Yesterday during P&D service at GB, we sang this song, and one of the lyrics was "Christ and service".
I felt a sudden lump in my throat because suddenly I understood how Christ and service linked together.
In Feb, Shir told me that I need to be broken before I can be used by God. How true.
This journey has helped me to understand what a servant is = a servant has no rights of his/her own, and he seeks to please the master.
However, being a servant is different from having a servant spirit. A pastor said, you can tell servant from servant spirit only when you're slighted. How will u react? The way to have a servant spirit is to be grateful. Everyone can be a servant because of his/her position. A servant has to work for the master, and tasked to do certain things, and one may do things in a grudging manner. But to truly have a servant spirit, one serves with thankfulness. A servant may be serving under fear, i.e. fear of how others will see him/her, while someone with a servant spirit serves with love. Truly he is not serving because he is afraid of what people will say, but serving to bless others, because he has known the love of the Master.
Then coming to servant leader- A servant leader becomes a leader so that he/she can serve others.
The leader serves with humility, meekness and submission. It is so important to be humble and broken before God. And sometimes it takes a lot of experience to break us before we learn humility. But this is different from being of low self esteemed. The leader carries an authority and boldness that comes from Christ.
It has been a difficult journey learning submission and love for others. To bless when people talk you down. To pray for the ones who slight you. To love the people who are difficult to love. Yes, it is that inner posture of the heart towards others. And yes, it is about CHRIST and SERVICE. Because Christ first came to serve and love us. And not everyone understood His love. He was taunted, stripped and beaten. But love kept Him on the cross.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Heaven
I finished C.S. Lewis's The Problem of Pain, and I liked these parts in his discourse on Heaven.
Its an insightful perspective, beyond sitting on clouds and playing harps:
(1) That yearning and desire of your soul.......that will be fulfilled in heaven....
"Again, you have stood before some landscape, which seems to embody what you have been looking for all your life; and then turned to the friend at your side who appears to be seeing what you saw- but at the first words a gulf yawns between you, and you realise that this landscape means something totally different to him, and that he is pursuing an alien vision and cares nothing for the ineffable suggestion by which you are transported...Are not all lifelong friendships born at the moment when at last you meet another human being who has some inkling (but faint and uncertain even in the best) of that something which you were born desiring, and which, beneath the flux of other desires and in all the momentary silences between the louder passions, night and day, year by year, from childhood to age, you are looking for, watching for, listening for? You have never had it. All the things that have ever deeply possessed your soul have been but hints of it- tantalising glimpses, promises never quite fulfilled, echoes that died away just as they caught your ear...It is the secret signature of each soul, the incommunicable and unappeasible want...
Your place in heaven will seem to be made for you and you alone, because you were made for it- made for it stitch by stitch as a glove is made for a hand."
(2) That needing to let go of the things you love, because if you hold on to it, you find that it becomes elusive. But when you are able to surrender, love grows. Have u ever wanted really something badly? I find that the more I try to control it, the more it evades me.
"The thing itself has never actually been embodied in any thought or image or emotion. Always it has summoned you out of yourself. And if you will not go out of yourself to follow it, if you sit down to brood on the desire and attempt to cherish it, the desire itself will evade you...The thing you long for summons you away from the self. Even the desire for the thing lives only if you abandon it. This is the ultimate law- the seed dies to live, the bread must be cast upon the waters, he that loses his soul will save it. But the life of the seed, the finding of the bread, the recovery of the soul, are as real as the preliminary sacrifice. "
Its an insightful perspective, beyond sitting on clouds and playing harps:
(1) That yearning and desire of your soul.......that will be fulfilled in heaven....
"Again, you have stood before some landscape, which seems to embody what you have been looking for all your life; and then turned to the friend at your side who appears to be seeing what you saw- but at the first words a gulf yawns between you, and you realise that this landscape means something totally different to him, and that he is pursuing an alien vision and cares nothing for the ineffable suggestion by which you are transported...Are not all lifelong friendships born at the moment when at last you meet another human being who has some inkling (but faint and uncertain even in the best) of that something which you were born desiring, and which, beneath the flux of other desires and in all the momentary silences between the louder passions, night and day, year by year, from childhood to age, you are looking for, watching for, listening for? You have never had it. All the things that have ever deeply possessed your soul have been but hints of it- tantalising glimpses, promises never quite fulfilled, echoes that died away just as they caught your ear...It is the secret signature of each soul, the incommunicable and unappeasible want...
Your place in heaven will seem to be made for you and you alone, because you were made for it- made for it stitch by stitch as a glove is made for a hand."
(2) That needing to let go of the things you love, because if you hold on to it, you find that it becomes elusive. But when you are able to surrender, love grows. Have u ever wanted really something badly? I find that the more I try to control it, the more it evades me.
"The thing itself has never actually been embodied in any thought or image or emotion. Always it has summoned you out of yourself. And if you will not go out of yourself to follow it, if you sit down to brood on the desire and attempt to cherish it, the desire itself will evade you...The thing you long for summons you away from the self. Even the desire for the thing lives only if you abandon it. This is the ultimate law- the seed dies to live, the bread must be cast upon the waters, he that loses his soul will save it. But the life of the seed, the finding of the bread, the recovery of the soul, are as real as the preliminary sacrifice. "
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Power in the secular world?
Decided to write a post before I leave for Philippines tmr. As you know by now, my other blog is usually more frivalous and updates of my life.
I've been wanting to blog about AWARE, even though as a friend pointed out, the topic has been discussed Ad nauseam. I guess I still want to put in my 2 cents worth.
I have not been reading too much about what christians or non christians have been writing in their blogs. But one particular email caught my attention, by this lady who said she was crying non-stop as she took a cab home from the AWARE EGM. She was burdened and sad about what happened at the EGM. In her email, she mentioned that the secular and religious cannot be separate because we as christians, live our lives and beliefs in the secular. And she asked, where were the young adult christians, and why didn't they stand up for Christ.
This got me thinking. The reason is, I have been telling people that the newbies are using the wrong platform to make their religious beliefs known. Upon reading the email, it provoked thoughts within me- because, it is also my belief that we do not segregate the religious and the secular as christians. We are to live as salt and light in the world. Did we miss out an opportunity to stand up for Christ? Have the Singaporean christians retreated in light of "persecution"? I always questioned if Singaporean Christians could endure persecution in light of our comfortable lives.
But amongst the complex thoughts that were within me, it dawned upon me, what I was uncomfortable with was not the platform, but it was the spirit behind which it was being done.
I was uncomfortable when emails started circulating to ask christians to make a stand and join AWARE, and support the newbies. Since when did it become a war to win or lose control?
And then after chatting with another friend, I remembered this post that I wrote long time ago on Hiding Behind the Cross. Yes we can be involved in politics and secular organizations. But as christians, we serve with love and humility- that is the power of the cross. But we have become "militant" and self righteous in our beliefs. And that was exactly the problem with the Pharisees!
No doubt well-meaning, and yes, as christians, we make a stand for our beliefs. But we ought to do it in love. And it is not about being in positions of power so that we can control. It is as Christ loved when He came, identifying with the weak.
Tim Chester - "Christian ministry is not conducted through political power or media influence. It is conducted in the upside down, unpredictable power of the cross. It is conducted through weakness and dishonour."
"The church as the church should not seek power or influence in a secular sense. Instead it should seek opportunities to serve the world. As the church follows the way of the cross, it must choose 'participation in the powerlessness of God in the world'. It stands with the weak and the powerless. It speaks on behalf of those whose voice is not heard. It seeks justice for the poor."
