All yearnings lead us back to God

I am kind of happy cos I reached a mini plateau of sorts. :DEverything that happened in the past kind of now make sense. How the people I met, the experiences I had- all link up together.All the yearnings and longings I had. All the people I met in different seasons of my life. Thank God for bringing them into my life. And even if some episodes were painful, I understand now what I was really looking for.I was looking for God. All the longings point back to the yearning for God. His gentleness, His mercy, His love, His kindness, His understanding. =)

I was reading this book - Love Beyond Reason. It highlighted this verse in Romans:"For creation was subjected to futility, not of its own will but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and will obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God"

John Ortberg said: "God knew that after the Fall we would try to set up other gods, try to give our lives to the pursuit of pleasure or wealth or power or status. So he said that one of the results of the Fall would be that none of these things would be able to bring us 'soul satisfaction'."
Actually...all my yearnings lead me to God.

I had an amazing experience yesterday. The night before I was praying and God showed me what was in my heart. The next day, Shir smsed me and asked me what I really wanted.

Told her I just want to love Jesus.

I teared cos I knew God remembered me. And I am the bride of Christ.

This is really a season of loving the Lord my God with all my heart, soul and mind =)

How to Love the unLoved

Something else clicked after a chat with a friend on thursday- the reason we have a heart for the poor, may not necessarily be a calling. But the poor and oppressed help us know the heart of God.

That which touches my heart is not- how this person has such a heart and burden for the poor. I admire that. But I am moved to tears when I see people sacrificially ministering His love because I see God through them. Only God would stir these hearts to love in such a manner and it is His mighty hand and sovereign plan, but yet we partner with Him to implement change. I capture the love of God when a person would love despite being rejected. That one would sit at the streets and be with the poor because God Himself is sitting at the streets with them daily, reaching out His hand to them. A person would risk his life for the gospel to preach in unreached places, learn unknown languages, because of the love He inspired in the heart. God first laid down His life for His sheep. He did it first, for everyone.

It is not humanely possible to identify with people, and not put them down at a lower level. In order to move from sympathy to pure genuine love, is when we are captivated by the heart of God. Then we love out of love that overflows from the Master.

What happened was not that He suddenly gave me a heart for the poor. What happened was I caught His heart for the poor.

It is the same for loving people who are different from us, loving different races, loving our neighbours. We love because He first loved.

Held by His grace

Last thursday we had devotions at work, and I it was my turn to lead it. I didn't know what to share about, but remembered Pastor Edmund's msg on New Year's day at the City Solemn assembly about victory, and standing in God given land, not living in defeat. And what God had spoken personally to me, about sin and how it hindered us from intimacy with Him.

I closed in prayer, and suddenly felt led to pray for my colleague who was going for an op. After that during lunch, she told me she had wanted to ask for prayers abt the op, but didn't. And she was so touched that I prayed for her that she cried! And she and some other colleagues said the devotion was good.

Thank God for such a divine appointment, though not a big matter, it has certainly helped to open doors and pave the way for more unity and love between us in the office. I am thankful.

Thankful for my friendship esp with Mun in the office, as I find that there is a breakthrough, i.e. I can be myself and laugh heartily and sometimes be the silly girl that I really am on the inside.
Thankful that on Tues, I had dinner with him, 2 other ex colleagues, and Jo who is based in Cambodia for 2 years and back for a break. Oh surely God has granted me favour with these and helped me thru my difficult time. It is as what He had spoken to me in Kalimantan-
2 Corinthians1:8
"8 For we do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, of our trouble which came to us in Asia: that we were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life. 9 Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead, 10 who delivered us from so great a death, and does* deliver us; in whom we trust that He will still deliver us..."

I am so humbled in the past 8 months, and continue to be so humbled, bcos I feel so totally inadequate, and it is only God who has delivered me. Yet I feel that I am walking in His will. And at other times, He seems so silent, but I see such grace and open doors with people and situations that I know it is He who has delivered.

I could identify with Loren Cunningham in his book that I'm reading now, so kindly given by Ed, Is that really you God? He said this "God was giving us a chance to give greater honor to Him by letting our dream die so that He could resurrect it". In choosing betw God, and the ship (= the dream and vision that God had given him), he chose God. He chose to let the dream die.
I've not reached the part whereby the dream is resurrected yet. But therein lies an impt principle- that God is more concerned with our intimacy and our walk with Him, than with the success of our ministries. I rather choose God than the ministry.
In the months that follow, God seemed silent to Loren.
In the months that follow my rejection of the World Vision job, God seemed silent, and it was painful, when I had clearly heard of His call through His word and affirmation from others.
In the months that follow my starting work at GB, though it was very clearly a door opened by God, God seemed silent.
But yet in all these, I know...He is drawing me near to Him, bcos He is more concerned about setting me free, for me to be His daughter than He is with the ministry.
So yes, I see Grace. And I am upheld by His grace, and His mighty hand is upon me every step.

Thank you Lord.

Welcome 2009

Went for the Solemn Assembly today to pray for the city on the 1/1/09. God's work spoke to me. Pastor Ed reminded us "victory is mine, when the battle is the Lord's", so we are to Make a decisive stand on God given ground for a God given victory.

In order to prevent presumptuousness, we tend to swing to the other extreme, thinking that we are to live in survival mode. But wow, God has already won the battle, and He has given us ground. This was really the crux for me, I think there was some sort of a break through.

I had to repent of my small mindedness in God. Repent of being so distracted by so many things. My heart is so unrested. Yesterday at my first watchnight service with the RAYS, I prayed to God, but still felt unrested. It was only today, whereby He showed me this whole verse. It answered my ques on where's that sense of JOY.


Psalm 51
For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.

5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ;
you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.

7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.

14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.

16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

17 The sacrifices of God are [c] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.

19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Some say because Jesus has bore our sins past present and future on the cross, we do not need to seek repentance. But I think we repent before God not because Jesus's work is not complete. Rather, there remains a chasm between God and ourselves, when there is sin, that affects the intimacy between us. Even if I were to confess my righteousness before Him, something is not right on the inside. He desires truth on the inward parts.

I think that God is calling me to come back to this heart of worship. And I pray that He may be my all sufficiency and satisfy the longings in my heart.

Took a walk at the beach today. There was a light drizzle, but it was soothing and peaceful sitting there as usual, committing the year to God.

A faint rainbow marked the horizons.



It was rainy, but there was light on top of me. :)