Its another Sunday night. =) Switched on my comp with some thoughts I wanted to write, but got a bit emo instead. Maybe it will make the sharing more real.
I wanted to share about Covenant Evangelical Free Church, the church I've been in for the past 2 years. I am extremely thankful for the sound and balanced teaching of the Word I've received. One of the things that really blesses my heart is the focus on inward growth, to become like the "certain kind" of disciple. I know what it means to be the certain kind, though its hard to capture it down in words.
One thing that Pastor Ed always says is that we shd not have "presumptuous faith". Realise how important that is. Because one ques that was on mind constantly was why God promised growth in my chc cell grp, but it never grew, and there were people who left the church instead. Realised that all the more when God calls, we are likely to experience challenges. Hence it is not just pray it and claim it. But faith is trusting in God. Afterall, Jesus experienced the deepest of sorrow before His cruxification, and growth does not come without its pains.
I'm thankful that the church does not preach all the "how to" sermons, but often, it preaches on the inward posture and perspectives that we should have. Because "how to" sermons, tho can help a person modify his actions outwardly, they may not neccessarily change a person on the inside. In the Leaders Empowering session on Fri night, Pastor Ed talked about leadership as being able to move people together as one towards the vision. There's different ways of doing that ofcos. Two extremes- one being the militant style, pressuring people into doing what you call them to. The other extreme is to be just very nice and telling people its ok if they can't follow etc. Instead of the two, we should build foundation and mature a person, then the person will follow with conviction. I think building foundation is the toughest thing to do, in a results oriented society. The church seems pressurized by societal norms to acheive success. I can think of many wonderful people who seem to not have status on the outside, but I believe God is doing deep work in their lives. And sometimes this "deep work" confounds us. Instead of becoming more powerful, we seem to become weaker; instead of becoming more confident in ourselves, we seem to realise our inadequacy; instead of being victorious, we face persecution; instead of prestige, we seem to be demoted to places of aloneness.
Up till now, I can't help but have a negative reaction when I hear the words "success", "growth", as it brings to mind very painful memories of believing for growth, but the attendance showing a downward trend instead. I know it is because I was discouraged and hurt from past experiences, that now I fear trusting God, because I don't want to be disappointed again. Now I realise tho, that being disappointed was because I didn't realise I had to go through pains for growth, and was angry with myself for not being a good enough leader.
I have to watch that I don't fall into the other extreme of faithlessness. Because I think growth and being fruitful is what we shd be in our ministries. Its is like knowing we can do nothing apart from Jesus, yet we can do everything with Him, because He is a mighty God. So to remain status quo is to think too small of God who is more than enough.
So its good that the past is starting to pop up again, and I am beginning to reconcile my past experiences at church with the present, instead of just totally shutting out the experiences. After all, every experience in retrospect, had God's hand in it. All the promises and words He had spoken to me were real. I don't wanna re-do the 2 years again, of uprooting from church, questioning all my basics about who God is, but I think it was good to unlearn somethings that are wrong, and relearn again, to remove and replace with the right thoughts of God and myself.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Go Forth 2008
I had the privilege of attending the full Go Forth conference, sponsored by my company. I was thankful for the 4 day break away from work and to learn about missions. Didn't realise there were so many aspects to consider! Felt before I went for the conference, there was something God wanted me to learn from there. And yup, I have been blessed, inter-mingled with other things past and present.
1) Social Entrepreneurship -innovative methods for missions
Today strangely at service, I was reminded of this image in 2004. I was waiting for the bus at Thomson Road, outside MCYS. I first came across this term "social entrepreneurship" when I was in NUS. They advertised for a internship position to help with social enterprise projects. My heart was excited when I got the job, cos I always knew that I studied business for a purpose, and this concept seemed to combine social and business skills together. Visiting those SEs, and meeting SEs was always so uplifting. One person who inspired me till now is Pastor Don Wong, who runs a halfway house for ex-convicts, whom I went with to Indonesia 2 times so far. =)
It was good that Go Forth talked about Social enterprises and micro enterprises, because it is definitely a platform for outreach and missions. I liked what Ajith Fernando said "Innovation comes out of servanthood, innovative servanthood opens doors for the gospel, it is never an end in itself". Through these micro/social businesses, we help to meet the needs of the poor in a sustainable manner, and we are granted access into countries which we previously cannot.
I was inspired by this other lady, Penny who was a lawyer, and went to India for 9 years to build a garment factory etc., because she had heard God's call. She talked about making God relevant to the poor. I couldn't agree more. I guess this is helping me to remember the dream I had to set up SE.
A few years ago, through my thesis, on "Cross sector alliances between companies and non-profits", I interviewed Claire Chiang. Her Banyan tree retail shops sell items made by women from villagers, and she shared abt herself going there to work with the villagers, with jeans, mud, hat etc. Guess that was something I wanted to do. I'm not sure if she is a christian though. ;p
But something that sets apart us as christians is the idea of servanthood.