We are ofcos, talking about a different group from the poor. Talking about homosexuals is delicate. My stand- I believe that homosexuality, i.e. the action (sexual) is a sin- as quoted in different parts of the bible. But, homosexuality, i.e. the inclination to like someone of the same gender, is a much more complexed issue. Its more complexed than telling the person that he/she can be changed through prayer, deliverance and counseling. Because some of them struggle a lot with being different from the world, facing a lot of rejection and hurts- esp caused by the church's condemnation of them. Research has not been clear cut whether it is nature or nurture that causes one's homosexual inclination. If we do not rule out nature (i.e. because of our sin, even though in God's perfect will, He meant for us to have perfect bodies), it means that a homosexual may not be able to change in his/her inclination.
Though, when I shared this with another friend, she felt that it could not be nature, since God's commandments were against homosexuality, how could one then be created a homosexual?
I don't have the answers. But the crux of the matter is this. It is complexed, and we should not be dismissive in our attitudes. For how then do they seek God's love, if the church comes across as rejecting them? Many of them live with hurts and rejection.
Hence, we should be praying FOR them, and not praying AGAINST them. We should serve and demonstrate Christ's love. Lest we forget the plank in our own eye, and forget that we also struggle with all sorts of sins in our sinful nature.
I've been wanting to blog about AWARE, even though as a friend pointed out, the topic has been discussed Ad nauseam. I guess I still want to put in my 2 cents worth.
I have not been reading too much about what christians or non christians have been writing in their blogs. But one particular email caught my attention, by this lady who said she was crying non-stop as she took a cab home from the AWARE EGM. She was burdened and sad about what happened at the EGM. In her email, she mentioned that the secular and religious cannot be separate because we as christians, live our lives and beliefs in the secular. And she asked, where were the young adult christians, and why didn't they stand up for Christ.
This got me thinking. The reason is, I have been telling people that the newbies are using the wrong platform to make their religious beliefs known. Upon reading the email, it provoked thoughts within me- because, it is also my belief that we do not segregate the religious and the secular as christians. We are to live as salt and light in the world. Did we miss out an opportunity to stand up for Christ? Have the Singaporean christians retreated in light of "persecution"? I always questioned if Singaporean Christians could endure persecution in light of our comfortable lives.
But amongst the complex thoughts that were within me, it dawned upon me, what I was uncomfortable with was not the platform, but it was the spirit behind which it was being done.
I was uncomfortable when emails started circulating to ask christians to make a stand and join AWARE, and support the newbies. Since when did it become a war to win or lose control?
And then after chatting with another friend, I remembered this post that I wrote long time ago on Hiding Behind the Cross. Yes we can be involved in politics and secular organizations. But as christians, we serve with love and humility- that is the power of the cross. But we have become "militant" and self righteous in our beliefs. And that was exactly the problem with the Pharisees!
No doubt well-meaning, and yes, as christians, we make a stand for our beliefs. But we ought to do it in love. And it is not about being in positions of power so that we can control. It is as Christ loved when He came, identifying with the weak.
Tim Chester - "Christian ministry is not conducted through political power or media influence. It is conducted in the upside down, unpredictable power of the cross. It is conducted through weakness and dishonour."
"The church as the church should not seek power or influence in a secular sense. Instead it should seek opportunities to serve the world. As the church follows the way of the cross, it must choose 'participation in the powerlessness of God in the world'. It stands with the weak and the powerless. It speaks on behalf of those whose voice is not heard. It seeks justice for the poor."
We are ofcos, talking about a different group from the poor. Talking about homosexuals is delicate. My stand- I believe that homosexuality, i.e. the action (sexual) is a sin- as quoted in different parts of the bible. But, homosexuality, i.e. the inclination to like someone of the same gender, is a much more complexed issue. Its more complexed than telling the person that he/she can be changed through prayer, deliverance and counseling. Because some of them struggle a lot with being different from the world, facing a lot of rejection and hurts- esp caused by the church's condemnation of them. Research has not been clear cut whether it is nature or nurture that causes one's homosexual inclination. If we do not rule out nature (i.e. because of our sin, even though in God's perfect will, He meant for us to have perfect bodies), it means that a homosexual may not be able to change in his/her inclination.
Though, when I shared this with another friend, she felt that it could not be nature, since God's commandments were against homosexuality, how could one then be created a homosexual?
I don't have the answers. But the crux of the matter is this. It is complexed, and we should not be dismissive in our attitudes. For how then do they seek God's love, if the church comes across as rejecting them? Many of them live with hurts and rejection.
Hence, we should be praying FOR them, and not praying AGAINST them. We should serve and demonstrate Christ's love. Lest we forget the plank in our own eye, and forget that we also struggle with all sorts of sins in our sinful nature.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Spirit Filled Cross Life
I was so happy on Sunday night that something quite unheard of happened in the church. =P Pastor Ed talked about being filled in the Spirit. And we prayed for people to be filled in the Spirit. I felt the sweet embrace of God. But I also felt the "anointing" seems stronger in CHC, and the whole experience of worship still seems more intensed there. So was wondering if there was more...if the church should be going even deeper...and whether such worship should be a weekly affair thing during sunday service, rather than only during a special prayer meeting.
This provoked a lot of thoughts within. Pastor Ed shared that there is a difference betw Spirit giftedness and Spirit filled, that the gift of the Spirit must be cradled by the fruits of the Spirit. I have seen it going wrong all too often when our faith is shallow, and our boldness is presumptuous. What does it really mean to be Spirit filled? And how is it manifested when we are? Is it about being slained in the Spirit, feeling the warmth and crying? Or was it like Sunday night, just a sweet peace and an embrace that was felt? Part of me thinks there should be more anointing, more slaying, more supernatural etc. But that seems to be looking towards the gifts and the supernatural rather than towards God.
My friend who comes from a conservative background asked me what it feels like when someone is being filled with the Spirit. I realised what Pastor Ed meant when he said we are a bridge betw the charismatics and the conservatives. Because, maybe due to our different personalities and backgrounds, it is impossible to throw a conservative into a charismatic church and expect him to experience God in the same way. So while I think the worship is not charismatic enough, or that people should speak in tongues, or that the church should emphasise the Holy Spirit more, I realise that is due to my charismatic backgrd.
Distinctly, when I went up to pray for a deeper experience with God, I felt He said one thing- that the gift comes with a price. The price of the cross. The cross life.
Interestingly, I was listening to CHC's latest worship album, and I really liked this song:
God of my forever
God of my youth I remember
Your call on my life took me o’er
Your love has seen me through all my days
I stand here by Your grace
On this altar I’ve written my life
Tells of a story I have with You my Lord
I want the world to know
Chorus
God of my forever
And forever I’m with You
My life is saved with a price
Your sacrifice redeemed my soul
God of my forever
And forever I will sing
My greatest honor will always be
To serve my Lord and King
Verse 2
God of my all I’ve surrendered
My heart finds its rest in Your word
Praises will not be enough to show
How my love for You has grown
Nothing matters when You’re here with me
In the end just to hear You say “Well done”
Bowing before Your throne
Bridge
Forever and ever
Jesus You alone in glory reign
Forever and ever
With You I walk this narrow way
---------
And yeah, I think the song writers in CHC are really gifted with the anointing to write great lyrics and music. And these really help to draw people into worship.
But as I examined the lyrics further, some of these caught my attention:
"God of my all I’ve surrendered
My heart finds its rest in Your word"
I think nowadays, when I sing a song, other then this heartfelt emotional thing with God, I also consider what the lyrics really mean. And what does it mean to say I've surrendered...what it means my greatest love is God etc etc....
