated by sin, suffering, and death, the way it did with Jesus on the
cross, it acts creatively and transformingly on that situation. What is
in itself totally destructive can become, by Christ's presence in it, salvific
and redemptive. Christ does not rise on Easter day in spite of His
sufferings and death, but rather because of them. The risen Jesus is still
the wounded Jesus; in His resurrection He does not leave His passion
behind Him; He bears the marks of it still in His body and displays them
as the trophies of His triumph. His suffering is the very stuff out of
which He fashions His glory.
The New Testament makes it clear that the way of the Master is
the way of the disciple. He calls us to take up our cross and follow Him.
That means that we have no guarantee of immunity either from the
kind of suffering that is a direct consequence of our discipleship or from
the accidents, misfortunes, illnesses, and disabilities that afflict other
people and are as liable to afflict us as well. Paul was imprisoned in
Philippi as a direct result of his Christian witness there (Acts 16:23),
but equally the ship on which he sailed for Rome was not spared the
storm and the shipwreck that were the normal risk of all Mediterranean
seafarers at that time of year (Acts 27). He was rescued from neither a fresh approach to renewal and healing in their relationship to Christ's cross, it also makes possible a new understanding of unrelieved suffering and failure to heal. These are always a great problem for the Pentecostal model, which is exposed to constant temptation to a glib triumphalism that arouses in people expectations which it is only sometimes able to fulfill, with the sad result that many people are left in deep guilt because
they did not have enough faith to be healed, or else in disillusionment
because the promises so confidently made to them have not been kept.
When we expose this whole dark area to the light that comes from
the cross and resurrection of Jesus, we can begin to see that God's
purpose in such situations is not always to take us out of what is
threatening to hurt or destroy us, but is sometimes rather to take us
through it. Our ultimate victory comes not from escaping evil but from
being given the ability to endure and bear it, the way that Jesus bore it
on the cross, so that the death that was its ultimate destructive onslaught
upon Him became the way to His own Easter victory and to the world's
salvation.
When God's own self-giving love gets into the midst of a situation
dominated by sin, suffering, and death, the way it did with Jesus on the
cross, it acts creatively and transformingly on that situation. What is
in itself totally destructive can become, by Christ's presence in it, salvific
and redemptive. Christ does not rise on Easter day in spite of His
sufferings and death, but rather because of them. The risen Jesus is still
the wounded Jesus; in His resurrection He does not leave His passion
behind Him; He bears the marks of it still in His body and displays them
as the trophies of His triumph. His suffering is the very stuff out of
which He fashions His glory.
The New Testament makes it clear that the way of the Master is
the way of the disciple. He calls us to take up our cross and follow Him.
That means that we have no guarantee of immunity either from the
kind of suffering that is a direct consequence of our discipleship or from
the accidents, misfortunes, illnesses, and disabilities that afflict other
people and are as liable to afflict us as well. Paul was imprisoned in
Philippi as a direct result of his Christian witness there (Acts 16:23),
but equally the ship on which he sailed for Rome was not spared the
storm and the shipwreck that were the normal risk of all Mediterranean
seafarers at that time of year (Acts 27). He was rescued from neither
persecution nor misfortune, but was brought through both to fresh
opportunities for the gospel.
So for Christians today there come times when Jesus calls us to
follow Him in the way of the cross, where the delivering signs and
wonders do not happen, where the trouble from which we pray to be
freed is neither removed nor alleviated, but becomes the material out
of which God fashions us into richer and deeper realms of renewal,
which, looking back, we see could not have been reached in any other
way.
Very relevant to all this is the saying of C. S. Lewis, "Miracles are
for beginners." I take this to mean that, when we are in the early stages
of the Christian life, where faith most needs to be confirmed and built
up, God will often show himself to be the rescuer, who gets us out of
our trouble. When, however, we become stronger and more mature,
He will often honor us, not by giving us the deliverances we ask, but
by calling us to follow Jesus through the dark, even deadly places where
no relief comes, to the new life that lies on the other side of whatever
Jordan of suffering and affliction we have to cross. And, of course, none
of us will in the end escape the ultimate Jordan of death, which is the
only access to the final glory that awaits us.
We need not take too literally the time-scale implied by the Lewis
dictum. It is not only at the start of the Christian life that faith and
confidence need to be built up, and God's wonderful rescuing deliver-
ances can come at any time and in any situation, as in His wisdom and
freedom He may choose. Nevertheless, Christian growth toward ma-
turity comes less from seeing miracles than from being taken through
suffering and learning to trust God to work out His good purposes in
and through what we have to endure. If we can see Him at work only
when we are rescued from evil, and cannot trust Him when the signs
cease and the wonders do not happen we shall be in danger of remaining
permanently in the Christian nursery instead of learning, as Paul put it
to Timothy, "[to] endure hardship ... like a good soldier of Christ Jesus"
(2 Timothy 2:3).
The New Testament paradigm for all this is undoubtedly the way
Paul understands what he calls his thorn in the flesh in 2 Corinthians
12:7-9. Much ink has been spilled in trying to identify what exactly he
was talking about, and commentators have suggested everything from
epileptic fits and eye trouble to the harrying of persecuting Jews. That
debate is bound to be without conclusion since the relevant evidence
is almost entirely lacking.
Nevertheless, Paul does tell us quite clearly that, whatever the
precise nature of his trouble may have been, it was something that on
the face of it fulfilled no obvious useful purpose. It gave him continual
pain and played into the hands of Satan by at least partially disabling
him from doing what God had called him to do. That much can be
inferred from 12:7, "There was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger
of Satan to torment me."
Paul's response to this situation was to pray that he should be set
free from this disability, and to persist in this prayer when its request
was not immediately granted. "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to
take it away from me" (v. 8). The answer to that prayer, when at length
it came, was a very specific refusal of the deliverance he asked for. To
put it in current charismatic jargon, Paul was given a word of knowledge
to the effect that he was to live with his affliction and not expect to be
freed from it.
God was going to lead him by the way of the cross, by not rescuing
him from the trouble, but by using it to bring him into even closer
dependence upon himself. Paul had had sensational spiritual experi-
ences, which he hints at in the verses immediately before this passage,
and there was a danger that he might be carried away by them, so as to
depend on them rather than the God who gave them—always a temp-
tation for those who have had charismatic experiences, even of a much
lesser kind. In such circumstances he needed his affliction to drive him
back continually on his dependence on God. "But he said to me, 'My
grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness' "
(v. 9). A disabled apostle depending on God is far more usable than a
healthy apostle living out of his own spiritual capital.
It is as if God had said to him, "Your thorn in the flesh must remain,
for although Satan put it there, I can use it to make you keep relying on
me and so to outwit Satan. For when you rely on me in your wound-
edness, you are far more powerful in my service than if you were
brimming with physical health, psychological balance, and spiritual self-
sufficiency." The way that Paul goes on shows how well he has learned
that hard lesson: "Therefore 1 will boast all the more gladly about my
Weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for
Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in per-
secutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (vv. 9-10)

"My power is made perfect in weakness"; "When I am weak, then
I am strong." Those who understand what is happening to them in these
terms are those who have entered deeply into the mystery of the strange
power that God in Christ exercises from the apparent powerlessness
of^the cross. They know that when we assess these things in terms of
a theologia cmcis, weakness and power, suffering and triumph, defeat and
victory, rejection and acceptance, death and resurrection are not con'
ttadictory but complementary, impossible as that may seem from any
-other standpoint.
As the Church of England Doctrine Commission report We Believe
m the Holy Spirit puts it, "Jesus and his passion represent for us the
touchstone of the power of which we speak, its effects when poured
out, and its confrontation with other concepts of power abroad in the
world."3 In other words. God's power is understood in accordance with
what we have been calling the Paschal model, it is the power of the
cross, of the crucified and risen Lord.
That is why Paul can cope with God's refusal to remove his thorn
in the flesh. He has learned at the cross not just about a rescuing God
who takes people out of trouble but about a saving God who can use
their trouble for their remaking, just as He used the awful suffering of
Jesus for the remaking of the world. The Pentecostal model can offer
us a theology of healing and triumph, but it cannot provide the basis
for a theology of suffering and failure, which we need just as much. For
that we have to turn, with Paul in his own suffering, to the Paschal
model, with its center in the cross.

