JC times were the happiest times in my life. I was growing much as a christian, and I liked my class a lot. They were a fun bunch to be with, and I guess we clicked. :)
In JC, my classmate Derek was a super onz christian in his own church, a youth leader and drummer, and I was pretty encouraged by him. He wanted to start a class cg, but we didn't really get to do that. Instead, we had online sharings, and I also typed some sharings on God and shared with the class.
I wrote this testimony to Pastor Kong when I was in JC2:
Dear Pastor Kong,
I am Xiaojia from N01. I would just like to share my testimony with you. :) I am currently studying in VJC and I'm in the second year. Every week, we have common test on Saturday. About three weeks ago, I was sick on Thursday and Friday and I was thinking of going for the Sunday makeup cell grp instead of my usual Firday one since I had not finished my revision. But I decided to make a stand for God, to put Him first and to trust in Him. So I went for the Friday cell grp. Praise God, as I was worshi[[ing Him during cellgrp, my fever went away! I also got back my maths results and I got 71%! I really thank God for His grace because I know given the amount of time I studied it is really impossible without Him. As for the rest of my common tests so far, I also got back my physics results and I scored 73.5%! Also thank God for my GP results. In the essay section, I usually get borderline marks like 24 or 25 out of 50, this time I scored 37/50!
I know that even as I put God first, He would bless me! In the past, I had been unwilling to give God my time as I thought that to get good results, I needed to use that tim to study. I was basing it on my own strength. But God is really good and we should depend on His strength and not that of our own.
I hope that this will encourage everyone else too. As most of us are students, there are times when we feel as if spending time with God is such a waste of time, and we just want to do things our way, stay in our comfort zone and just be a normal church going christian. We want to honour God as long as we have enough time to do our own things. But No! Even as we stretch our faith, as I have learnt this year, God will honour us in our grades!
Thanks Pastor Kong for all your sermons that have changed my life, I now hold on to things that are eternal and not things that the world chases after!
Love,
Xiaojia
In JC, I was deeply convicted that as I gave God my time, He would bless and provide for other areas of my life, esp in my studies. To me, letting go of my studies was difficult. In JC, the girls also often went out after school to watch movies or to Parkway, and I also joined the PA crew which was quite busy. But I had to make a stand to do God's things and sometimes I had to be anti-social when it came to outings. ;p I was active in church, going for bible studies and all that. I remember rushing to church in my VJC beige uniform with my clothes and shoes in my bag, and changing them to serve as an usher. I did well during my JC days, and scored good grades. God granted me favour with many of my classmates and I brought some of them to visit church.
It was then that I had a desire to become a cgl. I wanted to serve God more, and I thought that by being a cgl, I can impact even more lives! :) By then, my sister was training to be a cgl, and I was wondering when it would be my turn. In a sense, I was even jealous that she had the opportunity before me! I was also hoping to become an usher IC, though actually I didn't really enjoy ushering. I felt that it took time away during praise and worship as I had to be filling seats instead of being able to worship.
One night, I prayed to God, and very distinctly, He asked me this question, will u still serve Me if you are not a leader? And I said yes I would, and then I started to cry, cos I knew that wanting to be a leader was not just for reasons of serving God, I wanted self-glorification. And as I surrendered that to God, I knew that I was willing to serve Him without name or status to just be an usher, or to do simple follow ups for Vene. I was willing. =) Although this willingness was tested now and then. My motivations again and again. My feelings of jealousy at others rising up faster than me, becoming ICs, team leaders when I felt better than them. Questioning God when my time would come and all that. Sometimes I felt impatient. I felt that I was sidelined though I felt I was godly and ready enough. (all these which will be tested much more in latter days)
It was also in JC that God implanted dreams in my heart. Other then being a cgl, I had the desire to go overseas to study psychology. I also had this vision of myself preaching to men/women in business suits. Another vision was the vision of healing broken hearts-in this vision, people were crying before me, and I laid hands on them.