Because sometimes due to the emotional feel of the music, it is so easy to be singing along with great lyrics. But these words actually carry a lot of weight and meaning to it..
So in that sense, I really appreciate hymms too. Though the tune may be quite dull sometimes, it helps one to meditate on the lyrics.
And we may tend to be presumptuous in our singing...like Peter who told God, I will never deny You. Because he didn't understand what his promise to God really meant...and what the Cross life is really about.
This provoked a lot of thoughts within. Pastor Ed shared that there is a difference betw Spirit giftedness and Spirit filled, that the gift of the Spirit must be cradled by the fruits of the Spirit. I have seen it going wrong all too often when our faith is shallow, and our boldness is presumptuous. What does it really mean to be Spirit filled? And how is it manifested when we are? Is it about being slained in the Spirit, feeling the warmth and crying? Or was it like Sunday night, just a sweet peace and an embrace that was felt? Part of me thinks there should be more anointing, more slaying, more supernatural etc. But that seems to be looking towards the gifts and the supernatural rather than towards God.
My friend who comes from a conservative background asked me what it feels like when someone is being filled with the Spirit. I realised what Pastor Ed meant when he said we are a bridge betw the charismatics and the conservatives. Because, maybe due to our different personalities and backgrounds, it is impossible to throw a conservative into a charismatic church and expect him to experience God in the same way. So while I think the worship is not charismatic enough, or that people should speak in tongues, or that the church should emphasise the Holy Spirit more, I realise that is due to my charismatic backgrd.
Distinctly, when I went up to pray for a deeper experience with God, I felt He said one thing- that the gift comes with a price. The price of the cross. The cross life.
Interestingly, I was listening to CHC's latest worship album, and I really liked this song:
God of my forever
God of my youth I remember
Your call on my life took me o’er
Your love has seen me through all my days
I stand here by Your grace
On this altar I’ve written my life
Tells of a story I have with You my Lord
I want the world to know
Chorus
God of my forever
And forever I’m with You
My life is saved with a price
Your sacrifice redeemed my soul
God of my forever
And forever I will sing
My greatest honor will always be
To serve my Lord and King
Verse 2
God of my all I’ve surrendered
My heart finds its rest in Your word
Praises will not be enough to show
How my love for You has grown
Nothing matters when You’re here with me
In the end just to hear You say “Well done”
Bowing before Your throne
Bridge
Forever and ever
Jesus You alone in glory reign
Forever and ever
With You I walk this narrow way
---------
And yeah, I think the song writers in CHC are really gifted with the anointing to write great lyrics and music. And these really help to draw people into worship.
But as I examined the lyrics further, some of these caught my attention:
"God of my all I’ve surrendered
My heart finds its rest in Your word"
I think nowadays, when I sing a song, other then this heartfelt emotional thing with God, I also consider what the lyrics really mean. And what does it mean to say I've surrendered...what it means my greatest love is God etc etc....
Because sometimes due to the emotional feel of the music, it is so easy to be singing along with great lyrics. But these words actually carry a lot of weight and meaning to it..
So in that sense, I really appreciate hymms too. Though the tune may be quite dull sometimes, it helps one to meditate on the lyrics.
And we may tend to be presumptuous in our singing...like Peter who told God, I will never deny You. Because he didn't understand what his promise to God really meant...and what the Cross life is really about.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Listening to God's Call
I went to a talk by a missionary couple on Sunday, and something that the speaker said stuck me-
He said people don't leave the missions field because they have heard the wrong calling. Sometimes it is not because of wrong calling, but because of our immaturity. Inability to handle hardship, and challenges. We face even more spiritual warfare on the missions field. And we must pray that we will only leave when God calls us to leave.
Another thing-
People don't pray about becoming engineers or doctors. Society says that these are possible paths to take, and so we just study engineering in the university.
Why do people then pray about becoming missionaries? The truth is that whatever route we choose to take, we must be called. If people will really listen, much more people are called to go into the missions field. Its not because God hasn't called, it is because people are not listening.
Would God fault you for doing something voluntary for Him? i.e. saving souls in the missions field?
-------------------------------
It was quite thought provoking listening. And thought that perhaps I should start asking and praying again about the future. I'm on a 2 year contract here, and I've finished 9 mths plus. Not sure what's next.
The question again is about the general calling vs the specific calling.
General calling being- Go forth and make disciples of all the nations. God has already called.
vs the Specific calling of where to go, what to do, when to go etc.
With God's blessing of a wonderful gift recently, I am thinking if he may indeed be leading me towards being based in the missions field.
May we have the courage to pursue what He called us to do.
He said people don't leave the missions field because they have heard the wrong calling. Sometimes it is not because of wrong calling, but because of our immaturity. Inability to handle hardship, and challenges. We face even more spiritual warfare on the missions field. And we must pray that we will only leave when God calls us to leave.
Another thing-
People don't pray about becoming engineers or doctors. Society says that these are possible paths to take, and so we just study engineering in the university.
Why do people then pray about becoming missionaries? The truth is that whatever route we choose to take, we must be called. If people will really listen, much more people are called to go into the missions field. Its not because God hasn't called, it is because people are not listening.
Would God fault you for doing something voluntary for Him? i.e. saving souls in the missions field?
-------------------------------
It was quite thought provoking listening. And thought that perhaps I should start asking and praying again about the future. I'm on a 2 year contract here, and I've finished 9 mths plus. Not sure what's next.
The question again is about the general calling vs the specific calling.
General calling being- Go forth and make disciples of all the nations. God has already called.
vs the Specific calling of where to go, what to do, when to go etc.
With God's blessing of a wonderful gift recently, I am thinking if he may indeed be leading me towards being based in the missions field.
May we have the courage to pursue what He called us to do.
Friday, February 13, 2009
God loves you a lot
Today I had a meeting with an artist who is doing some paintings for us for fund raising. As we were talking, he started speaking to me and said I have dirty laundry that I need to clean. Things are very messy. And there are also choked pipes in my life. Then he described my situation in the office, that I always care about others and not about myself. I end up being on the receiving end. God knows what is going on & God cares. I started tearing as he talked, cos it was something so personal to me. And even now as I recount, tears are also welling up in my eyes. He went on to say there was an angel behind me comforting me.
Just 2 nights ago, I prayed and asked God- where are You? He has answered this prayer of mine with a very clear answer from his messenger.
As we left the meeting, he said- "God loves you a lot. God loves you a lot."
Just 2 nights ago, I prayed and asked God- where are You? He has answered this prayer of mine with a very clear answer from his messenger.
As we left the meeting, he said- "God loves you a lot. God loves you a lot."
Saturday, January 31, 2009
All yearnings lead us back to God
I am kind of happy cos I reached a mini plateau of sorts. :DEverything that happened in the past kind of now make sense. How the people I met, the experiences I had- all link up together.All the yearnings and longings I had. All the people I met in different seasons of my life. Thank God for bringing them into my life. And even if some episodes were painful, I understand now what I was really looking for.I was looking for God. All the longings point back to the yearning for God. His gentleness, His mercy, His love, His kindness, His understanding. =)
I was reading this book - Love Beyond Reason. It highlighted this verse in Romans:"For creation was subjected to futility, not of its own will but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and will obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God"
John Ortberg said: "God knew that after the Fall we would try to set up other gods, try to give our lives to the pursuit of pleasure or wealth or power or status. So he said that one of the results of the Fall would be that none of these things would be able to bring us 'soul satisfaction'."