2) Radical servanthood
Ajith emphasized the importance of dedication to God, and commitment to Jesus. I always thought we will be fulfilled when we find the place where we can fully use our talents. People always seek to work in the big, established organizations and churches. But he says we are fulfiled when we "die for the people". I understood what he meant when he gave this example. A pastor who was previously preaching to 2000 people congregation decides to go into the missions field. Now he is only preaching to 4 people every week, the husband, the wife, a colleague, and one new convert. It was so "wow" when I heard that. And it struck me that the world measures success by effectiveness, but in God's kingdom, it is all about obedience and commitment to Christ. He also reminded us that the church ought to send the BEST to the missions field, like how the antioch church sent Paul and Barnabbas, their very best.
Anyway it is a kind of a faithful obedience. Sometimes we even don't see fruits in our lifetime-like those heros of faith quoted in the bible. It struck me that it is so hard for me to surrender this area to God, tho I did pray and ask for His grace to do so. On many ocassions, when I walk to upper serangoon road, into my office with less than 10 people, I ask myself, what on earth am I doing here! And sometimes, I remember the nice airconditioned lobby and building, and office and desk I used to have. He is poking at this area in my heart.
Another thing Ajith shared was how in reaching asia, the people perceive christianity as a western invasion, with bible in one hand, money/sword in the other. What will really set us apart is radical servanthood. And yup, in order for the church to grow, it has to suffer. This is a cross-based theology, as opposed to the consumerism theology.
3) Emotional health
Related to the previous point, I realised how impt one's emotional health must be in the missions field. Quite a few of the speakers spoke about how they were stripped of their ability to speak in the new environment- whereby they could not speak the language there. Someone said, he was reduced to being a 2 year old. Taking transport was a problem. Every small thing required assistance. And also because of the sensitive nature of missions, u can't tell people u are a "missionary". So u are suddenly status and titleless. Again another wow. Someone said something like "God stripped me of my linguistic skills, I could not speak, but He used my actions to demonstrate His love".
So I think it is important for one to be secure about his own identity. Otherwise, there is bound to be identity crisis there. Esp for someone who prides his self worth upon his work. And also when there is no fruit after labouring for a long time, it is important for one to be secure in God, rooted in Christ. Otherwise frustration will come in.
Even as He is working some very deep seated emotional issues in me....I know it can only be because to build high, there must be a solid foundation.
-----------------
So anyway I did not respond for the altar calls to be a missionary. Such a sacred call it is. Not to be casually taken into. But yes, I am missions-minded. How can someone know God and not be burdened for the lost?
John Piper-
"Missions is not the ultimate goal of the Church. Worship is. Missions exists because worship doesn’t. Worship is ultimate, not missions, because God is ultimate, not man. When this age is over, and the countless millions of the redeemed fall on their faces before the throne of God, missions will be no more. It is a temporary necessity. But worship abides forever."
1) Social Entrepreneurship -innovative methods for missions
Today strangely at service, I was reminded of this image in 2004. I was waiting for the bus at Thomson Road, outside MCYS. I first came across this term "social entrepreneurship" when I was in NUS. They advertised for a internship position to help with social enterprise projects. My heart was excited when I got the job, cos I always knew that I studied business for a purpose, and this concept seemed to combine social and business skills together. Visiting those SEs, and meeting SEs was always so uplifting. One person who inspired me till now is Pastor Don Wong, who runs a halfway house for ex-convicts, whom I went with to Indonesia 2 times so far. =)
It was good that Go Forth talked about Social enterprises and micro enterprises, because it is definitely a platform for outreach and missions. I liked what Ajith Fernando said "Innovation comes out of servanthood, innovative servanthood opens doors for the gospel, it is never an end in itself". Through these micro/social businesses, we help to meet the needs of the poor in a sustainable manner, and we are granted access into countries which we previously cannot.
I was inspired by this other lady, Penny who was a lawyer, and went to India for 9 years to build a garment factory etc., because she had heard God's call. She talked about making God relevant to the poor. I couldn't agree more. I guess this is helping me to remember the dream I had to set up SE.
A few years ago, through my thesis, on "Cross sector alliances between companies and non-profits", I interviewed Claire Chiang. Her Banyan tree retail shops sell items made by women from villagers, and she shared abt herself going there to work with the villagers, with jeans, mud, hat etc. Guess that was something I wanted to do. I'm not sure if she is a christian though. ;p
But something that sets apart us as christians is the idea of servanthood.
2) Radical servanthood
Ajith emphasized the importance of dedication to God, and commitment to Jesus. I always thought we will be fulfilled when we find the place where we can fully use our talents. People always seek to work in the big, established organizations and churches. But he says we are fulfiled when we "die for the people". I understood what he meant when he gave this example. A pastor who was previously preaching to 2000 people congregation decides to go into the missions field. Now he is only preaching to 4 people every week, the husband, the wife, a colleague, and one new convert. It was so "wow" when I heard that. And it struck me that the world measures success by effectiveness, but in God's kingdom, it is all about obedience and commitment to Christ. He also reminded us that the church ought to send the BEST to the missions field, like how the antioch church sent Paul and Barnabbas, their very best.
