I went to the gym today, spent a good time there. And then read a book. Just wanted to spend some time out with God. Decided to do something impromptu, went to the East Coast Beach, the location where I always went to pray and reflect. But I haven't been there since we moved in Dec last year.
It was nice seeing the crowds of families and friends cycling, skating, picnics and chilling out. =) And most of all, it was nice to stand on the sand again, close to the sea. The construction behind my fave spot had been completed, and there were now nice alfresco restaurants. One day I shall go there to grab a drink and chill out. The feelings came back, the prayers and thoughts I had raised in the past standing at that spot. About changing church, relationships, God's plan for my life etc. I remember God spoke to me last year about new beginnings, after 1 year plus break from ministry. I remember being thankful for the respite, and this new sense of being rested in Him.
I felt in my heart, that He seemed to be telling me that nothing had changed. I can still experience the same kind of restedness as when I was taking a break from ministry. It was about serving from a position of rest. I had allowed all the new ministry & work responsibilities to burden me again. And then, I felt He was showing me that He had already healed me and spoken to me about the cell group in CHC, and I had received closure for that. The new fear that arose as my responsibilities increased, was something I had to give to Him. Whether I am serving or not serving, He was the same. The sea was as vast, the skies as wide. Because He is the same faithful God, the maker of the universe.
Thought of some of the different people in my previous cell. Asked God again, Why did the Cell Group not grow? Felt that I already knew the answer without asking. It was about Inner Growth. It was about pain that came with growth. It was about how God worked in His own timing, and not in my own terms. I have grown, yay. =)
There are things that are not certain. But yet many things that are certain. What is certain is that God is faithful. What is uncertain is how the faithful God will demonstrate His faithfulness, since His ways are higher than ours, and He is not confined to work on human terms. I must not mix the uncertain things with the things that are clear-cut. Because I can speak confidently about God's faihtfulness, and about His unchanging plans to redeem mankind, and how we need to draw near to Him.
Walked into my old condo, everything was the same. The carpark, the lobby, the tennis courts....which I had walked past for the past more than 20 years. All were the same. Nothing had changed.
Hmm. Maybe I myself can't totally capture what that feeling was. But it certainly brought rest, knowing that He is in control of the past, present and future.