Actually...all my yearnings lead me to God.
I had an amazing experience yesterday. The night before I was praying and God showed me what was in my heart. The next day, Shir smsed me and asked me what I really wanted.
Told her I just want to love Jesus.
I teared cos I knew God remembered me. And I am the bride of Christ.
This is really a season of loving the Lord my God with all my heart, soul and mind =)
Friday, January 23, 2009
How to Love the unLoved
Something else clicked after a chat with a friend on thursday- the reason we have a heart for the poor, may not necessarily be a calling. But the poor and oppressed help us know the heart of God.
That which touches my heart is not- how this person has such a heart and burden for the poor. I admire that. But I am moved to tears when I see people sacrificially ministering His love because I see God through them. Only God would stir these hearts to love in such a manner and it is His mighty hand and sovereign plan, but yet we partner with Him to implement change. I capture the love of God when a person would love despite being rejected. That one would sit at the streets and be with the poor because God Himself is sitting at the streets with them daily, reaching out His hand to them. A person would risk his life for the gospel to preach in unreached places, learn unknown languages, because of the love He inspired in the heart. God first laid down His life for His sheep. He did it first, for everyone.
It is not humanely possible to identify with people, and not put them down at a lower level. In order to move from sympathy to pure genuine love, is when we are captivated by the heart of God. Then we love out of love that overflows from the Master.
What happened was not that He suddenly gave me a heart for the poor. What happened was I caught His heart for the poor.
It is the same for loving people who are different from us, loving different races, loving our neighbours. We love because He first loved.
That which touches my heart is not- how this person has such a heart and burden for the poor. I admire that. But I am moved to tears when I see people sacrificially ministering His love because I see God through them. Only God would stir these hearts to love in such a manner and it is His mighty hand and sovereign plan, but yet we partner with Him to implement change. I capture the love of God when a person would love despite being rejected. That one would sit at the streets and be with the poor because God Himself is sitting at the streets with them daily, reaching out His hand to them. A person would risk his life for the gospel to preach in unreached places, learn unknown languages, because of the love He inspired in the heart. God first laid down His life for His sheep. He did it first, for everyone.
It is not humanely possible to identify with people, and not put them down at a lower level. In order to move from sympathy to pure genuine love, is when we are captivated by the heart of God. Then we love out of love that overflows from the Master.
What happened was not that He suddenly gave me a heart for the poor. What happened was I caught His heart for the poor.
It is the same for loving people who are different from us, loving different races, loving our neighbours. We love because He first loved.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Held by His grace
Last thursday we had devotions at work, and I it was my turn to lead it. I didn't know what to share about, but remembered Pastor Edmund's msg on New Year's day at the City Solemn assembly about victory, and standing in God given land, not living in defeat. And what God had spoken personally to me, about sin and how it hindered us from intimacy with Him.
I closed in prayer, and suddenly felt led to pray for my colleague who was going for an op. After that during lunch, she told me she had wanted to ask for prayers abt the op, but didn't. And she was so touched that I prayed for her that she cried! And she and some other colleagues said the devotion was good.
Thank God for such a divine appointment, though not a big matter, it has certainly helped to open doors and pave the way for more unity and love between us in the office. I am thankful.
Thankful for my friendship esp with Mun in the office, as I find that there is a breakthrough, i.e. I can be myself and laugh heartily and sometimes be the silly girl that I really am on the inside.
Thankful that on Tues, I had dinner with him, 2 other ex colleagues, and Jo who is based in Cambodia for 2 years and back for a break. Oh surely God has granted me favour with these and helped me thru my difficult time. It is as what He had spoken to me in Kalimantan-
2 Corinthians1:8
"8 For we do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, of our trouble which came to us in Asia: that we were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life. 9 Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead, 10 who delivered us from so great a death, and does* deliver us; in whom we trust that He will still deliver us..."
I am so humbled in the past 8 months, and continue to be so humbled, bcos I feel so totally inadequate, and it is only God who has delivered me. Yet I feel that I am walking in His will. And at other times, He seems so silent, but I see such grace and open doors with people and situations that I know it is He who has delivered.
I could identify with Loren Cunningham in his book that I'm reading now, so kindly given by Ed, Is that really you God? He said this "God was giving us a chance to give greater honor to Him by letting our dream die so that He could resurrect it". In choosing betw God, and the ship (= the dream and vision that God had given him), he chose God. He chose to let the dream die.
I've not reached the part whereby the dream is resurrected yet. But therein lies an impt principle- that God is more concerned with our intimacy and our walk with Him, than with the success of our ministries. I rather choose God than the ministry.
In the months that follow, God seemed silent to Loren.
In the months that follow my rejection of the World Vision job, God seemed silent, and it was painful, when I had clearly heard of His call through His word and affirmation from others.
In the months that follow my starting work at GB, though it was very clearly a door opened by God, God seemed silent.
But yet in all these, I know...He is drawing me near to Him, bcos He is more concerned about setting me free, for me to be His daughter than He is with the ministry.
So yes, I see Grace. And I am upheld by His grace, and His mighty hand is upon me every step.
Thank you Lord.
I closed in prayer, and suddenly felt led to pray for my colleague who was going for an op. After that during lunch, she told me she had wanted to ask for prayers abt the op, but didn't. And she was so touched that I prayed for her that she cried! And she and some other colleagues said the devotion was good.
Thank God for such a divine appointment, though not a big matter, it has certainly helped to open doors and pave the way for more unity and love between us in the office. I am thankful.
Thankful for my friendship esp with Mun in the office, as I find that there is a breakthrough, i.e. I can be myself and laugh heartily and sometimes be the silly girl that I really am on the inside.
Thankful that on Tues, I had dinner with him, 2 other ex colleagues, and Jo who is based in Cambodia for 2 years and back for a break. Oh surely God has granted me favour with these and helped me thru my difficult time. It is as what He had spoken to me in Kalimantan-
2 Corinthians1:8
"8 For we do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, of our trouble which came to us in Asia: that we were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life. 9 Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead, 10 who delivered us from so great a death, and does* deliver us; in whom we trust that He will still deliver us..."
I am so humbled in the past 8 months, and continue to be so humbled, bcos I feel so totally inadequate, and it is only God who has delivered me. Yet I feel that I am walking in His will. And at other times, He seems so silent, but I see such grace and open doors with people and situations that I know it is He who has delivered.
I could identify with Loren Cunningham in his book that I'm reading now, so kindly given by Ed, Is that really you God? He said this "God was giving us a chance to give greater honor to Him by letting our dream die so that He could resurrect it". In choosing betw God, and the ship (= the dream and vision that God had given him), he chose God. He chose to let the dream die.
I've not reached the part whereby the dream is resurrected yet. But therein lies an impt principle- that God is more concerned with our intimacy and our walk with Him, than with the success of our ministries. I rather choose God than the ministry.
In the months that follow, God seemed silent to Loren.
In the months that follow my rejection of the World Vision job, God seemed silent, and it was painful, when I had clearly heard of His call through His word and affirmation from others.
In the months that follow my starting work at GB, though it was very clearly a door opened by God, God seemed silent.
But yet in all these, I know...He is drawing me near to Him, bcos He is more concerned about setting me free, for me to be His daughter than He is with the ministry.
So yes, I see Grace. And I am upheld by His grace, and His mighty hand is upon me every step.