Renewal in the Spirit and Sharing the Cross
Far from advancing beyond the cross when we are renewed in the
Spirit, needing to return to it only when we sin and need pardon, the
Paschal model shows us that the more we are filled with the Spirit, the
more we shall share in both cross and resurrection, again and again.
The triumphalistic expectations of uninterrupted release and constant
victory which the more naive part of the charismatic constituency has
sometimes chenshed and even taught are contradicted by both Scripture
and experience alike.
For our New Testament example of this we need only remember
Stephen, who is introduced to us in Acts 6 as a man -full of faith and
of the Holy Spirit" (v. 5) and "full of God's grace and power (v. 8)-a
model charismatic indeed! Precisely because he was so full of the Spirit.
Stephen saw that the gospel of Christ could not be contained within
the bounds of Jewish exclusivism, but that through it God was moving
out in grace from Israel to the whole Gentile world. Such a message
roused against him a murderous Jewish opposition that contrived his
stoning. Just as it had contrived the crucifixion-But because
the Spirit who filled Stephen was the Spirit who had filled Jesus on the
cross he met his death in the same forgiving love to his enemies and
trust in God. so that the last words of the martyr echo Ac last words
of the master:-Lord. do not hold this sin against them (7:60); Lord
Tesus, receive my spirit" (7:59).
But as death and defeat were not the end of the story for Jesus,
neither were they for Stephen. Luke tells Stephen s story in a way that
brings out quite clearly how his tragedy was used to bnng about his
triumph both in heaven and on earth. We are told how in the midst of
his suffering he had a charismatic vision of the glory that awaited him
with God- "I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right
hand of God" (Luke 7:56). Professor William Manson used to point
out to his Edinburgh students that this is the only place inthe New
Testament where the exalted Lord is said to stand at the Father s right
hand. In all other references he is said to szt, because sitting is the
attitude of regnant majesty. But when the martyr who has followed the
Lord all the way to the death comes, to receive him and to honor him
the Son of Man rises from His throne. Almost, "Stand up, stand up for
Stephen!" That is indeed triumph in heaven.
But there is tnumph for Stephen and all that he died for here on
earth as well. Luke tells us that -Meanwhile, the witnesses [to Stephen s
stoning] laid their clothes at the feet of a young man named Saul (7:58),
who was soon also due to meet the exalted Lord on the road to Damascas. There he would be asked why he was continuing to kick against
the pricks, why, in other words, he was resisting the growing conviction
that, in persecuting the Christians, he was persecuting their Lord. If we
ask what had begun to shake him in his old hostility and prepare him
for his coming conversion, the answer, at which Luke at least hints, is
that it was the way Stephen died.
Thus the death of Stephen was a powerful factor in initiating the
taking of the gospel to the Gentile world through Paul. The very thing
for which the martyr had died was beginning to happen in a way and
to an extent of which he could never have dared to dream. Stephen
moves from being filled with the Spirit to a sharing of the cross, and
through that sharing of the cross to triumph both with God in heaven
and with God's mission here on earth. That is the Paschal pattern of
Christian life in the Spirit.
That pattern prevails equally in the more restricted world of the
spiritual gifts in which modern charismatics are most interested. Mother
Basileia Schlink of the Evangelical Sisterhood of Mary used to say that
all the gifts of the Spirit are marked with the sign of the cross. To
exercise a ministry of healing involves suffering with those who suffer
and having to bear all the insoluble mysteries of why one is healed and
another is not. Furthermore, if we desire to prophesy, we had better
remember all the biblical evidence that the popularity rating and indeed
the life-expectancy of authentic prophets has never been high!

Conclusions
It is time to summarize our conclusions. The central thrust of the
argument has been that renewal in the Spirit urgently requires a theology
that will do justice to all that is involved in it—a map of the journey to
God's land of promise that has clearly marked on it both the power and
the love, the failure and the triumph, the weakness and the strength,
the suffering and the healing, the dying and the rising again. We have
tried to show that a theology that will more adequately fulfil all these
requirements will be one that has at its center not the experience of
Pentecost only, but the Paschal mystery of the death and resurrection
of Jesus, to which the Spirit who came to the Church at Pentecost bears
witness in all His works and ways.
Of course, no theology can ever be finally adequate to the uncon'
trollable Spirit, who, as John reminds us, blows, like the wind, wherever
He pleases (John 3:8); but in all His incalculable freedom He remains
the Spirit whom the Father gave to us through the Son who was to die
and rise again. That is why the Spirit can so often be seen to be working
within the rhythm of Christ's cross and resurrection.
Paul says all that I have been trying to say in Philippians 3:10, where
he delineates the shape of the only renewal in the Spirit that at the end
of the day matters: "I want to know Christ and the power of his
resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming
like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection
from the dead."

Having an equality!

Was reading 2 Corinthians 8-9 yesterday, and something caught my eye. In chap 8 to 9, Paul was talking to the Corinth church about giving and preparing their gifts. It was interesting, for me to see Paul-doing pastoral stuffs, but more than that, something in 2 Cor 8:13-14 caught my eye when I read it in the NLT version.
Ofcourse, I don't mean your giving should make life easy for others and hard for yourselves. I only mean there should be some equality. Right now you have plenty and can help those who are in need. Later, they will have plenty and can share with you when you need it. In this way, things will be equal.

Whoa! Living as a community of christians, our sharing with each other, will cause us to have equality! Sounds a little communistic/socialistic isn't it? But in the nature of the Father, all the way from Old testament of having the Year of Jubilee, tells us that God-desires equality and justice! So that the land has no poor. And if we practice that enough, there would be balance and there will not be so much starvation and famine in poor countries. (That's a bit of over-simplification ofcos, given that there are also issues of corrupted governments, laziness etc)
2Cor 9:6 along the lines of he who sows shall reap. Isn't the above true? If we all shared, then whatever we sowed, we also have enough from others! Just like the book of Acts where all shared their possessions willingly.

Paul himself said he learnt to abound and to abase. In my opinion, prosperity and success are not the ultimate goal of christianity. I'm still trying to figure out what is. But could it be to be more Christ-like?
Paul speaks in 2 Cor6:4-10 on the marks of the ministry:

4 But in all things we commend ourselves as ministers of God: in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distresses, 5 in stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labors, in sleeplessness, in fastings; 6 by purity, by knowledge, by longsuffering, by kindness, by the Holy Spirit, by sincere love, 7 by the word of truth, by the power of God, by the armor of righteousness on the right hand and on the left, 8 by honor and dishonor, by evil report and good report; as deceivers, and yet true; 9 as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold we live; as chastened, and yet not killed; 10 as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things.

Surely, a large part of what it means to be a Christian is missed out when we focus on success and prosperity. How about suffering, sleeplessness and persecution? Doesn't the body of Christ today in developed countries need to be challenged in terms of their comfortable lifestyle? When we sing songs about laying down our lives/Jesus being more impt than treasures of this earth, are these just nice songs to sing? Or do we mean it with all our hearts?