Why were these two important to me? Well firstly for the business suits. I felt that God has extremely blessed me in the area of studies and I want to shine for Him in the mkt place. I wanted to tell non-christians that God is our provider, and that instead of seeking our own worldly plans in business, we shd seek Him. In fact, christians with the power of God can be better in their businesses than non-christians with their own clever planning! I know that I can address a grp of ple who trust their own planning cos I know what that feels like. I've always been a very prideful person, proud of my academic success until I knew God and realised that these things didn't have much meaning in them. They were not the ultimate purpose. Knowing God was!
Secondly for the broken hearts. I will share more in the next post. But I know that I am more sensitive than others when it comes to emotions. I know how it feels to be lonely, depressed and negative, and its not as simple as positive self talk! We need the healing touch from God. Whenever I saw a person who was smoking, my heart felt for them and I wanted to run over and give them a hug and say that, hey, its ok, God has a future for you. And I feel extremely happy when I make someone sad happy again.
Saturday, February 25, 2006
1998-early 1999: Uprooting myself
Much as I hate to admit it, I think I was a nerd. Heh. I take a school bus home from school everyday and reach home abt 3pm. And then my maid would cook lunch for me, and then I will have my lunch then go online IRC to chat!! Or sometimes I would take an afternoon nap after lunch. And then I will start on my homework. So if u ask me, my pre-christian life is nothing to exciting. I can't share the testimony that I was a street kid or drug abuser etc. who was changed by God's power. Nah...I'm just an ordinary girl who lived life even more ordinary than anyone.
My parents were strict with me. After school if I was not coming home for lunch, I would account to them where I went to. These were some rare days of going orchard with my frens or my weekly Interact Club home visitations. As such when I became a christian and wanted to go for church seminars at night or bible studies or cell group, I had to ask for permission to go. And I had to tell my parents where I was going. (I know what u are thinking..huh? So no life huh? So if u are reading this and u are 16 years old, rejoice! Haha..take heart)
So anyway I made quite a few frens in IRC. Some whom I will specially go online to chat with. I met up with some of them and went out with some of them. And I fell in "love" with someone from IRC. Heh..this guy, we talked almost everyday on the phone. :P But thank God that he already liked someone else. But from the perspective of a 16 year old, I think he was the most serious one I ever liked.
So I can't share a testimony of drug abuse. But I can share a testimony of someone lonely, who found God. And after finding God my life went on a very exciting track.
For one, I had to make a stand to go to church seminars and bible studies and cell group. And it was not easy. Church was at Tanjong Katong Road then, and sometimes church seminars will end at 10 plus and by the time I reach home at 11pm, it was considered really late beyond whatever time I had reached home. ;) My dad shouted at my sister and I, asking us not to be so superstitious please..and not to spend our time doing so much "useless" things. Whenever we reached home late from seminars, my sis and I will pray for my parents to be in good mood. We will pray all the way from the church bus stop to the 23rd floor when the lift opened. I was a very timid girl, and I hate to make people upset, and I hated those times when I got scolded. Slowly but surely, God softened their hearts and helped us as we made a stand.
Just to jump forward a bit, I remember when I was in JC that I wrote my parents a very long letter, telling them why my faith and God was important to me. I told them in the letter that believing in God doesn't mean I don't love them anymore, or that I have lost my brains and become irrational. I asked them not to worry, cos I was still sensible, and knew what I was doing. The letter was good. It helped to explain a little. :)
My parents were strict with me. After school if I was not coming home for lunch, I would account to them where I went to. These were some rare days of going orchard with my frens or my weekly Interact Club home visitations. As such when I became a christian and wanted to go for church seminars at night or bible studies or cell group, I had to ask for permission to go. And I had to tell my parents where I was going. (I know what u are thinking..huh? So no life huh? So if u are reading this and u are 16 years old, rejoice! Haha..take heart)
So anyway I made quite a few frens in IRC. Some whom I will specially go online to chat with. I met up with some of them and went out with some of them. And I fell in "love" with someone from IRC. Heh..this guy, we talked almost everyday on the phone. :P But thank God that he already liked someone else. But from the perspective of a 16 year old, I think he was the most serious one I ever liked.
So I can't share a testimony of drug abuse. But I can share a testimony of someone lonely, who found God. And after finding God my life went on a very exciting track.