Thank you Lord.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Welcome 2009
Went for the Solemn Assembly today to pray for the city on the 1/1/09. God's work spoke to me. Pastor Ed reminded us "victory is mine, when the battle is the Lord's", so we are to Make a decisive stand on God given ground for a God given victory.
In order to prevent presumptuousness, we tend to swing to the other extreme, thinking that we are to live in survival mode. But wow, God has already won the battle, and He has given us ground. This was really the crux for me, I think there was some sort of a break through.
I had to repent of my small mindedness in God. Repent of being so distracted by so many things. My heart is so unrested. Yesterday at my first watchnight service with the RAYS, I prayed to God, but still felt unrested. It was only today, whereby He showed me this whole verse. It answered my ques on where's that sense of JOY.
Psalm 51
For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ;
you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are [c] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
Some say because Jesus has bore our sins past present and future on the cross, we do not need to seek repentance. But I think we repent before God not because Jesus's work is not complete. Rather, there remains a chasm between God and ourselves, when there is sin, that affects the intimacy between us. Even if I were to confess my righteousness before Him, something is not right on the inside. He desires truth on the inward parts.
I think that God is calling me to come back to this heart of worship. And I pray that He may be my all sufficiency and satisfy the longings in my heart.
In order to prevent presumptuousness, we tend to swing to the other extreme, thinking that we are to live in survival mode. But wow, God has already won the battle, and He has given us ground. This was really the crux for me, I think there was some sort of a break through.
I had to repent of my small mindedness in God. Repent of being so distracted by so many things. My heart is so unrested. Yesterday at my first watchnight service with the RAYS, I prayed to God, but still felt unrested. It was only today, whereby He showed me this whole verse. It answered my ques on where's that sense of JOY.
Psalm 51
For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ;
you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are [c] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
Some say because Jesus has bore our sins past present and future on the cross, we do not need to seek repentance. But I think we repent before God not because Jesus's work is not complete. Rather, there remains a chasm between God and ourselves, when there is sin, that affects the intimacy between us. Even if I were to confess my righteousness before Him, something is not right on the inside. He desires truth on the inward parts.
I think that God is calling me to come back to this heart of worship. And I pray that He may be my all sufficiency and satisfy the longings in my heart.
Took a walk at the beach today. There was a light drizzle, but it was soothing and peaceful sitting there as usual, committing the year to God.
A faint rainbow marked the horizons.
It was rainy, but there was light on top of me. :)
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Thanksgiving 2008
Thank God for (very summarised):
Family-
Miraculous change in my parents attitude towards me working in an NGO!
Parents getting more involved in church ministry
Mum starting a blog to tell others about God!
Spiritual Growth-
Fear of the Lord and not of men (still work in progress...)
I can't but God can. It is God who delivers and will deliver again
The Father heart of God, Jesus who understands my pain and sympathizes with my weaknesses
God is the healer of my broken heart- Jesus Himself came and heal up the wounds in my heart
Ministry-
Introduction to GBG ministry and radical community!
God in the dark alleys
God is the one who works in the lives of the people- when the mighty humble themselves! Saw how He moved and changed the hearts of my DG members
Work-
It was humbling. Through criticisms and different working styles, I was forced to find my identity- I needed to know who I am in Christ.
In the midst of uncertainty and seemingly impossible situations, I needed to know God's identity- who is God?
He is the God of justice. The God who will provide! And He is the intimate Father God.
And I am His child, secure in Him. Created in the way He made me to be.
Family-
Miraculous change in my parents attitude towards me working in an NGO!
Parents getting more involved in church ministry
Mum starting a blog to tell others about God!
Spiritual Growth-
Fear of the Lord and not of men (still work in progress...)
I can't but God can. It is God who delivers and will deliver again
The Father heart of God, Jesus who understands my pain and sympathizes with my weaknesses
God is the healer of my broken heart- Jesus Himself came and heal up the wounds in my heart
Ministry-
Introduction to GBG ministry and radical community!
God in the dark alleys
God is the one who works in the lives of the people- when the mighty humble themselves! Saw how He moved and changed the hearts of my DG members
Work-
It was humbling. Through criticisms and different working styles, I was forced to find my identity- I needed to know who I am in Christ.
In the midst of uncertainty and seemingly impossible situations, I needed to know God's identity- who is God?
He is the God of justice. The God who will provide! And He is the intimate Father God.
And I am His child, secure in Him. Created in the way He made me to be.
Thursday, December 04, 2008
What is faith all about?
My sis passed me a copy of Harvest Times to read, it happened to have a lot of features on missions and humanitarian work that CHC was doing. I was glad to read it, to hear the expanding ministries and I celebrate the wonderful things that God has been doing through the ministry. :) A teeny whiney part of me misses that kind of faith that I found in the church, to believe God for anything, to pray boldly in the Spirit, to worship God in tongues, to see visions and signs and wonders. Afterall, our God is still alive, and shdn't we be in expectancy of His great works?
The balance me now has learnt of "presumptuous faith" and suffering. With that in mind, I know that even in the most difficult seasons whereby there is seemingly little or no growth, God is still at work and He is sovereign. He has His reasons for not allowing certain things to happen, and He has His timings at work.
So how does the balance me operate with that FAITH bit, that believes and asks and receives? Sometimes I miss just that sense of being so presumptuous and bold.
Balance me has helped me a lot though, in terms of disappointments. That it is not altogether always celebratory.
I find myself asking though- Where is that joy? That sense of expectancy...that sense of faith in God?
Don't get me wrong balance is not faithlessness.
Yet there is a need for myself to reconcile all that is happening in my life & in the world.
To have that sense of faith and expectancy.
The balance me now has learnt of "presumptuous faith" and suffering. With that in mind, I know that even in the most difficult seasons whereby there is seemingly little or no growth, God is still at work and He is sovereign. He has His reasons for not allowing certain things to happen, and He has His timings at work.
So how does the balance me operate with that FAITH bit, that believes and asks and receives? Sometimes I miss just that sense of being so presumptuous and bold.
Balance me has helped me a lot though, in terms of disappointments. That it is not altogether always celebratory.
I find myself asking though- Where is that joy? That sense of expectancy...that sense of faith in God?
Don't get me wrong balance is not faithlessness.
Yet there is a need for myself to reconcile all that is happening in my life & in the world.
To have that sense of faith and expectancy.
Friday, November 07, 2008
The Lord is my Shepherd
I was listening to Dennis Jernigan's The Lord is my Shepherd.
The Lord being my Shepherd gave new meaning to me..
As I experienced lying down in green pastures and my soul being restored. In spite of the physical tiredness. =) A peace amidst the stress.
Words by: King David (scripture adaptation by D.J.)
Music: Dennis Jernigan
The Lord is my Shepherd
I shall not want
He makes me lie down,
down in green pastures
He leads me beside quiet waters
He restoreth my soul
O how he guides me in the paths,
paths of His wonderful righteousness all,
All for His names' sake
Even though I may walk
through the valley of death
I shall not fear
For Thou are with me-For Thou are with me
And You have lifted me up in the
midst of my enemies
I shall not fear
For Thou art with me-Thou art with me
Thy rod and Thy staff,
how they comfort me
Annointing my head with Thine oil
Oil of Thy love, oil of Thy power...
My cup overflows
Surely thy goodness and mercy
shall follow my days
All of my life...
Thou art with me-Thou art with me
And I will dwell in Thine in
Thy holy light in Thine arms forever
Thou art with me-Thou art with me
The Lord being my Shepherd gave new meaning to me..
As I experienced lying down in green pastures and my soul being restored. In spite of the physical tiredness. =) A peace amidst the stress.
