I'm beginning to appreciate this journey that I am going through, God meant everything for good. ;) Listened to a Charles Spurgeon audio sermon just now, and he was talking abt how the law brings sin- cos with the law, we realise how sinful we are, and we cannot meet the requirements of the law without God! And hence when we are convicted of our sins, we realise how really sinful we are, and how in need of mercy we are.
In CHC, I've learnt that we are not "worms" but we are children of God, and we walk in righteousness and boldness. The latter is true of cos. But I think that a contrite heart, and the realisation of how in need of God we are, are necessary ingredients of conversion. For only with repentance comes salvation.
During this period of time I can't tell u how often I feel so condemned and unworthy. It may be a natural process when we realise we are sinful in nature. Yups, and it is probably part of the christian journey, of having our prides broken, and asking for God to be merciful.
Afterall, why did Paul say that of all people he was the chief sinner!
The circumstances are not perfect, but we all have to get on with our lives. Thoughts come into our mind like torrents. We have to filter them, protect our mind, and shield it with all our might. Let it be that even in the midst of the storm, we fix our eyes on Jesus. So the storms may take place on the exterior, but the interior is always still & peaceful, cos it has its eyes on Christ.
People may not be perfect, and offenses WILL come, that's what Jesus said. But guess what, anger is satan's bait for us to sin. Not that we cannot be angry, but we must learn daily not to take offenses personally, and learn to release our pain to God.
Just went to Church of our Saviour. There are things that I liked about it, cos I am used to the charismatic kind of worship, as well as the cell group format. ;) There were ofcos, other things that I am unused to. Hence when my friend asked me how I find it, I could only say "okay". The word "okay" to imply many things. One of which is that a church will never be perfect. If u want to find your fair share of offenses, there will be plenty in the church. That is because God is perfect, but the church is not.
Going on this journey has made me realise how impt it is to fix my eyes on Jesus. No matter what happens, or what christians I meet. These can be said to be peripherals. Because nothing on this earth is perfect. I am more and more critical these days, and I get mad at people for their apathy, or practises. But I must say, be angry if I want to, ultimately, it is to fix my eyes on Jesus, and nothing in this world can shake this relationship between u and the Maker.
Most of all, the time taken to resolve conflicts or quarrel with another christian or ruminating over doctrinal issues could sometimes be better utilised by just walking the talk- doing it, serving people, meeting needs, and helping lives. :)
It will take time for us to figure out what we should do, which ministry to serve in, which occupation to take up. Whatever it is just do something! Do not worry about tmr, live each day as it is, being precious. Each day be a blessing to someone. Start something, do something. We may not have our future all mapped out in front of us, but surely opportunities will come as we take each step of our lives. I must believe this. I have to hold on to this.
Dear God, let me fix my eyes on You. No christian is a lone ranger, for U have called us into a Body. Help me, Help us, as a church, to walk right with You. And make me a blessing to those around me. Thank You Lord. Amen.
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