For one, I had to make a stand to go to church seminars and bible studies and cell group. And it was not easy. Church was at Tanjong Katong Road then, and sometimes church seminars will end at 10 plus and by the time I reach home at 11pm, it was considered really late beyond whatever time I had reached home. ;) My dad shouted at my sister and I, asking us not to be so superstitious please..and not to spend our time doing so much "useless" things. Whenever we reached home late from seminars, my sis and I will pray for my parents to be in good mood. We will pray all the way from the church bus stop to the 23rd floor when the lift opened. I was a very timid girl, and I hate to make people upset, and I hated those times when I got scolded. Slowly but surely, God softened their hearts and helped us as we made a stand.
Just to jump forward a bit, I remember when I was in JC that I wrote my parents a very long letter, telling them why my faith and God was important to me. I told them in the letter that believing in God doesn't mean I don't love them anymore, or that I have lost my brains and become irrational. I asked them not to worry, cos I was still sensible, and knew what I was doing. The letter was good. It helped to explain a little. :)
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
1998 The struggles of a new christian, cementing my faith
I got introduced to the people in the cell group. Sister Audrey was the cell group leader, and she had a few cell groups under her. Our cell group had a lot of indonesians. Me and my sis were like cinderella, after service we had to rush home cos our parents would have cooked dinner for us. And sometimes we got concession to have dinner with the cell. Yups, I know that by then I am in secondary 4 but still I was afraid of my parents. And then they didn't want me to attend cg meetings as they felt that was overcommitting to it, and I won't have time for my studies. Actually secretly I was not persuaded of going for cg every week. I didn't have much to talk about with the people. But slowly after a few months, I tried going for cg irregularly, and it became a testimony sharing that I could come for cg. They encouraged me to make a stand for my commitment to go for cg. And then slowly I felt it was good for me, and my parents became agreeable. Shortly after, Venetia became the cell group leader.
Though I was a christian, there were some issues. Firstly, I am a very logical and rational person. I don't really know how to communicate with God, and I am not sure how to confirm He exists. I hoped for signs and wonders. And day in and out, I doubted whether He existed. Vene prayed for my sis and I for tongues. When she did that, both of us began speaking it in faith. My sister said she felt currents running through her tummy, but as for me, I felt nothing. And I doubted and I always sought after such experiences, telling God that I wanted to feel Him. During cg, we also had Holy laughter where people burst into laughter cos of the infilling of the Holy Spirit. I felt nothing and tried to laugh but nothing came out. And I ended up going for altar calls many times, cos I always felt I didn't believe enough. I was angry with myself for doubting God.
I also served as an usher. In one of the services, Pastor Phil Pringle was preaching. And when we lifted up our hands to worship, for the first time I felt the presence of God. It was warm, and something touched me. I don't know what. But it did. And I was happy. I felt Him tell me that I have a future and a destiny. And He loved me. :)
I learnt how to invite God's presence. It was not to focus on when I will start feeling His presence. But it was to focus on Him, to simply love Him, and to just worship. Slowly, His presence would come in.
Though I was a christian, there were some issues. Firstly, I am a very logical and rational person. I don't really know how to communicate with God, and I am not sure how to confirm He exists. I hoped for signs and wonders. And day in and out, I doubted whether He existed. Vene prayed for my sis and I for tongues. When she did that, both of us began speaking it in faith. My sister said she felt currents running through her tummy, but as for me, I felt nothing. And I doubted and I always sought after such experiences, telling God that I wanted to feel Him. During cg, we also had Holy laughter where people burst into laughter cos of the infilling of the Holy Spirit. I felt nothing and tried to laugh but nothing came out. And I ended up going for altar calls many times, cos I always felt I didn't believe enough. I was angry with myself for doubting God.
I also served as an usher. In one of the services, Pastor Phil Pringle was preaching. And when we lifted up our hands to worship, for the first time I felt the presence of God. It was warm, and something touched me. I don't know what. But it did. And I was happy. I felt Him tell me that I have a future and a destiny. And He loved me. :)
I learnt how to invite God's presence. It was not to focus on when I will start feeling His presence. But it was to focus on Him, to simply love Him, and to just worship. Slowly, His presence would come in.