It is a wonderful thing to excel in our studies & work in our mkt place, and shinning for God-carrying His excellence, and testifying that, yes, God is a good God, and God is a God who blesses. But the mark of the minister is that-He can do with or without this, with money or without, with honour of without-that the chief aim may be that he may glorify Christ in his life.

What makes non-christians want to seek God? Non-christians more than anything are seeking for TRUTH. The diff kinds of packaging may lead them to truth. But I think more than anything, they are looking for something that is different from this world. Can it be love? Can it be sacrifice? Can it be those that touch their hearts? Seeing christians giving their all to each other, and genuinely loving each other, instead of building larger buildings and wearing nicer clothes and having a high standard of life.

Hey, u are so rich and prosperous, your God must be wonderful! I want to have that too!
Is christianity an exchange of worldy things, for other means of acheiving worldy things? Shd we persuade them to know our God through these means?

Relevance

I found the youth conference message yesterday pretty enlightening. Pastor explained to us why we must be relevant to society. And its really true and impt. And I understand better his vision for the church to be in the culture of the world, and to be an influence in the arts, media, govt, business etc.

I've always believed in that as well, being a mktplace christian, impacting the place u are in, being the salt and light, carry His glory, shine for Him. And I always pray that I might be a light that shines in my company, that when ple see me, they see God in me.

Well there are 2 grps of ple reading this blog, the first grp are my CHC frens (CGLs, ex-mbrs etc), second grp are some christians who have gone thru a similar transition as me wrt their point of view about church. I try and cater for both grps in a sense, but then realise that I shd be pleasing God and not men, and I shd really write what I think is the truth.

I agree about being relevant and contemporary to relate to the world. The opposite of that is retreating and being reclusive. There are so many churches like the latter! But my question is, what is the definition of being relevant? I can be relevant in so many ways. To the poor and hurting, I minister to them by my love and showing them that I care. To the person in the third world, I be relevant to him by going there wearing my simplest of clothes to relate to him. To the aunty in the pantry, I talk to her abt her children and movies in her era. That is BEING RELEVANT! Can u imagine me wearing my makeup, mini skirt and high heels to a developing country and telling them, God loves you! That will be so irrelevant!

Being relevant does not mean everyone fits into a mould of dyed and gelled hair, mini skirts, ed- hardy t shirts, makeup etc. In fact that freaks a group of ple in society out. We are NOT being relevant to the chunk of ple who are not fashionable, maybe nerdy, or even casual in their dressing. How abt someone who just wants to seek God and wear his bermudas to church? Being fashionable is unlikely to be relevant to him. We be relevant by relating to ple and being real, being ourselves and yet caring for others.

Granted, this is a youth conference but there is a large chunk of the church I believe, like me, probably who don't feel that being trendy and fashionable is being relevant to me. Neither is the hip hop dance, or the winning eleven game, or the pop idol sessions.

And my question is, are we only reaching out to the hip and trendy? Are we dressed in a way that makes pop stars come to church and feel comfortable? Is the church mainly relevant to cater for ple like Miss Taiwan? Or is it a church that is relevant to all? And why are ple in "influence"-leaders in govt, business, media being exalted over everyday ple like you and me? Though I am not a leader in my industry, yet I impact my world by being me! Daniel-impacted the world he lived in, and the story of daniel speaks to us that God can use anybody and everybody! Looks and wisdom are a special endowment that God has given to him. In the new testament, God says blessed are the meek/poor in spirit etc, and God uses the weak (according to the world) to shame the strong. Hence God is God who uses ALL ple, as long as we surrender our lives to Him, and that is where He empowers us to be like a Daniel!

In my heart of hearts though, I am somewhat at peace, cos hearing where pastor was coming from, I understand better the reasons for being contemporary. At his heart is reaching out and being relevant to ple, esp youths. And the church has done a great job in relating to the youths. So I dare not be bold enough to say that I know it better than the leadership.

MrForest told me that I must ask myself the correct questions. What are the practices that are being done that are not acceptable to me? And can I see myself there in the long run? The answer is a big clear fat no. Though I have kept myself open for the past few months, and everyday I ask God this question. How can a church be walking in error when u are blessing it so much? Am I the one in error? Am I being religious? Am I missing out on smthing? But the underlying core emotion beneath me just fails to relate to the sermons almost every week as well as the practices. They don't encourage me to know God more. The God that I know, somewhat differs from what is being preached at the pulpit.

For a long long while, I was angry with myself. Why can't I be normal? Have I hardened my heart and backslidden? Sometimes doubt, anger and bitterness comes to my mind when I worship. But for the past two days, during ministry, I experienced such a warm touch from the Holy Spirit, and I felt this deep sense of peace. That He was with me.

U see..the only thing that I can reconcile is that God works in His plans in so many wonderous ways. This church may not be the place where I fit in right now in my spiritual walk. But it has indeed blessed me so much in the past and helped me to overcome my low self esteem, challenged me to live a godly life etc. Perhaps there is a season in everyone's lives for different things. Sometimes I really envy those ple who can sit at the service and agree with all the things that are being said. I remember not long back...1 or 2 years ago, I also felt that way. I looked forward to service every single week for a fresh touch from God and for Him to speak to me in a new way. And He always did. Having exposed myself to other authors however, 2 main ones that influenced my thinking- John Piper and Ron Sider have changed my perspective.

In a way, it is a mindset thing. But I cannot change my mindset back to the start. The best that I can settle for, and leaves me well at peace is that I know that God is working in this lovely church. The place that has impacted my christian life so much. And at the heart of the leadership is a love for the lost. That makes me glad to know.

Who shall I share this with?

Dear God,
And whomever that the Lord shall choose and use to speak to me. I had a wonderful emerge conference just now, at the end of it, I felt so touched by Your presence, and I think u wanted to encourage me that u understood my pain, and I need not fight no more the battles that I try to fight alone. For it is with acceptance of our own brokenness and weakness, that You-God can come and move in our lives.
As I looked at Pastor Kong ministering to the people, and also speaking a word to Pastor Abraham, I was so touched, I saw You working through the lives of the ple. I saw Your people, throughout the expo, 7000 of us, lifting up their hands to worship You. Everyone reaching out to You. Yr Holy Spirit touching their hearts, imparting dreams and visions to those young people. I really thank You, God for the ministry of Pastor and his team. Even as I look at the CG leaders I used to serve with, I know that everyone of us gave of our time, money and talents to serve You. Whether it is to skip meals or sleep etc..I know that all of us wanted to lay down our lives to serve You. And I heard Pastor Audrey share on the stage the testimony of her as a youth, leading 7 cgs while she was in VJC. That's so not easy and required dedication and devotion to You.
I also see churches that have existed for a long time. Lest I judge...but yet I see that there is really a lacking of fresh touch and revelation of You. I know that God, u have used Pastor Kong to start a new church doing a new thing, reaching out to youths in contemporary ways. A vision, U have placed in his heart for the mktplace, to use our talents, to raise up ple to be the salt and light in the mkt place. Being relevant & contemporary, that's lacking in so many churches these days. He is a bold man who is not afraid of criticisms, but following the vision You have commanded him to do.
How can I not know these things since I've been in this church for the past 8 years?
But each time I see someone wearing an Ed Hardy shirt, something stirs up within me. A few hundred dollars for a shirt? Should I judge ple for wearing those shirts? Maybe he didn't even buy it? Maybe someone gave it to him?
Everytime I think of the next church building we are going to build that costs a few hundred million, something stirs again. Can we use the money for better use? When I see glossy pamplets that would have cost much to print or the Xando coffee in the Emerge bag...I wonder, do we really need this?
Do we need makeup competitions or arm wrestling competitions?
Am I getting too critical? Legalistic? Religious?