Words by: King David (scripture adaptation by D.J.)
Music: Dennis Jernigan
The Lord is my Shepherd
I shall not want
He makes me lie down,
down in green pastures
He leads me beside quiet waters
He restoreth my soul
O how he guides me in the paths,
paths of His wonderful righteousness all,
All for His names' sake
Even though I may walk
through the valley of death
I shall not fear
For Thou are with me-For Thou are with me
And You have lifted me up in the
midst of my enemies
I shall not fear
For Thou art with me-Thou art with me
Thy rod and Thy staff,
how they comfort me
Annointing my head with Thine oil
Oil of Thy love, oil of Thy power...
My cup overflows
Surely thy goodness and mercy
shall follow my days
All of my life...
Thou art with me-Thou art with me
And I will dwell in Thine in
Thy holy light in Thine arms forever
Thou art with me-Thou art with me
Monday, October 13, 2008
找自己
Got back from Indonesia today about 1045pm. =) It was a very tight trip, and I was stressed before and during the trip. But one gem of a thing, I managed to have very good fellowship time with my boss- the president. I am so immensely thankful, being able to open up to her abt my challenges at work, and giving her feedback abt certain things, and having her tell me her expectations abt diff things. I'm glad we cld talk freely.
We stayed in the village for one night, it was something new for me...in a sense..I've stayed in other villagers before in China. But this time the roads were really near, and our neighbouring houses near to us. I cld see fr my window villagers chatting outside in the night, hear the honking of cars, and the blasting of music from vehicles and so on. It was a little scary in fact. The curtains were like flimsy pieces of cloth that din even cover the village house fully.
This morning we went to a small church, and as I was singing the second worship song, tears begin to flow down my eyes. Didn't know what touched me, the song was in Bahasa Indonesian, and I didn't understand a word....but I felt there was such a hunger for God in the place. And at the airport, my boss said she also teared at the same time, and it was about "intercession". Wow, the word exactly captured how I felt at that time.
Honestly, I do not feel a lot for Indonesia. The only country thus far that I "feel" a lot for is China. It reminds me a bit of what my fren said, he says he doesn't feel particularly for the marginalized, he doesn't even know what is his calling, he is just doing what the bible calls him to do. I think so. I am just doing what the bible says to do. And catching a glimpse here and there of God's heart for His people.
I need to find back myself....today we had such an open conversation, that I shared w my boss how I gave up bonuses that cld come up to 12mths, to join GB. I didn't say it to show off or to impress her, neither did I share it with regret. It was more like sharing my heart with her. There's layers covering my heart, and I need to dig deeper on the inside, what I really think about things, who I really am...
I think I may not end up being a missionary based in the third world, the greater measure is not that. The measure is our obedience to God's calling, following passionately after Him. Not what we can do FOR Him, but what we can do WITH Him, abiding in Him. Honestly I find it tough to tell God- Yr will Lord. Or to tell Him that I am willing, send me. I find it increasingly tough to pray and sing such words. If we really are willing, it takes a lot to be following after Christ.
Yah...I think I need to find back myself, and who He has created me to be. For only then I will be happy in Him, happy with myself....And not live in fears abt other people's expectations, or hurrying myself to be doing things I can't do....
We stayed in the village for one night, it was something new for me...in a sense..I've stayed in other villagers before in China. But this time the roads were really near, and our neighbouring houses near to us. I cld see fr my window villagers chatting outside in the night, hear the honking of cars, and the blasting of music from vehicles and so on. It was a little scary in fact. The curtains were like flimsy pieces of cloth that din even cover the village house fully.
This morning we went to a small church, and as I was singing the second worship song, tears begin to flow down my eyes. Didn't know what touched me, the song was in Bahasa Indonesian, and I didn't understand a word....but I felt there was such a hunger for God in the place. And at the airport, my boss said she also teared at the same time, and it was about "intercession". Wow, the word exactly captured how I felt at that time.
Honestly, I do not feel a lot for Indonesia. The only country thus far that I "feel" a lot for is China. It reminds me a bit of what my fren said, he says he doesn't feel particularly for the marginalized, he doesn't even know what is his calling, he is just doing what the bible calls him to do. I think so. I am just doing what the bible says to do. And catching a glimpse here and there of God's heart for His people.
I need to find back myself....today we had such an open conversation, that I shared w my boss how I gave up bonuses that cld come up to 12mths, to join GB. I didn't say it to show off or to impress her, neither did I share it with regret. It was more like sharing my heart with her. There's layers covering my heart, and I need to dig deeper on the inside, what I really think about things, who I really am...
I think I may not end up being a missionary based in the third world, the greater measure is not that. The measure is our obedience to God's calling, following passionately after Him. Not what we can do FOR Him, but what we can do WITH Him, abiding in Him. Honestly I find it tough to tell God- Yr will Lord. Or to tell Him that I am willing, send me. I find it increasingly tough to pray and sing such words. If we really are willing, it takes a lot to be following after Christ.
Yah...I think I need to find back myself, and who He has created me to be. For only then I will be happy in Him, happy with myself....And not live in fears abt other people's expectations, or hurrying myself to be doing things I can't do....
Friday, October 03, 2008
A story of incarnate love
Although I had visited the clinic and knew the ministry there since abt 4 mths back, I had not mustered enough courage to "walk the streets" as they call it. To befriend, talk to and pray for the people.
The house church is located at Geylang Road, where they pray and meet daily. On Wednesdays, they have a worship time and then they walk the streets. After worshipping for abt an hr odd, we went to the street in 2 grps.
I went with a grp of about 8 to the "Indian" streets, unsure of what was to happen. We squeezed past crowds of migrant workers, walked past a street of gambling tables ( I swear I only saw those in HK TV dramas). Along the streets were rows of women standing/ sitting down. We came to a grp of ladies, and someone asked if they wanted prayer. They said yes, and another embraced one of them, and another held another's hand. And before long, we were all standing in the circle, in the middle of the dark dinky alley- Praying.
Jesus was there though. I felt like He was walking with us in the streets. He wasn't just there when we walked. He was there, walking with them daily.
I asked S if she wanted prayer. She hugged me and laid her head on my shoulders. I thought she didn't understand, and asked again. Again, she hugged me. I prayed for her- for healing, for God's love. And at the end of the prayer, I asked her to call to Jesus, to tell Jesus what is in her heart. Soon after she said she gotto go, as there was business coming. It stirred my heart with a mixture of feelings.
But I knew Jesus loved each one of these. The bible came alive as I read Isaiah that night when I got home- of healing broken hearts, of setting the captives free, of bringing light into the darkness. There it was, in the dark alleys, incarnate love. Jesus walked and fellowshipped with the tax collectors and the prostitutes on earth. Jesus came to die for these ones. God wants to redeem these lives, each woman created uniquely and beautifully in His image.
I have a feeling that this is how christianity is meant to be. Christianity, according to the bible, is radical.
The house church is located at Geylang Road, where they pray and meet daily. On Wednesdays, they have a worship time and then they walk the streets. After worshipping for abt an hr odd, we went to the street in 2 grps.
I went with a grp of about 8 to the "Indian" streets, unsure of what was to happen. We squeezed past crowds of migrant workers, walked past a street of gambling tables ( I swear I only saw those in HK TV dramas). Along the streets were rows of women standing/ sitting down. We came to a grp of ladies, and someone asked if they wanted prayer. They said yes, and another embraced one of them, and another held another's hand. And before long, we were all standing in the circle, in the middle of the dark dinky alley- Praying.