1995- early 1998 Receiving Christ
I made it to Raffles Girls' School with a high PSLE score and 4 A*. I was so proud and happy of myself! I wanted to go to Dunman High but my dad said since I can make it to RGS, why not try it? And I decided to go for it.
I didn't like RGS at first cos the people were very english ed, and some of them were quite proud (to me initially). But I got to know them better and I realise that they were quite nice. Though we were from different backgrounds (many of them from english ed/private primary schools) and I found it hard to click with some of them, I got to know some close frens after some time. We all had similar chinese speaking families. And I got to know my best friend Huiyun in sec 1.
In secondary 3, I had a classmate called Kristin, who invited me to visit her church/cell group outings. For quite a few times, I declined politely as I didn't feel ready to commit to going to church once a week. Until sec 3 where there was a christmas party that Kristin invited me to. I pushed back an answer but she kept asking, and on the night before I thought she would forget it, but she called me and persuaded me over the phone.
I went!
The party was held at some function room, and there were door gifts and all that. It was a combined cell group party, with at least 40 people in the room. Then there were some games and then there were christmas carols. Kristin sang! I found it quite strange that some people were lifting up their hands when they sang. And then Pastor Audrey (then Sister Audrey) started preaching and at the end, she asked who wanted to believe in God? I peeked and saw 2 hands lifted up but I didn't cos I needed time to think.
After the party, this lady called Venetia came over to talk to me. She asked me if I was a christian. I said I believe in God. (I believe that many of us were in my stage. We believe in God, but to progress further like having a commitment to go to church, thats gonna take so much courage)
Vene: Why don't you come to church next week?
XJ: Not sure leh. I want to finish reading my bible first then decide.
Vene: Many people say that, but when will you finish reading your bible?
XJ: I am reading Genesis now. Let me think about it.
I went to my first service on the week after the party. And it was a strange feeling. It was held at the old Hollywood theatre at tanjong katong. I waited for Kristin at the KFC next to the church and Vene came back and tapped my shoulder. She said Kristin was sick and wasn't coming. (I thought in my heart, Oh man, without Kristin, just me alone?) I entered the church with Vene, the place was crammed with people and the music was loud. People were clapping their hands and jumping up and down. People were lifting up hands and singing songs. I don't recall the service, but at the end, when Pastor Kong asked who wanted to receive Christ, I put up my hand and I remember clearly that Vene put her hand over my shoulder and walked with me.
I regretted my decision right after. Or maybe I reconsidered my situation. I remember sitting at the toilet bowl (heh) and asking "God" if He was real. And I deliberated, if He were real, should I start attending church regularly? Do I have time since my school is so busy? Cos of that I did not attend church for the next week. It happened that my friend asked me for Disney on Ice, and she had free tickets! So I went with her, which was really an excuse for not going to church. :P
The next week after the disney on ice, venetia called me again. I don't remember what she said to me, but it convinced me to go again. And this time I brought my sister along. And I decided to go down for the altar call again, and my sister did too!
I didn't like RGS at first cos the people were very english ed, and some of them were quite proud (to me initially). But I got to know them better and I realise that they were quite nice. Though we were from different backgrounds (many of them from english ed/private primary schools) and I found it hard to click with some of them, I got to know some close frens after some time. We all had similar chinese speaking families. And I got to know my best friend Huiyun in sec 1.
In secondary 3, I had a classmate called Kristin, who invited me to visit her church/cell group outings. For quite a few times, I declined politely as I didn't feel ready to commit to going to church once a week. Until sec 3 where there was a christmas party that Kristin invited me to. I pushed back an answer but she kept asking, and on the night before I thought she would forget it, but she called me and persuaded me over the phone.
I went!
The party was held at some function room, and there were door gifts and all that. It was a combined cell group party, with at least 40 people in the room. Then there were some games and then there were christmas carols. Kristin sang! I found it quite strange that some people were lifting up their hands when they sang. And then Pastor Audrey (then Sister Audrey) started preaching and at the end, she asked who wanted to believe in God? I peeked and saw 2 hands lifted up but I didn't cos I needed time to think.