It doesn't settle well within me...when things start getting commercialised. And I felt uncomfortable today cos Junyang, Kelly and Taufiq were invited to church to sing. They are non-christians. And that took up 1 hr? Youths waving their hands up and down for their "idol". If we went to church to hear different messages from the world, why is it that when I go to church, some of them sound so similar to motivational speeches?

God, who can I speak to? Who can I ask? How I wish for a spiritual authority over my life. Someone who is balanced, who is godly and has experienced how I feel.

Or is it that You have given different different ministries? Some to reach out to the cities-mkt place, some to the poor countries? CHC also does missions in indonesia, northeast asia etc. But everytime, I think of my life with You, I have this strong sense that it is to minister to people who are hurting, who need a lot of time/patience/love, ple who are outcasts, misunderstood, lonely. These God, are those U have impressed upon my heart to reach out to. And then to me, CHC doesn't seem like a church that really speaks to this group. CHC does teach to love and accept ple, to love others as Christ loved us. But the thing is, with the emphasis on being successful in our areas in the mktplace, looking good, being trendy. The emerge competitions of parade of schools (where the youths dance), arm wrestling, singing, sports etc., does it mean that those who don't excel in either of this will feel left out? Does it also mean an emphasis on the outward rather than the empowering from You that goes beyond our natural abilities to sing/dance or look good. Do we need slimming coffee to make us look good? Or do You, look into our hearts? And these ple who are outcasts, more than anything, want acceptance and need the message of unconditional acceptance. Not a list of must dos and nots, of how to become more spiritual etc. Those are impt, but it is also impt that they are placed in an environment of with assurance of Your values, that You don't judge according to outwardly success but look inward.

Sometimes I see among the youths, and I worry...I worry that they grow up to be christians who care more abt the outwardly than abt the inwardly. Then again, Pastor always emphasizes in his sermons that we need to pray to You, and not depend on methods or our own talents to make things work. But, does the emphasis on looking good/smart, being successful mean also that the part on being spiritual is diluted? I really don't know. I see that CHC has raised up so many christians who lay down their lives for You, God. But I've also seen youths who jump up and down during praise, and try every week to "reach out" to their friends, really seem to be following everything that Pastor preaches or their CGL teaches them to do, but don't really know You. Thats not something I can judge..whether someone knows You or not. They may have simple faith in You. They may be a group of contemporary youths who will otherwise be lost in eternity. They may need time and discipleship to truly know You.

These are my worries God. And I am afraid...to see youths wearing/aiming to buy Ed Hardy shirts, when some of them may hardly come from rich families. I am afraid sometimes to see ple with coloured hair that's gelled up in the latest fashion. Girls in their mini shirts and halter necks. Sure...those are just a matter of lifestyle. But are they good? I really don't know.

What is good and right in Your eyes, Lord? I really don't know anymore. U do use imperfect men ofcos. You do...You do speak to Your servants. Sometimes Your methods may seem strange. It may seem difficult to understand. What should I do God? I think essentially tonight You were telling me not to focus so much on wats right or wrong, cos those distract me, from the real call. The real call for my life to minister to the hurting, and so many lost in the company, my frens, ple in developing countries. So many of them God... And God, the thing is, I really want to belong to a church where I can identify with the vision, to grow with the church and be planted there. I think that right now, I am going thru a period of wilderness, where I need to seek You, be broken, be humble, and grow closer to You through Your words & affirmation. God...even if the whole world forsakes me, You will not forsake me. I really can't understand what I am going through right now. I pray You give me the grace God and faith to trust You even when I don't understand. In Jesus Name I pray, Amen!

Church

I don't even know how to begin on this post. And I hope u don't judge me, nor get stumbled after reading this. Cos it has been on my mind for the past few months, at least 8 months.

Today I went for service, and Pastor Kong shared a message on being the salt and light in the market place. It was a good message on Daniel, and how Daniel lived and dressed like the Babylonians, and he even had a babylonian name that the king gave him =Belteshazzar= Bel will protect his life. Bel was Babylon's chief god. And the three other young men likewise had pagan names like moon god and servant of god Nego. Pastor went on to talk abt how we need to engage the mkt place, that christians, must be contemporary, trendy and modern and be excellent in our mkt place. So as to be like the salt and light. Like Daniel, who won the Babylon King over, and the King turned to worship Jehovah God.

The message is sacred but the packaging is not.

I've been in CHC for the past 8 years, and I really love this church, and have grown so much spiritually in this church. Being a CGL has been a privillege, being able to minister to the ple, helping them to grow etc. The fellowship of the cgls...my close frens Ru and Jeryn, and Roy. Really enjoy their company, serving God together with them. And today when I went to find Ru at the front to pass her flowers and a card for her bday with Jeryn, it was such a warm feeling all over again. The leaders in front booking seats and yups..this rush I always felt standing in the front rows of the church, praising and worshiping God with the other leaders. Pastor Kong....always inspired me by the way he fasted and prayed and challenged us to put God first. It is in this church where I experienced the love of God, the warm touch of the Holy Spirit. And here I am today.

Thats why its so painful for me to feel this way.

Daniel...was a man God used mightily. But he didn't just behave culturally like the Babylons. To me, it speaks of salt and light, penetrating the mkt place. But Daniel, also had a strong set of beliefs, and he openly worshipped God, not in fear of persecution. Likewise Joseph in Egypt and Jesus among the jews...tho he walked and fellowshipped with them, He had deviant views on many issues from the norm.
But I believe that God doesn't just use the Daniel model, He also uses the Job model (suffering, yet praising God), the Paul model (persecuted for Christ's sake). Paul said very specifically:
1 Timothy 6:6-12 6 Now godliness with contentment is great gain. 7 For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. 8 And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. 9 But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition. 10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. 11 But you, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness.

Why is the church not preaching more on righteousness, godliness, love etc? And why is the emphasis on being successful in the mkt place? Being successful in the mkt place is a means to an end- the end being God's gospel is being preached, and there are finances to support it, and we become salt and light.
Have we gone to a new level, a higher level, and we are now talking abt mkt place and success and all that? I really don't understand...

I couldn't say the prayer together with pastor today, when he prayed, God make us more trendy, modern, prosperous etc.

We want to be all things to all men, to reach out to ple, but...
God reached out not just to the trendy, He reached out to ple who felt unwanted and unloved by society.

Being prosperous, successful, excellent. Having promotions in our careers, scoring our As and all that. If we believe in all that, then the vision to build God a hse in the mkt place, for the mkt place to penetrate the mkt place. A building that will cause a few hundred millions and looks like sydney opera house. I really struggle to identify with all that. Is that wat God calls us to be? Or can we make better use of our finances to help the poor who are suffering?

I pray everyday to God that He will open up my mind if I am being stubborn, prideful etc. But every week when I go for service, its the same message I'm getting all over again.

Pastor said before that sometimes when the church moves into a new level, ple will fall away, cos they can't follow the vision. I am hoping sincerely that I am not a person who has fallen away...and been siffed out by the devil. It pains me to write this post, and this post is as open as I can get about how I am feeling. And one of the reasons why I stepped down as a cgl.

But I really tink it is a noble cause to be serving as a cgl in church, and many of them lay down their lives for God. I just couldn't continue...not being able to flow with the vision or pass down the vision to the mbrs.

No church is perfect, but we choose a church with a vision that we can identify with. And I'm gradually seeing that I can't identify with the church's vision anymore.

Musings of a Christian (Part 2)- Prosperity vs Poverty

On Prosperity vs Poverty

We want to be more and more like God, so we need to understand God's character. Do you know that God cares for the poor and marginalised in society? In the Old Testament this theme is repeated among the prophets e.g. Amos, Isaiah and Jeremiah all address this issue. Most people think that the issues that the prophets were addressing were mainly idolatry. But the prophets covered both. God was displeased with both the worship of idols and also the oppression of the poor and marginalised.

