My Heart's Desire

I am learning so much these days about God's grace and righteousness in Him.
I guess ever since becoming a Christian, I have been trying very hard to please God. Like reading the bible, serving, praying. And following all the disciplines. Before I became a christian, I was a "good" girl who was studious, nice etc. So I never really understood the concept of sin.
And now as I stand at the crossroads of decision making... and as my heart's desires surface... I come to realise grace which is unearned. Nothing I can do to make Him love me more. If I don't hide but surface the things that are on my heart, He would still love me. Obedience from the mind is something I can do but it would be with an unwilling heart. I can change my actions, but I can't change my heart and what He really wants is my heart. Even when I don't speak it out, He knows my heart. In "Prayer" Philip Yancey says that we often come to God with nice & politically correct prayers, but God hears the unspoken prayer in our heart.

Letting go of stuffs reveals to me the fears that are in my heart. Clinging on to things gives me that sense of security but once i let that go, I deal with the scary deep dark hole that is on the inside. And He wants to heal.

And knowing God as a Happy Father helps. Think my mind is really too intensed sometimes in thinking about things. But He just enjoys our company. He quiets us with His love..like singing a lovely lullaby. He loves us when we are unlovely. We don't have to hide the dark condition on our inside. Cos He knows, He sees, and yet He loves.
And only when we know He knows, sees and loves, that we can give our hearts to Him....
I am still trying to understand how deep how wide is His love for me.