After the party, this lady called Venetia came over to talk to me. She asked me if I was a christian. I said I believe in God. (I believe that many of us were in my stage. We believe in God, but to progress further like having a commitment to go to church, thats gonna take so much courage)
Vene: Why don't you come to church next week?
XJ: Not sure leh. I want to finish reading my bible first then decide.
Vene: Many people say that, but when will you finish reading your bible?
XJ: I am reading Genesis now. Let me think about it.
I went to my first service on the week after the party. And it was a strange feeling. It was held at the old Hollywood theatre at tanjong katong. I waited for Kristin at the KFC next to the church and Vene came back and tapped my shoulder. She said Kristin was sick and wasn't coming. (I thought in my heart, Oh man, without Kristin, just me alone?) I entered the church with Vene, the place was crammed with people and the music was loud. People were clapping their hands and jumping up and down. People were lifting up hands and singing songs. I don't recall the service, but at the end, when Pastor Kong asked who wanted to receive Christ, I put up my hand and I remember clearly that Vene put her hand over my shoulder and walked with me.
I regretted my decision right after. Or maybe I reconsidered my situation. I remember sitting at the toilet bowl (heh) and asking "God" if He was real. And I deliberated, if He were real, should I start attending church regularly? Do I have time since my school is so busy? Cos of that I did not attend church for the next week. It happened that my friend asked me for Disney on Ice, and she had free tickets! So I went with her, which was really an excuse for not going to church. :P
The next week after the disney on ice, venetia called me again. I don't remember what she said to me, but it convinced me to go again. And this time I brought my sister along. And I decided to go down for the altar call again, and my sister did too!
1989-1994
When I was in early primary, my maid (domestic helper) from Philippines, Merly (oops, not sure the actual spelling) came over to work for my family. I was really close to Merly as my parents are away at work for the whole day, I spent most of my time with her. She loves to tell me stories and we have a lot of fun together. I always ran about the kitchen disturbing her, and I liked to go into her room while she was ironing and sing songs with her that were over the radio.
Merly was the first person to share with me about Christ. I don't remember her exact sharing, but she asked me if I believe in God. I said yes, and she led me in the sinners prayer. And everytime before meal time, she would ask me to say grace. She taught me how to actually. And she got me a rosary.
I remember rather vividly one night while I was lying in my bed, the reality of death hit me and I wondered where I would go if I died. What happens after my heart stopped beating? Would I disappear into thin air and from the earth? Would I still have an existence elsewhere? I cried when I thought of myself disappearing and becoming dust. And I hung on to my rosary sobbing, until Merly came into the room to assure me and hug me.
In primary school, I considered myself a christian, but I didn't attend church. Every night though, I would make a short prayer to God. The God up there, if You can hear me!! And I wanted to try out my classmate's church, but I never went about doing it.
Merly was the first person to share with me about Christ. I don't remember her exact sharing, but she asked me if I believe in God. I said yes, and she led me in the sinners prayer. And everytime before meal time, she would ask me to say grace. She taught me how to actually. And she got me a rosary.
I remember rather vividly one night while I was lying in my bed, the reality of death hit me and I wondered where I would go if I died. What happens after my heart stopped beating? Would I disappear into thin air and from the earth? Would I still have an existence elsewhere? I cried when I thought of myself disappearing and becoming dust. And I hung on to my rosary sobbing, until Merly came into the room to assure me and hug me.
In primary school, I considered myself a christian, but I didn't attend church. Every night though, I would make a short prayer to God. The God up there, if You can hear me!! And I wanted to try out my classmate's church, but I never went about doing it.
Hi
Hi! This is a blog to share some of my thoughts and experiences as a christian. But many aspects of my spiritual journey will relate to everyday life as well! Hope u enjoy reading about my life. Heh. Though I am quite a normal, sheltered kinda person. I won't say I have a very dramatic christian life. But I do share some of the struggles that you guys may have as well. Or some of the questions about faith and about God. That is why I am starting this blog. Perhaps through reading this u will understand better why I make certain decisions now and why certain convictions are important to me. =) But secondly also I hope that my sharings will encourage you as you know you are not alone, and to challenge you in your own walk with God.
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