Does God really care? (Read Ron Sider's Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger)

Let's take a look at these verses:

3 This is what the Lord says: Administer justice and righteousness. Rescue the victim of robbery from the hand of his oppressor. Don't exploit or brutalize the alien, the fatherless, or the widow. Don't shed innocent blood in this place. 4 For if you conscientiously carry out this word, then kings sitting on David's throne will enter through the gates of this palace riding on chariots and horses-they, their officers, and their people. 5 But if you do not obey these words, then I swear by Myself"-[this is] the Lord's declaration-"that this house will become a ruin."
Jeremiah 22:3-5

Why would God destroy the house of Israel? It is not only due to idolatry, but also because of oppressive systems. (Jer 22:13-17)Why did God destroy Sodom? Part of the reason was also oppression. (Isaiah 3:9-15)

Furthermore, God's commandments also cater for the poor such as the year of Jubilee to free slaves and the 7th year Sabbath of the land for the poor to eat. (Ex 23:10-11). He also commanded the Israelites not to charge interests and also not to have slaves. If you open up your heart to read the bible in this perspective, you will realise that it really does cover a lot of social justice and poverty.

In the New Testament, God's laws are applied in our hearts. Hence we may not practice the year of Jubilee any more, but the concept remains of caring for the poor, and having a desire to see social justice done. Most people don't take these readings too seriously as they feel that they are still living decently and are not oppressing people. When people speak of oppression, we have images of a wicked landlord with a moustache, pot belly and an evil grin; images of slaves with their sweaty bodies pulling carts and doing manual labour etc and not getting paid. But in the New Testament, the same theme runs through. Jesus gave some analogies on how we should treat the poor. He was not just talking about the oppressors (i.e. landlords), but I believe that the concepts He was talking about can be applicable to us (relatively rich Christians) today. He was talking about the rich who saw people who were hungry, thirsty, naked, sick etc but didn't bother to help them.

41 Then He will also say to those on the left hand, 'Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: 42 for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; 43 I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.' 44 Then they also will answer Him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?' 45 Then He will answer them, saying, 'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.' 46 And these will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life." Matthew 25:43-46 19 "There was a certain rich man who was clothed in purple and fine linen and fared sumptuously every day. 20 But there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, full of sores, who was laid at his gate, 21 desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell F112 from the rich man's table. Moreover the dogs came and licked his sores. 22 So it was that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels to Abraham's bosom. The rich man also died and was buried. 23 And being in torments in Hades, he lifted up his eyes and saw Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom. 24 Then he cried and said, 'Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus that he may dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.' 25 But Abraham said, 'Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things; but now he is comforted and you are tormented.
Luke16-19-25

There is no doubt that God is abundant in riches, the earth is the Lord's and all its riches. He is Jehovah Jireh, our provider. He is God of abundance. And He says that as we give to Him, good measure shaken together running over He will give back to us. Many times we play for blessings so that we can be "blessed to be a blessing". We must really be careful that we are good stewards of God's money. Indeed as we are blessed, we use the money that He blesses us with for His kingdom. I believe that we should all evaluate our lifestyles, whether there are certain expenses we can do without, or the latest fashion/ tech that we are chasing. Do we need these things in perspective of heaven? The truth is there is an opportunity cost for every decision we make with our money.Many of us enjoy life on earth too much that we are reluctant to go to heaven. Paul says in Galatians, to live is Christ, to die is life. He would rather go to heaven than stay here on earth. We must remember that many of the things we do here on earth are not eternal. They are merely preparation for heaven. If not, we will be looking for our rewards on earth rather than looking to the real treasures in heaven.

This is why I don't agree with the statement that as we know Christ more, we will not be poor forever. Not that I doubt God's abundance or His provision or His blessings. I have experienced that in my life for many times, especially with regards to the high salary I am getting now. But I also believe that God's promises will only be partially fulfilled here on earth. Hebrews 11 speaks of biblical heroes like Abraham who have not seen their promise being fulfilled in their lifetime, but yet that is what faith is-it is looking to God even when circumstances are opposite of His promises. The greatest news we can give to the poor is not that they will not be poor any more. The greatest news we can give them is that they may be poor here on earth but they will be rich in heaven, and that they must look to their eternal reward. I believe in helping the poor, I believe God calls us to bless them and give them hope, and here on earth, they can experience God's love. It is stupid to give an iffy concept of God's love when we don't show it with our actions, but people feel loved when their needs I met. So if I were to preach to the poor, I would demonstrate God's love by meeting their needs. I will pray for them and believe with them and give them capital and empower them to start their own business etc, because I believe in empowering the poor, in giving them hope and telling them that they can succeed in life as well too. But yet the world is fallen, and Abraham himself didn’t see God's promise being fulfilled on earth! Hence I would emphasise that they have an eternal reward that is much more important than their life here on earth.

When we tell the poor that they can be successful and be high achievers in life, how do we define success and does that equate being a high achiever? Does success equals to having lots of money, having a 5K salary and being able to drive a fancy car? Or does success mean something else in God's eyes? Are we conforming to the world's standard of success by preaching too much on being a high achiever and living a prosperous life? Romans 12 tell us not to be conformed to this world. I speak as a person from a relatively above average income family, hence I have no problems with my meals, clothes and accommodation etc. I don't wish to undermine how the poor feels. I don't wish to be philosophical and preach lofty ideas of going without food and just believing God for eternity. That's why I believe in demonstrating love through actions of giving food and money, but I think the church should challenge the mindset of the world, instead of conforming to the world's definition of success. In fact the poor need comfort that God's perspective of success is different and they would be comforted when they live in a community where there is sharing (church of Acts) as a demonstration of God's unconditional love

I believe in marketplace evangelism, that the environment we are in is our mission’s field. I am also inspired by characters like Daniel, Esther and Joseph who attained a high standing in their society and who were able to impact many lives. I have all along been blessed in my life in terms of studies and work, and I desire to impact society and that people will look at my life and see Christ in me. But all that must surely be balanced with eternity and obedience to Christ. The question is the motive. The greatest test of all is this question we ask ourselves, if we do become a high achiever and one day God calls us to give our all to Him, will we be willing? And also, how much percent of the blessings would we use to bless the poor and how much would we store up for ourselves, for our insatiable diet of gourmet, fashion and tech? And remember, we will not all end up being high achievers as I believe that being successful is merely a means to an end and not an end in itself. The chief end is that we may fulfil His calling and be part of building His kingdom on earth. And through what route would that be achieved? Who knows, maybe instead of being high achievers, we will go through much sufferings in our lives (yes God told us there will be trials and tribulations) and glorify God through our suffering. If only we would lay down our lives for each other, and then we truly glorify God through our love for each other, by living lives that are different from the world.

Musings of a Christian (Part 1) Grace Vs Legalism

I'm temporarily stopping my series on my life journey cos there are far too many things on my mind right now. And writing helps me to digest my thoughts bit by bit. So here's part 1 of the series on Musings of a Christian.

I may write a book or create online sermons if the response is good!

Enjoy!

On Grace Vs Legalism
There's a lot of attack on cheap grace. How can grace be cheap since our Saviour used His blood to pay for your sins? I don't agree that grace teaches that because we have grace, we can continue to live in sin. But instead, because we have grace, we can through the grace of God live in holiness. We need not use our own works to justify ourselves or think that God is displeased with us because of the things we have done.

