Building Foundations

Its another Sunday night. =) Switched on my comp with some thoughts I wanted to write, but got a bit emo instead. Maybe it will make the sharing more real.

I wanted to share about Covenant Evangelical Free Church, the church I've been in for the past 2 years. I am extremely thankful for the sound and balanced teaching of the Word I've received. One of the things that really blesses my heart is the focus on inward growth, to become like the "certain kind" of disciple. I know what it means to be the certain kind, though its hard to capture it down in words.

One thing that Pastor Ed always says is that we shd not have "presumptuous faith". Realise how important that is. Because one ques that was on mind constantly was why God promised growth in my chc cell grp, but it never grew, and there were people who left the church instead. Realised that all the more when God calls, we are likely to experience challenges. Hence it is not just pray it and claim it. But faith is trusting in God. Afterall, Jesus experienced the deepest of sorrow before His cruxification, and growth does not come without its pains.

I'm thankful that the church does not preach all the "how to" sermons, but often, it preaches on the inward posture and perspectives that we should have. Because "how to" sermons, tho can help a person modify his actions outwardly, they may not neccessarily change a person on the inside. In the Leaders Empowering session on Fri night, Pastor Ed talked about leadership as being able to move people together as one towards the vision. There's different ways of doing that ofcos. Two extremes- one being the militant style, pressuring people into doing what you call them to. The other extreme is to be just very nice and telling people its ok if they can't follow etc. Instead of the two, we should build foundation and mature a person, then the person will follow with conviction. I think building foundation is the toughest thing to do, in a results oriented society. The church seems pressurized by societal norms to acheive success. I can think of many wonderful people who seem to not have status on the outside, but I believe God is doing deep work in their lives. And sometimes this "deep work" confounds us. Instead of becoming more powerful, we seem to become weaker; instead of becoming more confident in ourselves, we seem to realise our inadequacy; instead of being victorious, we face persecution; instead of prestige, we seem to be demoted to places of aloneness.

Up till now, I can't help but have a negative reaction when I hear the words "success", "growth", as it brings to mind very painful memories of believing for growth, but the attendance showing a downward trend instead. I know it is because I was discouraged and hurt from past experiences, that now I fear trusting God, because I don't want to be disappointed again. Now I realise tho, that being disappointed was because I didn't realise I had to go through pains for growth, and was angry with myself for not being a good enough leader.

I have to watch that I don't fall into the other extreme of faithlessness. Because I think growth and being fruitful is what we shd be in our ministries. Its is like knowing we can do nothing apart from Jesus, yet we can do everything with Him, because He is a mighty God. So to remain status quo is to think too small of God who is more than enough.

So its good that the past is starting to pop up again, and I am beginning to reconcile my past experiences at church with the present, instead of just totally shutting out the experiences. After all, every experience in retrospect, had God's hand in it. All the promises and words He had spoken to me were real. I don't wanna re-do the 2 years again, of uprooting from church, questioning all my basics about who God is, but I think it was good to unlearn somethings that are wrong, and relearn again, to remove and replace with the right thoughts of God and myself.