Grace

Went for a talk on reaching International students last week, but instead the speaker spoke mostly about grace.

Grace= I want to, not cos I have to or I ought to. (in terms of serving, praying, reading bible etc etc)
Do I serve God because I want to?
When u first know the Lord, u ask people what do I have to do? Read bible? Pray?
When u know God better, u are convicted that these are things u ought to do.
When u know God's grace, u want to do because u really enjoy doing these things.

In John, Jesus asked Peter, do you love (agape) me 2 times, and on the third time He asked, do you love (phileo) me? Do u, Peter, like me? The speaker pointed out its actually easier to love someone than to like someone! Do I like being with Jesus, do I enjoy His company? ;)

Its only this 1 year I think that I began to understand grace. Grace is so paradoxical. Grace gives me the confidence to come into God's presence, and the self worth as I meet people. But it is because I recognize that I am broken, ragged and so sinful. It is God's grace and love so deep that accepts me. Grace looks at the sin beneath your good, but God still loves u anyway. Paradoxical because if I were to look at myself and think of what I can do, and how I can improve, immediately I lose this grace and I feel defeated because in me there is nothing. Its like I need not strive but I rest in God's love for me. I don't always feel that way though, because I am prone to want to do something to earn God's love and to please Him with regards to work and ministry.

Its extremely difficult in a performance driven society to believe in Grace- His unconditional abundant love. When the world bombards you with what you must or must not do. When the church or christians are not full of grace towards you. Somehow Grace always comes with the word "but". U are loved, "but" you need to blah blah blah. Real grace is always radical.

Whats the "but" here? There must be some catch. Actually I don't think its a "but". Its really "and". Grace is freely given. "And" we love others cos we want to, not because we have to.

Actually it makes me think that a lot of things I am doing is cos I feel I ought to. I ought to help the poor, I ought to evangelise, I ought to do missions..
Is that bad though? Because I believe there are times we don't FEEL like doing stuff. I think as long as we are not doing stuff so that we will be justified. Well ofcos, it makes me wonder abt my motivation for working in the non profit, christian work.