Jesus was there though. I felt like He was walking with us in the streets. He wasn't just there when we walked. He was there, walking with them daily.
I asked S if she wanted prayer. She hugged me and laid her head on my shoulders. I thought she didn't understand, and asked again. Again, she hugged me. I prayed for her- for healing, for God's love. And at the end of the prayer, I asked her to call to Jesus, to tell Jesus what is in her heart. Soon after she said she gotto go, as there was business coming. It stirred my heart with a mixture of feelings.
But I knew Jesus loved each one of these. The bible came alive as I read Isaiah that night when I got home- of healing broken hearts, of setting the captives free, of bringing light into the darkness. There it was, in the dark alleys, incarnate love. Jesus walked and fellowshipped with the tax collectors and the prostitutes on earth. Jesus came to die for these ones. God wants to redeem these lives, each woman created uniquely and beautifully in His image.
I have a feeling that this is how christianity is meant to be. Christianity, according to the bible, is radical.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Four Loves
"Need-love cries to God from our poverty; Gift-love longs to serve, or even to suffer for, God; Appreciative love says: 'We give thanks to thee for thy great glory.'
Need-love says of a woman 'I cannot live without her'; Gift-love longs to give her happiness, comfort, protection- if possible, wealth; Appreciative love gazes and holds its breath and is silent, rejoices that such a wonder should exist even if not for him, will not be wholly dejected by losing her, would rather have it so than never to have seen her at all."
- C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
Thankful for being able to experience Gift Love and Appreciative Love. Though when one loves, I think we cannot escape fr having some form of Need-Love. Somehow, maybe, it is inevitable. Cos if one just gives and appreciates, then there is no need for the person, and it is quite sad isn't it! But wow, being able to release someone in love, to just hold the person in appreciation, and to give of oneself for the better of other. =P
Need-love says of a woman 'I cannot live without her'; Gift-love longs to give her happiness, comfort, protection- if possible, wealth; Appreciative love gazes and holds its breath and is silent, rejoices that such a wonder should exist even if not for him, will not be wholly dejected by losing her, would rather have it so than never to have seen her at all."
- C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
Thankful for being able to experience Gift Love and Appreciative Love. Though when one loves, I think we cannot escape fr having some form of Need-Love. Somehow, maybe, it is inevitable. Cos if one just gives and appreciates, then there is no need for the person, and it is quite sad isn't it! But wow, being able to release someone in love, to just hold the person in appreciation, and to give of oneself for the better of other. =P
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Synergy in Mission Organizations
I found this website on the progress of the Gospel in the world. It shows the percentage of peoples group still unreached at 41.3%. Joshua Project
(Unreached = A people group among which there is no indigenous community of believing Christians with adequate numbers and resources to evangelize this people group. The original Joshua Project editorial committee selected the critieria less than 2% Evangelical Christian and less than 5% Christian Adherents.)
There's quite a lot of useful info in the website. Amazes me on the depth of research and the amt of thought that went into this.
Through my job and others, I've come across many missions agencies and churches who are passionate about reaching the lost, and also came across many christian agencies with a social mission. This is definitely very edifying and encouraging. =)
My 2 cents worth of thought- some of these organizations should combine effort instead of re-inventing the wheel. How powerful it will be if there was synergy. Like for example World Vision & Compassionate are good at child sponsorship programmes, YWAM is good at missions training, Habitat is good at building houses for the poor, each one having the expertise to complement one another...and so on and so forth, likewise in the field of medical missions, micro businesses etc. :P Sometimes the organization may not be present in a certain area of the world and u have to do some re-invention. But in cases where partnership is possible, there's so much synergy that can be harnessed from it.
Chking motives is impt, like why are we starting this thing, can we partner with someone else who has the expertise, and is our motivation really to benefit the community or to expand our territory of influence? Doesn't make sense that the social sector already has very few resources for us to be competing with each other for resources.
Though I must say, starting my own organization has been on my mind on and off. Check check check....is it cos I can't submit to authority? Do I really have something that I can offer that is not already available in the mkt? I must admit though, that having my own organization allows more flexibility and control over the vision and mission.
Ajith Fernando in his book Jesus Driven Ministry, says he grows uneasy when people say they want to have their ministry in every city of our nation or in every country in Asia. Rather, the one with godly ambition should pray that if "someone else does what we were hoping to do, we will be satisfied."
(Unreached = A people group among which there is no indigenous community of believing Christians with adequate numbers and resources to evangelize this people group. The original Joshua Project editorial committee selected the critieria less than 2% Evangelical Christian and less than 5% Christian Adherents.)
There's quite a lot of useful info in the website. Amazes me on the depth of research and the amt of thought that went into this.
Through my job and others, I've come across many missions agencies and churches who are passionate about reaching the lost, and also came across many christian agencies with a social mission. This is definitely very edifying and encouraging. =)
My 2 cents worth of thought- some of these organizations should combine effort instead of re-inventing the wheel. How powerful it will be if there was synergy. Like for example World Vision & Compassionate are good at child sponsorship programmes, YWAM is good at missions training, Habitat is good at building houses for the poor, each one having the expertise to complement one another...and so on and so forth, likewise in the field of medical missions, micro businesses etc. :P Sometimes the organization may not be present in a certain area of the world and u have to do some re-invention. But in cases where partnership is possible, there's so much synergy that can be harnessed from it.
Chking motives is impt, like why are we starting this thing, can we partner with someone else who has the expertise, and is our motivation really to benefit the community or to expand our territory of influence? Doesn't make sense that the social sector already has very few resources for us to be competing with each other for resources.
Though I must say, starting my own organization has been on my mind on and off. Check check check....is it cos I can't submit to authority? Do I really have something that I can offer that is not already available in the mkt? I must admit though, that having my own organization allows more flexibility and control over the vision and mission.
Ajith Fernando in his book Jesus Driven Ministry, says he grows uneasy when people say they want to have their ministry in every city of our nation or in every country in Asia. Rather, the one with godly ambition should pray that if "someone else does what we were hoping to do, we will be satisfied."
When the mighty are broken
Last year when I felt God's prompting that it may be time to start serving in ministry again, I was hoping to lead a youth discipleship group of say 18-22 years old. But I was asked to lead a discipleship group of ladies ard my age, consisting of lawyers & scholars, more than half of whom come from RGS. ;p I felt super inadequate and apprehensive.
The past few weeks have been encouraging. I tell u, when the mighty ones humble themselves and are broken before God, when He speaks to us about fault lines in our lives. And thank God, for authentic sharing, and guess what, we identify similar issues because we came from similar education background! Of being efficient, busy people. Needing to centre down on God, needing to humble ourselves before Him, and surrender our futures into His hand. Learning to not strive so hard for men's praises, but to strive for His praise. Learning that we do not need to be perfect to be loved. Learning uncertainty, and being joyful in it, trusting that He is in control.
So many lessons to be learnt. ;p I'm so glad we are in this together. I am humbled, and thankful. That God answered my prayers. Been praying for our group and for a breakthrough, that we may share authentically with each other. Glad that He, in His own mighty and personal way, convicted each of our hearts individually. Glad that He, would choose to bring us together in a group bcos of our similar experiences. Glad that He, would break us down, so that we can be mighty not in the sight of men but in Him. Glad that He encouraged me in this ministry, that He is the one who leads His people, and I just got to pray and obey Him.
And so....the challenges that arise in ministry never cease, but His grace is ever sufficient...and His Spirit continues to move and convict. =)
And yah...at this time when I am very physically tired, and weary in my soul, He knows His ways to encourage. Thank You Lord.
