Disconnect

I'm getting married next year Jan, so with marriage comes a lot of decisions to be made, in particular on our lifestyle and the house we would be staying in. We are going to rent for two years whilst waiting for our BTO to be ready.

I come from a upper middle class family, and earn a decent pay. My current room has an adjourning toilet. In the toilet, I have 3 to 4 shower gels at one time,i.e., normal one, a scrub and a more luscious one. I have 2 shampoos at one time as I think there will be some build up in your hair to use the same shampoo in long term.. And the list goes on. I am scared of lizards and cockroaches.. Today I accidentally stepped on a baby lizard, and I didn't dare to even pick up it's corpse to throw it away.

Depending on your background u would say my lifestyle is comfortable, very comfortable etc. That's not the point I am making..to compare with different standards..

I feel a disconnect between what I share and how I live.. Since 2006 knowing about how much God cares for the poor, I have put in my mind ( or heart?) live simply so that others can simply live. I know how I live now is not simple. My role models are people like Jim Eliot who went to stay in the jungles to share Christ, Heidi Baker who went to HK and purposefully stayed in the slums so she could reach out, and then to Mozambique - poorest nation in the world.

I know the common reply is that everyone has different callings.. The other is that God loves His children, and blesses you with abundance.

Are these good reasons? are we justifying ourselves when we say that Jesus's call to disciples to not bring anything with them when they follow Him Is just a matter of focus? Or does going all out for Jesus call us to surrender all?

These questions surface in me, I feel a disconnect between how I think the ideal lifestyle should be vs how I am living.. Yet being balanced with the knowledge that I am God's daughter. I still find I need the air con when I sleep... Hmm.

The other thought that came to mind is how I have a heart for missions n people overseas.. I find it so hard to be kind to my own family members and I think I need to make more effort in sharing my life with pre believers around me.

Food for thought, and no answers for now...