Anyway it is a kind of a faithful obedience. Sometimes we even don't see fruits in our lifetime-like those heros of faith quoted in the bible. It struck me that it is so hard for me to surrender this area to God, tho I did pray and ask for His grace to do so. On many ocassions, when I walk to upper serangoon road, into my office with less than 10 people, I ask myself, what on earth am I doing here! And sometimes, I remember the nice airconditioned lobby and building, and office and desk I used to have. He is poking at this area in my heart.
Another thing Ajith shared was how in reaching asia, the people perceive christianity as a western invasion, with bible in one hand, money/sword in the other. What will really set us apart is radical servanthood. And yup, in order for the church to grow, it has to suffer. This is a cross-based theology, as opposed to the consumerism theology.
3) Emotional health
Related to the previous point, I realised how impt one's emotional health must be in the missions field. Quite a few of the speakers spoke about how they were stripped of their ability to speak in the new environment- whereby they could not speak the language there. Someone said, he was reduced to being a 2 year old. Taking transport was a problem. Every small thing required assistance. And also because of the sensitive nature of missions, u can't tell people u are a "missionary". So u are suddenly status and titleless. Again another wow. Someone said something like "God stripped me of my linguistic skills, I could not speak, but He used my actions to demonstrate His love".
So I think it is important for one to be secure about his own identity. Otherwise, there is bound to be identity crisis there. Esp for someone who prides his self worth upon his work. And also when there is no fruit after labouring for a long time, it is important for one to be secure in God, rooted in Christ. Otherwise frustration will come in.
Even as He is working some very deep seated emotional issues in me....I know it can only be because to build high, there must be a solid foundation.
-----------------
So anyway I did not respond for the altar calls to be a missionary. Such a sacred call it is. Not to be casually taken into. But yes, I am missions-minded. How can someone know God and not be burdened for the lost?
John Piper-
"Missions is not the ultimate goal of the Church. Worship is. Missions exists because worship doesn’t. Worship is ultimate, not missions, because God is ultimate, not man. When this age is over, and the countless millions of the redeemed fall on their faces before the throne of God, missions will be no more. It is a temporary necessity. But worship abides forever."
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Wonderful Cross
While we are at this theme of God setting us free. This is a lovely song that has blessed me a lot these days. The paradox of the cross- That He has set us free, died for us, loved us; and now we give our lives to Him. It is on this basis that when we receive His love, we can outflow it to others:
Wonderful Cross
When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride
See from his head, his hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingled down
Did ever such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and bless
Your name
Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all
Wonderful Cross
When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride
See from his head, his hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingled down
Did ever such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and bless
Your name
Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all
Friday, July 11, 2008
Set free
Thankful again for a quiet night to write. ;) Writing is a blessing. Tmr is still work day so I shan't write too long!
This week was a very busy week for me, averaged about 5-6 hrs of sleep per day. My eye rings are all coming out! Yet it was one of the most fruitful weeks thus far. As yup, I'm starting to enjoy work and remember why I was there. :)
Last sun it was a message on what christianity is about. Actually it is a complicated thing to explain, but it all boils down, I realise, to the saving work of Christ on the cross. And as I was waiting for communion, I asked God to set me free from all the shackles inside my heart. And I thought of this verse:
36 Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.
John 8:36
And felt impressed upon my heart that God was showing me, from the day I walked down the altar and prayed the sinners prayer (10 years ago!), He already set me free. It was such a powerful but simple revelation.
With this revelation of being free, I realise I do not need to work to gain approval from others. And basically, my security is not based on what other people said about me, neither was it based on how well I performed at work. But I am secure in Christ. =)
Yup yup...so tis is a short update, and I am so tired. I'm gonna pray and sleep already.
Next week is Go Forth Conference! :) Yay. I'm looking forward to it, hoping to have a fresh touch from God.
This week was a very busy week for me, averaged about 5-6 hrs of sleep per day. My eye rings are all coming out! Yet it was one of the most fruitful weeks thus far. As yup, I'm starting to enjoy work and remember why I was there. :)
Last sun it was a message on what christianity is about. Actually it is a complicated thing to explain, but it all boils down, I realise, to the saving work of Christ on the cross. And as I was waiting for communion, I asked God to set me free from all the shackles inside my heart. And I thought of this verse:
36 Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.
John 8:36
And felt impressed upon my heart that God was showing me, from the day I walked down the altar and prayed the sinners prayer (10 years ago!), He already set me free. It was such a powerful but simple revelation.
With this revelation of being free, I realise I do not need to work to gain approval from others. And basically, my security is not based on what other people said about me, neither was it based on how well I performed at work. But I am secure in Christ. =)
Yup yup...so tis is a short update, and I am so tired. I'm gonna pray and sleep already.
Next week is Go Forth Conference! :) Yay. I'm looking forward to it, hoping to have a fresh touch from God.
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