The other extreme is legalism- telling people that God is pleased if we do certain things. And if we don't, we are not-doing-well, backsliding or not a good enough Christian. For example, prayer is important. But in encouraging someone to pray, we can use two approaches. The first is to tell the person as a mature Christian, he should clock 45 min everyday, and to ask him why he has not. The second approach is to tell the person that God desires to fellowship with him, and that prayer is a joyful thing, furthermore, the quality of prayer is not determined by the length of time. As he matures in Christ, this person who has been approached using the second method would enjoy prayer more, as he discovers by himself the joys of prayer rather than mechanically try and clock 45 min of his time in order to "please" God.

Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Ps 37:4

But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night.
Ps 1:2

God is most glorified when we delight in Him, and not when we are ritualistically asked to perform certain tasks. Likewise, for other issues, like praying in tongues and attending prayer meetings. These are important. But it should be out of a position of delight that we do these things. And that is the encouragement that comes from grace, we do not please God by the amount of works we do, but we simply delight in Him. And that empowers us to live a godly, holy lifestyle.

The new believer cannot, and will not delight in prayer, and hence guidance is needed to help him to understand what it means to be a Christian. Hence we encourage them to attain a "higher" spiritual level by using measurable results e.g. whether they attend bible studies, their prayer time, ministry involvement and so forth. But herein lies the danger. The believer thinks that he is very righteous because of his level of involvement in these areas, and as he matures, this justification by works mentality continues. He/she is more mature than the rest because he/she has attained the standards of a mature Christian. And one day should a Christian fail/fall in these deeds; he/she feels condemned for not being good enough in being a mature Christian. He/she also risks judging others based on their works. But the bible says that we should not again attempt to justify ourselves by law, and in so doing we are saying that the work of the cross is of no effect.

1Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free,* and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. 2 Indeed I, Paul, say to you that if you become circumcised, Christ will profit you nothing. 3 And I testify again to every man who becomes circumcised that he is a debtor to keep the whole law. 4 You have become estranged from Christ, you who attempt to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace.
Gal 5:1-4

Discipleship is very important. James would also say that we are justified by our works. But we cannot determine our righteousness based on our works, nor put bondages in people's minds that they must attain certain standards before they can truly stand righteous before God. In fact through grace, they can boldly stand before God based on Christ’s righteousness and from there bear the fruits of Spirit. First by faith then righteousness then acts, not the other way round of first acts and faith then righteousness. In fact, many Christians fall because they think that they are not good enough in the kingdom of God.

There must be balance then, in the way we go about encouraging new Christians, and not be legalistic in our approaches, or to reprimand someone for not attaining to certain standards. Sometimes, we create standards that are not commandments from the bible (though related) like someone has to "look sharp", "dress sharp", "be excited" etc. Sometimes we reprimand others for not attaining to the standard. That can be repressive and legalistic, and even risk becoming similar to the Pharisees who told the people what to do and what not to do. We must be careful to distinguish between man-made tradition/culture-commandments of men, versus what is really biblical.

2Now when they saw some of His disciples eat bread with defiled, that is, with unwashed hands, they found fault. 3 For the Pharisees and all the Jews do not eat unless they wash their hands in a special way, holding the tradition of the elders. 4 When they come from the marketplace, they do not eat unless they wash. And there are many other things which they have received and hold, like the washing of cups, pitchers, copper vessels, and couches. 5 Then the Pharisees and scribes asked Him, "Why do Your disciples not walk according to the tradition of the elders, but eat bread with unwashed hands?"

6 He answered and said to them, "Well did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written: 'This people honors Me with their lips, But their heart is far from Me. 7 And in vain they worship Me, Teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.' 8 "For laying aside the commandment of God, you hold the tradition of men*--the washing of pitchers and cups, and many other such things you do."
Mark 7:2-7

The way our churches function are heavily influenced by culture and traditions. Hence we must not be quick to judge people's level of spirituality or impose a man-made standard on them. For example, not every church raises hands while worshipping God or dances when praising God. In fact it is the culture in many traditional churches to not do so. It may also not be the culture to wear trendy clothes to church, but to wear conservatively. These are grey areas and allow for freedom of choice. (Though one may argue that lifting up of hands and dancing is biblical, and I think so too. But this is not a case of a moral right or wrong)

Even in cases where there is biblical basis for encouraging certain behaviour, one must not take the place of the Holy Spirit in instruction, but allow Him to change a person's heart. In the treatment of relationships for example, a Christian may be attached to a non-christian. He goes through heavy counseling from the leaders and is encouraged to stop this relationship. The leader should not go to the extreme of following the Christian and making sure that he/she really breaks up with his/her partner.

Church structures can then encourage or discourage legalism. It is understandable that in a large church, administration is important. Structures are needed to account for every single member in the church. Hence the cell group system is an effective way of filtering information down the church. The pastor sets the vision for the church and this vision is filtered down to the rest of the members. Unity of the church is important, and members need to stay together, follow the vision that God has placed among the leadership. However, leaders must be wise in sharing the vision to his/her sheep, to not impose a legalistic approach but allow for grace and freedom of choice. Christ-paid for our lives, but allowed us freedom in choosing Him. We don't swing to the other extreme of lawlessness for God is a holy God and we teach a life of purity and faith. But we must understand that many of us like delinquent children take time to know Him, likewise many young believers will stumble and fall before they can submit their lives to Him. But ultimately, genuine salvation/repentance is a personal and voluntary decision that they themselves must make.

2001-2002: Emotional Healing

I got back my A level results and I got AAAB and B3. I got B for literature! I was pretty sad. I was aiming for A2 for my GP and 4 As. Anyway I knew that with this, I wouldn't get my scholarship to do psychology overseas. By then, I had applied for and received offers from Nottingham, Yoke and Edinburg. They are not really the top notch ones in UK, but I liked them for their strong psychology courses. Somehow UK/Europe fascinated me. I like the architecture and castles (medival and gothic ones!), the frosty weather and the stone pavements. Maybe I romanticised it a little. My autograph books were filled with notes fr JC frens who wished me the best in psychology and that they will miss me etc etc.

At that point in time it was perhaps the first test I experienced as a christian. I was quite upset and even disappointed, even with God. But I think it challenged me and my view of God at that point in time. Would I trust Him for His timing to go overseas or not? Would I trust in His vision for me in spite of the circumstances? And also to know that His ways are higher than my ways. That was a test for me..after the golden period.

It was expensive to study overseas (esp UK) without a scholarship. And neither did I think it was worth it to spend so much on it. So I had to decide on local uni. Honestly I don't think local psychology is really good cos its a BA, Bachelor of Arts, and not a BPsych which UK offered. I didn't wanna do a arts degree with major in psych. I deliberated betw mass comm and biz, but went ahead with Biz cos of my other vision to go to the Biz world. :)

I went for orientation camp and did rag and flag etc. Initially it was quite miserable, as I can't really click with my frens. Some of the girls are really very girly. Heh. Not sure if u understand what I mean. But anyway I stayed in PGP residence for the first semester. In my first year I didn't study very hard and talked a lot on the phone. Staying in PGP was distracting with unlimited internet usage and the size of the room meant my bed was just next to my desk. Plus the phone, was next to the lap top etc.

I also joined the Varsity Christian Fellowship. They way-laid me during the matriculation fair and took down my number. I wasn't really interested but this senior-Darryl, called me and made frens with me. Darryl and I became pretty close as he was from the same church as me. And after my first visit to the VCF cg, I felt quite comfy. There were very nice ple there, and we had this buddy system, and Lizhen was my buddy! I enjoyed sharing my life and struggles with her in terms of relationships, school etc. We also did weekly readings on stuff like prayer, discipline, time etc and shared with each other. It was very comfortable sharing with Lizhen as she was always quite open about her own life, and non-judgemental towards mine. I somehow lacked that kind of sharing with my church cg ple. It was also a time of understanding ple from other churches better. Some of them don't lift their hands during worship, sometimes they sing hymms. CG sessions were facilitated and each of us took turns to lead.