The past few weeks have been encouraging. I tell u, when the mighty ones humble themselves and are broken before God, when He speaks to us about fault lines in our lives. And thank God, for authentic sharing, and guess what, we identify similar issues because we came from similar education background! Of being efficient, busy people. Needing to centre down on God, needing to humble ourselves before Him, and surrender our futures into His hand. Learning to not strive so hard for men's praises, but to strive for His praise. Learning that we do not need to be perfect to be loved. Learning uncertainty, and being joyful in it, trusting that He is in control.
So many lessons to be learnt. ;p I'm so glad we are in this together. I am humbled, and thankful. That God answered my prayers. Been praying for our group and for a breakthrough, that we may share authentically with each other. Glad that He, in His own mighty and personal way, convicted each of our hearts individually. Glad that He, would choose to bring us together in a group bcos of our similar experiences. Glad that He, would break us down, so that we can be mighty not in the sight of men but in Him. Glad that He encouraged me in this ministry, that He is the one who leads His people, and I just got to pray and obey Him.
And so....the challenges that arise in ministry never cease, but His grace is ever sufficient...and His Spirit continues to move and convict. =)
And yah...at this time when I am very physically tired, and weary in my soul, He knows His ways to encourage. Thank You Lord.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Show me Your heart
I picked up my guitar that I had not been playing for a while and worshipped God just now. I sang a lot of the songs I used to sing in the past. Yeah...I miss worshipping God with these songs:
1) THERE IS A PLACE IN YOUR HEART
I AM LONGING TO FIND
WON'T YOU SHOW ME
THERE IS A PLACE I KNOW
I CAN RUN TO AND HIDE
WON'T YOU SHOW ME
SHOW ME
SHOW ME
SHOW ME YOUR HEART
2) I WANT TO SING
UNTIL I AM LOST IN YOUR LOVE
TILL I'M FOUND IN YOUR PRESENCE
WORSHIPPING BEFORE YOUR THRONE
MOVE BY YOUR SPIRIT
ENTERING INTO YOUR FLOW
HOW PRECIOUS THIS MOMENT
LORD I WANT YOU TO KNOW
IT'S YOU, YOU WHO HAVE WON MY HEART
TAKEN ME INTO YOUR ARMS
COMFORTED ME LIKE A FRIEND
YOUR LOVE
SURROUNDED ME FROM THE START
I NEVER WANT TO BE APART
FROM YOU EVER AGAIN
I was very touched, bcos God showed me that I loved Him and wanted to know His heart. And I guess I had created a separation betw CHC and post CHC me. Yet, the CHC me, told God that I loved Him earnestly. Albeit untested. But yes, with all sincerity wanting to honour Him.
Just like Pastor Edmund said when he told his wife he loved her 20 years ago when they got married that she loved her with all sincerity, now his love for her is many times more.
I think I can worship again....
Through different ones that He somehow prompted and led to speak to me, esp yesterday night's talk with Ed showed me how much God loved me. Not just love me, but my identity in Christ is precious. I'm thankful that he had the courage to obey God to speak to me, even though it was difficult and painful. Which makes it all the more precious, that God would arrange for divine settings and encounters, bcos we are precious enough for Him to do so.
Part of the reason why I am so tired, I guess....is bcos I think that it is never enough. More souls to save, more things to do and not everyone will get healed or get saved. It tires me out thinking abt that.
But yet, each ernest surrender, each desire to do His will...He knows. And most of all, it was never about our giving. It was about HIS giving.
So He can heal the past. He can take away the condemnation abt being not-enough, not doing enough, and rewrite the results of wrong decisions.
I am deeply thankful for the love shown to me. And i surrender to Him again. It was never about my surrender but His sacrifice. It is a mixture of pain & joy. Pray that I may know His love. And through this knowing, know that He will take care of the one(s) I love.
1) THERE IS A PLACE IN YOUR HEART
I AM LONGING TO FIND
WON'T YOU SHOW ME
THERE IS A PLACE I KNOW
I CAN RUN TO AND HIDE
WON'T YOU SHOW ME
SHOW ME
SHOW ME
SHOW ME YOUR HEART
2) I WANT TO SING
UNTIL I AM LOST IN YOUR LOVE
TILL I'M FOUND IN YOUR PRESENCE
WORSHIPPING BEFORE YOUR THRONE
MOVE BY YOUR SPIRIT
ENTERING INTO YOUR FLOW
HOW PRECIOUS THIS MOMENT
LORD I WANT YOU TO KNOW
IT'S YOU, YOU WHO HAVE WON MY HEART
TAKEN ME INTO YOUR ARMS
COMFORTED ME LIKE A FRIEND
YOUR LOVE
SURROUNDED ME FROM THE START
I NEVER WANT TO BE APART
FROM YOU EVER AGAIN
I was very touched, bcos God showed me that I loved Him and wanted to know His heart. And I guess I had created a separation betw CHC and post CHC me. Yet, the CHC me, told God that I loved Him earnestly. Albeit untested. But yes, with all sincerity wanting to honour Him.
Just like Pastor Edmund said when he told his wife he loved her 20 years ago when they got married that she loved her with all sincerity, now his love for her is many times more.
I think I can worship again....
Through different ones that He somehow prompted and led to speak to me, esp yesterday night's talk with Ed showed me how much God loved me. Not just love me, but my identity in Christ is precious. I'm thankful that he had the courage to obey God to speak to me, even though it was difficult and painful. Which makes it all the more precious, that God would arrange for divine settings and encounters, bcos we are precious enough for Him to do so.
Part of the reason why I am so tired, I guess....is bcos I think that it is never enough. More souls to save, more things to do and not everyone will get healed or get saved. It tires me out thinking abt that.
But yet, each ernest surrender, each desire to do His will...He knows. And most of all, it was never about our giving. It was about HIS giving.
So He can heal the past. He can take away the condemnation abt being not-enough, not doing enough, and rewrite the results of wrong decisions.
I am deeply thankful for the love shown to me. And i surrender to Him again. It was never about my surrender but His sacrifice. It is a mixture of pain & joy. Pray that I may know His love. And through this knowing, know that He will take care of the one(s) I love.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
It's hard to be like Jesus
Came across this article by Philip Yancey.
Thought it was quite thought provoking.
http://www.christianitytoday.com/tc/2005/003/1.42.html
In my visits to churches overseas, one difference from North American Christians stands out sharply: their view of hardship and suffering. We who live in an age of unprecedented comfort seem obsessed with the problem of pain. Skeptics mention it as a major roadblock to faith, and believers struggle to come to terms with it. Prayer meetings in the U.S. often focus on illnesses and requests for healing. Not so elsewhere.
I asked a man who visits unregistered house churches in China whether Christians there pray for a change in harsh government policies. After thinking for a moment, he replied that not once had he heard a Chinese Christian pray for relief...
Thought it was quite thought provoking.
http://www.christianitytoday.com/tc/2005/003/1.42.html
In my visits to churches overseas, one difference from North American Christians stands out sharply: their view of hardship and suffering. We who live in an age of unprecedented comfort seem obsessed with the problem of pain. Skeptics mention it as a major roadblock to faith, and believers struggle to come to terms with it. Prayer meetings in the U.S. often focus on illnesses and requests for healing. Not so elsewhere.
I asked a man who visits unregistered house churches in China whether Christians there pray for a change in harsh government policies. After thinking for a moment, he replied that not once had he heard a Chinese Christian pray for relief...
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