Got back from Indonesia today about 1045pm. =) It was a very tight trip, and I was stressed before and during the trip. But one gem of a thing, I managed to have very good fellowship time with my boss- the president. I am so immensely thankful, being able to open up to her abt my challenges at work, and giving her feedback abt certain things, and having her tell me her expectations abt diff things. I'm glad we cld talk freely.
We stayed in the village for one night, it was something new for me...in a sense..I've stayed in other villagers before in China. But this time the roads were really near, and our neighbouring houses near to us. I cld see fr my window villagers chatting outside in the night, hear the honking of cars, and the blasting of music from vehicles and so on. It was a little scary in fact. The curtains were like flimsy pieces of cloth that din even cover the village house fully.
This morning we went to a small church, and as I was singing the second worship song, tears begin to flow down my eyes. Didn't know what touched me, the song was in Bahasa Indonesian, and I didn't understand a word....but I felt there was such a hunger for God in the place. And at the airport, my boss said she also teared at the same time, and it was about "intercession". Wow, the word exactly captured how I felt at that time.
Honestly, I do not feel a lot for Indonesia. The only country thus far that I "feel" a lot for is China. It reminds me a bit of what my fren said, he says he doesn't feel particularly for the marginalized, he doesn't even know what is his calling, he is just doing what the bible calls him to do. I think so. I am just doing what the bible says to do. And catching a glimpse here and there of God's heart for His people.
I need to find back myself....today we had such an open conversation, that I shared w my boss how I gave up bonuses that cld come up to 12mths, to join GB. I didn't say it to show off or to impress her, neither did I share it with regret. It was more like sharing my heart with her. There's layers covering my heart, and I need to dig deeper on the inside, what I really think about things, who I really am...
I think I may not end up being a missionary based in the third world, the greater measure is not that. The measure is our obedience to God's calling, following passionately after Him. Not what we can do FOR Him, but what we can do WITH Him, abiding in Him. Honestly I find it tough to tell God- Yr will Lord. Or to tell Him that I am willing, send me. I find it increasingly tough to pray and sing such words. If we really are willing, it takes a lot to be following after Christ.
Yah...I think I need to find back myself, and who He has created me to be. For only then I will be happy in Him, happy with myself....And not live in fears abt other people's expectations, or hurrying myself to be doing things I can't do....
3 comments:
hur oh man what u said abt not feeling particularly for the marginalised but just doing it cos tt's what the bible says we shld do .. and catching glimpses of God's heart along the way - that really spoke to me. I am reminded that the basis for what we do isn't just based on our passions ... what matters most is obedience and accountability to God.thank u dajie for this post .. wow just being reminded lately about how excellence is required to glorify God .. even though it is one area I really struggle to grow in. thks for sharing yr heart and thoughts as always :)
harlo xiao mei,
thanks for yr comment too. =) So glad that this post spoke to u. Its one of those nights when I really had the inspiration to write. =) I'm filled with thanksgiving for what God is doing in my life and in others lives.
The part on marginalized...I do feel a lot for them, unlike my friend. heh. I think the part i don't feel that much is for different cultures, still more comfy with chinese culture. I think bible is very clear for us to go out to the nations tho. The presence of christians is so few in certain places, and I cannot help catching a glimpse of God's heart...how He really wants to draw these people to Himself.
The measure is our obedience to God's calling, following passionately after Him. Not what we can do FOR Him, but what we can do WITH Him, abiding in Him. Honestly I find it tough to tell God- Yr will Lord. Or to tell Him that I am willing, send me. I find it increasingly tough to pray and sing such words. If we really are willing, it takes a lot to be following after Christ.
Hey sis, these words made me pause and ponder. Sober thoughts... thanks again for sharing, sis. :)
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