Coming from City Harvest back then I had an attitude that my church was better, not dead and dry. At the start I was judgemental and in fact felt better than others there. But my opinion changed when I met many godly men and women in VCF. I was inspired from the way they lived their lives, they bore the fruit of love, joy and peace. One of the leaders then, Celia really touched me with her prayers and her earnest hunger for God, and her concern and care for the people under her.

In VCF, I was asked to lead worship for the first time in my life. I was happy. As I had shared in my previous entry, I wanted to become a cgl and hence I was glad to have the opportunity to lead. I thought of everything city harvest like. I started by sharing a verse, and then Darryl played for me. I was very self conscious, instead of worshipping, I was worrying. I lifted up my hands and sang as usual, and I was distracted cos none of the rest were not lifting their hands!

In biz sch we had to do presentations, and I did mine for the first time. I was so so nervous that my hands shook when I presented, and I stammered and my voice broke...
After that I felt terrible and I was so ANGRY with myself. And I was sharing with Lizhen at the fountain at PGP, and she prayed for me and told me not to take things to heart. I was angry cos I felt that I did not glorify God in my presentation. Over the next few weeks I realised what was the problem with me. Pastor Kong did a series on loving ourselves and loving people. He shared that God often forgives us, but it is we ourselves who can't forgive ourselves. And for the next few weeks I experienced emotional healing as I forgave myself and accepted myself for who I was.

1999-2000: The Golden Age

JC times were the happiest times in my life. I was growing much as a christian, and I liked my class a lot. They were a fun bunch to be with, and I guess we clicked. :)
In JC, my classmate Derek was a super onz christian in his own church, a youth leader and drummer, and I was pretty encouraged by him. He wanted to start a class cg, but we didn't really get to do that. Instead, we had online sharings, and I also typed some sharings on God and shared with the class.

I wrote this testimony to Pastor Kong when I was in JC2:

Dear Pastor Kong,

I am Xiaojia from N01. I would just like to share my testimony with you. :) I am currently studying in VJC and I'm in the second year. Every week, we have common test on Saturday. About three weeks ago, I was sick on Thursday and Friday and I was thinking of going for the Sunday makeup cell grp instead of my usual Firday one since I had not finished my revision. But I decided to make a stand for God, to put Him first and to trust in Him. So I went for the Friday cell grp. Praise God, as I was worshi[[ing Him during cellgrp, my fever went away! I also got back my maths results and I got 71%! I really thank God for His grace because I know given the amount of time I studied it is really impossible without Him. As for the rest of my common tests so far, I also got back my physics results and I scored 73.5%! Also thank God for my GP results. In the essay section, I usually get borderline marks like 24 or 25 out of 50, this time I scored 37/50!
I know that even as I put God first, He would bless me! In the past, I had been unwilling to give God my time as I thought that to get good results, I needed to use that tim to study. I was basing it on my own strength. But God is really good and we should depend on His strength and not that of our own.
I hope that this will encourage everyone else too. As most of us are students, there are times when we feel as if spending time with God is such a waste of time, and we just want to do things our way, stay in our comfort zone and just be a normal church going christian. We want to honour God as long as we have enough time to do our own things. But No! Even as we stretch our faith, as I have learnt this year, God will honour us in our grades!

Thanks Pastor Kong for all your sermons that have changed my life, I now hold on to things that are eternal and not things that the world chases after!

Love,
Xiaojia

In JC, I was deeply convicted that as I gave God my time, He would bless and provide for other areas of my life, esp in my studies. To me, letting go of my studies was difficult. In JC, the girls also often went out after school to watch movies or to Parkway, and I also joined the PA crew which was quite busy. But I had to make a stand to do God's things and sometimes I had to be anti-social when it came to outings. ;p I was active in church, going for bible studies and all that. I remember rushing to church in my VJC beige uniform with my clothes and shoes in my bag, and changing them to serve as an usher. I did well during my JC days, and scored good grades. God granted me favour with many of my classmates and I brought some of them to visit church.

It was then that I had a desire to become a cgl. I wanted to serve God more, and I thought that by being a cgl, I can impact even more lives! :) By then, my sister was training to be a cgl, and I was wondering when it would be my turn. In a sense, I was even jealous that she had the opportunity before me! I was also hoping to become an usher IC, though actually I didn't really enjoy ushering. I felt that it took time away during praise and worship as I had to be filling seats instead of being able to worship.

One night, I prayed to God, and very distinctly, He asked me this question, will u still serve Me if you are not a leader? And I said yes I would, and then I started to cry, cos I knew that wanting to be a leader was not just for reasons of serving God, I wanted self-glorification. And as I surrendered that to God, I knew that I was willing to serve Him without name or status to just be an usher, or to do simple follow ups for Vene. I was willing. =) Although this willingness was tested now and then. My motivations again and again. My feelings of jealousy at others rising up faster than me, becoming ICs, team leaders when I felt better than them. Questioning God when my time would come and all that. Sometimes I felt impatient. I felt that I was sidelined though I felt I was godly and ready enough. (all these which will be tested much more in latter days)

It was also in JC that God implanted dreams in my heart. Other then being a cgl, I had the desire to go overseas to study psychology. I also had this vision of myself preaching to men/women in business suits. Another vision was the vision of healing broken hearts-in this vision, people were crying before me, and I laid hands on them.

Why were these two important to me? Well firstly for the business suits. I felt that God has extremely blessed me in the area of studies and I want to shine for Him in the mkt place. I wanted to tell non-christians that God is our provider, and that instead of seeking our own worldly plans in business, we shd seek Him. In fact, christians with the power of God can be better in their businesses than non-christians with their own clever planning! I know that I can address a grp of ple who trust their own planning cos I know what that feels like. I've always been a very prideful person, proud of my academic success until I knew God and realised that these things didn't have much meaning in them. They were not the ultimate purpose. Knowing God was!

Secondly for the broken hearts. I will share more in the next post. But I know that I am more sensitive than others when it comes to emotions. I know how it feels to be lonely, depressed and negative, and its not as simple as positive self talk! We need the healing touch from God. Whenever I saw a person who was smoking, my heart felt for them and I wanted to run over and give them a hug and say that, hey, its ok, God has a future for you. And I feel extremely happy when I make someone sad happy again.

1998-early 1999: Uprooting myself

Much as I hate to admit it, I think I was a nerd. Heh. I take a school bus home from school everyday and reach home abt 3pm. And then my maid would cook lunch for me, and then I will have my lunch then go online IRC to chat!! Or sometimes I would take an afternoon nap after lunch. And then I will start on my homework. So if u ask me, my pre-christian life is nothing to exciting. I can't share the testimony that I was a street kid or drug abuser etc. who was changed by God's power. Nah...I'm just an ordinary girl who lived life even more ordinary than anyone.
My parents were strict with me. After school if I was not coming home for lunch, I would account to them where I went to. These were some rare days of going orchard with my frens or my weekly Interact Club home visitations. As such when I became a christian and wanted to go for church seminars at night or bible studies or cell group, I had to ask for permission to go. And I had to tell my parents where I was going. (I know what u are thinking..huh? So no life huh? So if u are reading this and u are 16 years old, rejoice! Haha..take heart)

So anyway I made quite a few frens in IRC. Some whom I will specially go online to chat with. I met up with some of them and went out with some of them. And I fell in "love" with someone from IRC. Heh..this guy, we talked almost everyday on the phone. :P But thank God that he already liked someone else. But from the perspective of a 16 year old, I think he was the most serious one I ever liked.

So I can't share a testimony of drug abuse. But I can share a testimony of someone lonely, who found God. And after finding God my life went on a very exciting track.

