Whether it was an accident is a question I have been toying with. And God answered me today.
There was intercessory worship today at church. What is intercessory worship? It is like praying for others while worshipping. I didn't realise that was what I had been doing all along in CHC when I led worship as a cgl. The closeness of God and the anointing at worship reminded me of ministry back then, both what I had received and what I had ministered. The silence and waiting on God was what I learnt thru other worship leaders whom I had experienced the deep presence of God. It is not a method, but it is an expectation, and a posture of waiting, of surrendering, of desiring, and of leading the people towards the holy of holies. It was ministering to people's deepest needs, as when waiting, the Holy Spirit often reveals the deepest needs of the worshippers. I love worship because it does not require eloquency. I can't do preaching, but I can sing and share a word as God has led. I recalled the moments God had spoken in those deep calling unto deep moments, whereby time froze, and I felt bare before His holiness, and embraced by His deep love. In focusing on Him, it was then leading the others into God's presence to experience that same intensity of Him.
Is it a norm to experience God deeply in worship? I think it should be. And I wish it would be.
It reminded me the gifting He had deposited in me, the word of knowledge for people. I recalled also hurting people whom I had shared a word for. I recalled going around the cg to lay hands and pray for those who had responded after the word. I recalled tears of joy, tears of sorrow that came from the touch from the Holy Spirit. Yes, it should be a norm. . .
And now how do I make that a norm? Or is it not me... Is it the work of God? And is it then me trusting Him to do it and expecting Him to move in the deepest manner?
It was a deep engagement with God today. And I brought up to Him many things on my heart. God just speaks and u know He has spoken when He surfaces issues u didn't know exist. I felt like I was starting on ground zero for various aspects of my church life n ministry due to various transitions. The silence is confusing, fearful. God showed me He is with me from the beginning.
Youths, young people, the broken hearted, the depressed... These were people He had laid on my heart years ago since I was in university. How would it pen out. . and what are the choices I shd make? My weariness comes from being discouraged starting from ground zero but I am not. He has been leading all along. . .
