Most recently, I did something that my christian friends/mentors adviced me against doing. And now I'm reaping the effects of whatever I did. :( I feel so bad, but if I were to choose again, I think I may do it all over again.
I made myself vulnerable, perhaps because I always felt that loving is being vulnerable, and there's no way to just love people halfway. But loving is painful, and it hurts when it is not reciprocrated.
Nevertheless.... In the midst of this, I understood one thing, grace is not about my performance. I feel unworthy to serve, to mentor or lead others. And I ask myself what I think grace is? It is unearned, unmerited and even though I didn't meet religious expectations, I am righteous before Father God because of Jesus.
O dear Lord, pls be gracious to me and see me through this difficult time. :(
Jesus.. feeling the pain of rejection even as He loved...
Father.. the prodigal Father with outstretched arms waiting for the prodigal son's return.
Can one love unconditionally without expectation?