For one, I had to make a stand to go to church seminars and bible studies and cell group. And it was not easy. Church was at Tanjong Katong Road then, and sometimes church seminars will end at 10 plus and by the time I reach home at 11pm, it was considered really late beyond whatever time I had reached home. ;) My dad shouted at my sister and I, asking us not to be so superstitious please..and not to spend our time doing so much "useless" things. Whenever we reached home late from seminars, my sis and I will pray for my parents to be in good mood. We will pray all the way from the church bus stop to the 23rd floor when the lift opened. I was a very timid girl, and I hate to make people upset, and I hated those times when I got scolded. Slowly but surely, God softened their hearts and helped us as we made a stand.

Just to jump forward a bit, I remember when I was in JC that I wrote my parents a very long letter, telling them why my faith and God was important to me. I told them in the letter that believing in God doesn't mean I don't love them anymore, or that I have lost my brains and become irrational. I asked them not to worry, cos I was still sensible, and knew what I was doing. The letter was good. It helped to explain a little. :)

1998 The struggles of a new christian, cementing my faith

I got introduced to the people in the cell group. Sister Audrey was the cell group leader, and she had a few cell groups under her. Our cell group had a lot of indonesians. Me and my sis were like cinderella, after service we had to rush home cos our parents would have cooked dinner for us. And sometimes we got concession to have dinner with the cell. Yups, I know that by then I am in secondary 4 but still I was afraid of my parents. And then they didn't want me to attend cg meetings as they felt that was overcommitting to it, and I won't have time for my studies. Actually secretly I was not persuaded of going for cg every week. I didn't have much to talk about with the people. But slowly after a few months, I tried going for cg irregularly, and it became a testimony sharing that I could come for cg. They encouraged me to make a stand for my commitment to go for cg. And then slowly I felt it was good for me, and my parents became agreeable. Shortly after, Venetia became the cell group leader.

Though I was a christian, there were some issues. Firstly, I am a very logical and rational person. I don't really know how to communicate with God, and I am not sure how to confirm He exists. I hoped for signs and wonders. And day in and out, I doubted whether He existed. Vene prayed for my sis and I for tongues. When she did that, both of us began speaking it in faith. My sister said she felt currents running through her tummy, but as for me, I felt nothing. And I doubted and I always sought after such experiences, telling God that I wanted to feel Him. During cg, we also had Holy laughter where people burst into laughter cos of the infilling of the Holy Spirit. I felt nothing and tried to laugh but nothing came out. And I ended up going for altar calls many times, cos I always felt I didn't believe enough. I was angry with myself for doubting God.

I also served as an usher. In one of the services, Pastor Phil Pringle was preaching. And when we lifted up our hands to worship, for the first time I felt the presence of God. It was warm, and something touched me. I don't know what. But it did. And I was happy. I felt Him tell me that I have a future and a destiny. And He loved me. :)

I learnt how to invite God's presence. It was not to focus on when I will start feeling His presence. But it was to focus on Him, to simply love Him, and to just worship. Slowly, His presence would come in.

1995- early 1998 Receiving Christ

I made it to Raffles Girls' School with a high PSLE score and 4 A*. I was so proud and happy of myself! I wanted to go to Dunman High but my dad said since I can make it to RGS, why not try it? And I decided to go for it.
I didn't like RGS at first cos the people were very english ed, and some of them were quite proud (to me initially). But I got to know them better and I realise that they were quite nice. Though we were from different backgrounds (many of them from english ed/private primary schools) and I found it hard to click with some of them, I got to know some close frens after some time. We all had similar chinese speaking families. And I got to know my best friend Huiyun in sec 1.

In secondary 3, I had a classmate called Kristin, who invited me to visit her church/cell group outings. For quite a few times, I declined politely as I didn't feel ready to commit to going to church once a week. Until sec 3 where there was a christmas party that Kristin invited me to. I pushed back an answer but she kept asking, and on the night before I thought she would forget it, but she called me and persuaded me over the phone.

I went!

The party was held at some function room, and there were door gifts and all that. It was a combined cell group party, with at least 40 people in the room. Then there were some games and then there were christmas carols. Kristin sang! I found it quite strange that some people were lifting up their hands when they sang. And then Pastor Audrey (then Sister Audrey) started preaching and at the end, she asked who wanted to believe in God? I peeked and saw 2 hands lifted up but I didn't cos I needed time to think.

After the party, this lady called Venetia came over to talk to me. She asked me if I was a christian. I said I believe in God. (I believe that many of us were in my stage. We believe in God, but to progress further like having a commitment to go to church, thats gonna take so much courage)
Vene: Why don't you come to church next week?
XJ: Not sure leh. I want to finish reading my bible first then decide.
Vene: Many people say that, but when will you finish reading your bible?
XJ: I am reading Genesis now. Let me think about it.

I went to my first service on the week after the party. And it was a strange feeling. It was held at the old Hollywood theatre at tanjong katong. I waited for Kristin at the KFC next to the church and Vene came back and tapped my shoulder. She said Kristin was sick and wasn't coming. (I thought in my heart, Oh man, without Kristin, just me alone?) I entered the church with Vene, the place was crammed with people and the music was loud. People were clapping their hands and jumping up and down. People were lifting up hands and singing songs. I don't recall the service, but at the end, when Pastor Kong asked who wanted to receive Christ, I put up my hand and I remember clearly that Vene put her hand over my shoulder and walked with me.

I regretted my decision right after. Or maybe I reconsidered my situation. I remember sitting at the toilet bowl (heh) and asking "God" if He was real. And I deliberated, if He were real, should I start attending church regularly? Do I have time since my school is so busy? Cos of that I did not attend church for the next week. It happened that my friend asked me for Disney on Ice, and she had free tickets! So I went with her, which was really an excuse for not going to church. :P

The next week after the disney on ice, venetia called me again. I don't remember what she said to me, but it convinced me to go again. And this time I brought my sister along. And I decided to go down for the altar call again, and my sister did too!

1989-1994

When I was in early primary, my maid (domestic helper) from Philippines, Merly (oops, not sure the actual spelling) came over to work for my family. I was really close to Merly as my parents are away at work for the whole day, I spent most of my time with her. She loves to tell me stories and we have a lot of fun together. I always ran about the kitchen disturbing her, and I liked to go into her room while she was ironing and sing songs with her that were over the radio.
Merly was the first person to share with me about Christ. I don't remember her exact sharing, but she asked me if I believe in God. I said yes, and she led me in the sinners prayer. And everytime before meal time, she would ask me to say grace. She taught me how to actually. And she got me a rosary.
I remember rather vividly one night while I was lying in my bed, the reality of death hit me and I wondered where I would go if I died. What happens after my heart stopped beating? Would I disappear into thin air and from the earth? Would I still have an existence elsewhere? I cried when I thought of myself disappearing and becoming dust. And I hung on to my rosary sobbing, until Merly came into the room to assure me and hug me.
In primary school, I considered myself a christian, but I didn't attend church. Every night though, I would make a short prayer to God. The God up there, if You can hear me!! And I wanted to try out my classmate's church, but I never went about doing it.

Hi

Hi! This is a blog to share some of my thoughts and experiences as a christian. But many aspects of my spiritual journey will relate to everyday life as well! Hope u enjoy reading about my life. Heh. Though I am quite a normal, sheltered kinda person. I won't say I have a very dramatic christian life. But I do share some of the struggles that you guys may have as well. Or some of the questions about faith and about God. That is why I am starting this blog. Perhaps through reading this u will understand better why I make certain decisions now and why certain convictions are important to me. =) But secondly also I hope that my sharings will encourage you as you know you are not alone, and to challenge you in your own walk with God.